About a month ago on a Wednesday night some friends and I thought it would be fun to go roller skating, something we haven’t done in close to 15 years. As we laced up our old speed skates (cause the brown, high ankle ones are way not cool) we laughed as we discussed who would be the first to fall on their behind making a total fool of themselves in the crowd of about a hundred 12-15 year olds.  With all our might, and a lot of help from the walls around us, we made our way round and round that rink. As I tried to keep my balance I remember watching multiple young teenagers pass me singing along to the music playing which was Rihanna’s S & M. The beginning lyrics go like this:

     “Feels so good being bad. There’s no way I’m turning back. Now the pain is my pleasure cause nothing could measure.” 

At first I was stunned the rink on what they called, “Family night” would be playing this song but what saddened me most was the fact that almost everyone in that rink knew the lyrics!

The term Sadomasochism or S/M was once a taboo topic in society but now is just another song on mainstream radio. S/M is the act of causing pain and/or humiliation to cause arousal. How did that transition happen and is it okay?

In 1 Corinthians 7: 3-5 Paul talks about the importance of giving your body to your spouse and not depriving each other of sexual desires unless it is for prayer. Paul explains this is to avoid temptation because of our lack of self-control. I believe what you do in the marriage bed, as long as it’s kept pure (not bringing sexual sins in such as other people, pornography etc) is okay and blessed by God. My concern however is, does causing your spouse pain and/or humiliation bring glory to God?  If God created intimacy and scriptures tell us he did then how can humiliation and pain be glorifying to God?

In all situations I believe husbands/wives need to have some basic ground rules. I would start with asking God to show you the glory in that.  Also, talking to each other about how it makes you both feel. Making sure everyone is comfortable with what happens in the bedroom is important. Ultimately, I believe whatever happens in the bedroom between husband/wife is okay as long as you set the ground rules, feel comfortable with them and always go to God in prayer first.