My heart
hurts.  It’s a culmination of things that have just overwhelmed my spirit
and today the result was a tearful response.  Not everyday is like this but the truth is
I am still in the fire so to speak and If I only share the triumphs or what it
takes to overcome, then how will you know that you’re not alone when you endure
the hard stuff too? I’ve been given this platform to share my ongoing story, a platform that I doubted I was fit for when I was asked to do it but was reassured that this is what was needed…the reality of what a wife goes through and I unfortunately but most definitely was a good fit for it.  My marriage has been ravaged by sin and sin is ugly- that is the truth.  In years of walking this difficult path I have
found that I can go and go and go and go quite well but when I am suddenly hit
with an unexpected situation or unfortunate circumstance (that would be so much
easier to deal with if my husband were around) I am faced with the reality of
my situation all over again as if it was for the first time. It’s not the death
of me and I always get through these spots but that doesn’t negate that it
still hurts. Today something as trivial as my lawn mower biting the dust was
all it took to break me.  I am thankful
that Jesus is closest to the brokenhearted.

Last week one of my husband’s co-workers came
to one of my blogs at
XXXChurch and called me a hypocrite.  The tracking of an IP address can be
a good thing at times but in this case I wish I would not have discovered who
this person was.  People can say things all day long and it doesn’t seem
to penetrate the same way as when someone you know thinks they know you and
then attacks you at the core of your pain. The very thing I have spent 7 years
trying to walk through with God daily is ridiculed by people that know who we
(husband and I) are by association but don’t have a clue about the reality of
this situation or our marriage as a whole let alone what has really taken place
on the inside.  Something that has been so painful for me is
re-victimization (for better lack of words). It has happened with the church-
with a member of my husband’s family and now one of his coworkers.  I
suppose the coworker thought that because I write a blog to encourage wives but
at the same time am legally separated from my husband it classifies me as a
hypocrite? Or perhaps it is because I still show signs of anger, grief and
frustration over this situation and am not walking incomplete wholeness
yet?  I don’t know, but what I found out is that someone who isn’t even a
part of my life had the ability to hurt me.  Why is that?  That is
the question I have been pondering for close to a week.  Whoever said “Sticks and Stones may break my bones but names can  never hurt me” was delusional!  Words have the power to build up and they have the power to tear down. 

A good friend responded this way when I shared the situation with her and why I was so troubled:
“Obedience is your defense. Period. You do not have to defend yourself” and
then another godly woman in my life said this:  “Reminds me of Nehemiah
when he first started rebuilding the city. People within the same kingdom
blamed Nehemiah for rebelling against the ruler….and Nehemiah had the
blessing and supplies provided by the King himself!  You have direct
orders from the King, and regardless of the “coworker’s” perception
you have all the approval you need!” 


Clearly I am the “odd man out” to those who
don’t understand what God is requiring of me.  If I were to have just kept
the dirty little secret and never “rocked the boat” never wanted more for and
from my husband they wouldn’t have labeled me “the wife from ****”,
“the trouble maker”, or now “the hypocrite”. (Check out the
blog “Covering vs Covering
to be reassured that you are NOT supposed to keep the dirty little
secret. Doing so only contributes to the deception) I cannot find one Scripture
that justifies this kind of behavior towards the wife of a man who lives a
lifestyle of sexual sin but the Scriptures do tell me that God is pained by this for
He calls us to take greater care for widows and orphans.  A wife whose
husband is unavailable to her emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically
because of a lifestyle of sin puts his wife in a “husband-less” category!
Take note of that.



It is God who exposes sin (Romans
).  It is sin that separates us from God (Isaiah
), it is God who tells us not to even eat with a believer who is in
habitual, unrepentant sexual sin (1Corinthians
) or in my opinion a person professing to be a Christian while living like
a non believer.  So why someone (friend, family, coworker, or onlooker)
would be shocked after years of continued unrepentant habitual sexual sin in
our marriage that God would direct me to separate myself from my husband
physically while continuing to love him from a distance?!!  Isn’t that
what GOD does with us while we are IN sin?  It is the Scriptures that tell
us sin separates us from God. God said it first, not me.  He also
points out that we cannot say we know God and live in disobedience to His
commandments in doing so we make ourselves liars and the truth is not in us. (1John
2: 3-4
)  Be careful to not misunderstand what I am saying.  I am not
saying that sin separates us from the love of God.  That is a topic for another blog.

In times like these when my flesh is crying
out to self preserve (defend/advocate for myself) God always reminds me to soul
preserve.   So, this is His reminder to me and to any of you who are
walking the same path and feel judged or misunderstood by some, abandoned and
rejected by others and terribly lonely as a result of it all.  God loves
you.  He loves your husband.  God desires for you (and me) to be
whole. The only way for you (and for me) to know His great love for us and stop
worrying about the opinions of man and to stay in God’s word and to pray to
Him. He is our Comforter, our Redeemer, our Justice.  I looked up all the
scriptures today about “widows” and it is pretty evident how God feels towards
“husband-less” women and those who oppress them.  So lets take heart
together as we rest in the peace and freedom of His Truth.  I love how God
takes the things meant for evil towards us and blesses us with them
instead.  I feel closer to the Lord today as a result of pressing in all
week after that incident.  Thank you Jesus and now I am off to see about
having my lawn mower fixed!  🙂



He ensures that orphans and widows receive justice.


Father to the fatherless, defender of widows—this is God, whose dwelling is


‘Cursed is anyone who denies justice to foreigners, orphans, or widows.’ And
all the people will reply, ‘Amen.’

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of
orphans. Fight for the rights of widows. 


This is what the Lord says: Be fair-minded and just. Do what is right! Help
those who have been robbed; rescue them from their oppressors. Quit your evil
deeds! Do not mistreat foreigners, orphans, and widows. Stop murdering the


But I will protect the orphans who remain among you. Your widows, too, can
depend on me for help.” 


Do not oppress widows, orphans, foreigners, and the poor. And do not scheme
against each other. 


Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for
orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. 


The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and
saves those who are crushed in spirit.




He heals the brokenhearted and binds up
their wounds.


Sidebar note:  I am re-reading a book that I am hoping will help me as I continue to walk this path that will knowingly bring critics, unwanted opinions and unsolicited advise.  The book is called “When People Are Big and God is Small” by Ed Buckley.  If you’re struggling with what others think about you (including your spouse, family or coworkers) you might want to check it out!