Interesting article I found on the internet from a Jewish perspective.  It’s an article, an honest opinion and I enjoyed reading it and wanted to share it with you. I hope you enjoy it as well.

Should Wives Be Porn Police?

Why women have every right to insist on mental as well as physical fidelity. By Rabbi Boteach

About two years ago I agreed to debate the first openly Jewish Playboy playmate,
Lindsey ****, in New York City. My purpose was simple: to uphold the
dignity of Jewish women, which is not consistent with taking their
clothes off for money. From the beginning, however, it was clear that I
had lost the debate. The room was filled with mostly leering men who
came armed with the November issue of Playboy, asking for Lindsey’s
autograph. But what really disappointed me was all the women who came
to cheer Lindsey’s courage in not being ashamed of her body. What sane
woman, who isn’t motivated by financial profit, would support the
portrayal of women as sport to entertain lecherous men?

Moreover, what wife is misguided enough to allow her husband to read Playboy?

Recently, we’ve seen the Kobe Bryant sex scandal and the publication of
Hillary Clinton’s memoir, which regurgitated the Monica Lewinsky story.
I believe that these and other incidents are warnings to wives not to
be naïve about the dangerous effects pornography-and opportunities for
adultery-can have on a marriage. And they must do something about it.
While Hillary bore her husband’s betrayal with dignity, there is the
legitimate question of whether she should have been keeping a far more
watchful eye on her husband whose roving ways were well known,
especially when he told her that he was spending time with an intern
for the purpose of “guiding her life.” Shouldn’t an alarm have gone off
in her head?

The idea of wives “policing” their husbands, of calling men to account
for their behavior, might sound antiquated or petty, but I believe it
is valid and, indeed, essential. When I’ve asked wives how they feel
about their husbands looking at pornographic material, I’ve heard an
astonishing range of answers. There are those who are quick to assert
how “cool” they are with it and even claim to join in the viewing; and
there are those who are utterly horrified but feel they have no right
to object to their husband’s adult behavior. But women must wake up to
the fact that they do have a right to nip this behavior in the bud.

Pornography is destructive not only because it is insulting to one’s wife, but because it takes one’s erotic focus away from one’s spouse. In this respect, the principal harm it inflicts is
not radically different from adultery. When infidelity occurs, it
destroys the marriage not only by causing hurt and humiliation, but by
starving the marriage of attention, affection, and effort. The hurt
that a husband causes his wife by being unfaithful is not, in itself,
the deal-breaker in their marriage. The wives whom I have counseled
through a husband’s infidelity are prepared to forgive him if they love
him. The real deal-breaker is the fact that the wife is no longer the
focal point of his sexual and romantic energies. When husbands and
wives are not wholly focused on one another as the means of finding
erotic excitement, they begin to drift apart. Initially, men believe
that a little peek at another woman’s nudity is a harmless means of
generating some excitement and certainly nothing as significant as an
actual act of infidelity. But these “harmless” leers are the first
symptoms of neglect.

There are so many ways in which pornography undermines healthy
relationships. Excessive exposure to a variety of nude, female bodies
contributes to the penchant for men to think about other women while
making love to their wives. Indeed, 84 percent of men admit to doing
just that (and they’re dumb enough to believe that their wives don’t
notice). We can even go so far as to say that once you bring another
woman into your bed, even if only mentally, you are practicing a form
of mental infidelity and merely using your wife’s body for friction. I
call it mental decapitation. The Torah, which is very concerned with
fostering the mental and emotional intimacy that physical intimacy is
meant to promote, actually calls men to task by deeming it a
prohibition for a man to fantasize about other women while in bed with
his wife.

Unfortunately, as I discovered at the debate, women today are so
brainwashed into being manly and tough that few will admit to being
pained at the notion that their significant other would be dreaming of
another woman during their intimate moments. But fantasizing about
another woman is a degrading act. It indicates that one’s wife is not
worthy or thrilling enough on her own. Most men tell me that it is
unrealistic not to sometimes think about other women during sex with
one’s wife. Perhaps that is so. But there is no excuse not to resist it.

Furthermore, pornography desensitizes men to the female body. Instead
of being automatically drawn to a woman as he should be, today’s man
has seen too much to ever lose himself completely upon being exposed to
a woman’s nakedness. The nature of erotic attraction, which should
bring men and women together, has been utterly compromised, and neither
sex is above evaluating the other according to the most stringent
criteria. This impairs our ability to build deep relationships. Sexual
intimacy is meant to bring a couple together on emotional and mental
levels. Once a man feels removed enough to judge his wife by comparing
her with other women, he loses some of his excitement for her and
mistakenly believes that a more perfectly formed woman would provide
him with the physical titillation that he craves.

The irony lies in the fact that a real woman is infinitely more
exciting than the manufactured images that attract the consumers of
pornography. Rather than being a one-dimensional experience,
interacting and allowing oneself to be aroused by a live
partner–despite her apparent physical flaws–is ever-changing and
therefore consistently exciting. Ultimately then, pornography deadens a
man’s attraction for his partner, which in turn deadens his ability to
have healthy and sustainable passionate relationships.

The truly unfortunate element in the prevalence of pornography today is
actually the acceptance that so many women silently or overtly provide
by refusing to demand that their husbands (or serious boyfriends) turn
off the computer and turn them on instead! Once upon a time, women were
seen as and treated as man’s superior. Today, women have leapt off of
their pedestal to say that they are equal to men. When we hear of women
accompanying their partners to strip clubs, we see why men no longer
feel they have to make themselves worthy of such a sidekick. You can’t
convince me that women are actually enjoying the array of bras and
G-strings while swigging back beers with the boys.

In her efforts to get closer to man, woman has lost her own uniquely
feminine attributes, at a great cost to both genders. What happened to
being a gentleman? Why isn’t the party line that a man doesn’t look at
another woman because he doesn’t need to and has too much respect for
his wife to ever degrade her by making such a comparison? Why not?
Simply put, because women today no longer require their men to be
gentlemen.

When I’ve asked women about why they don’t insist that
their husbands turn off the cable smut or throw out the dirty
magazines, the answers I receive fall resoundingly into two basic
categories. The first is that many women believe that they have no
right to determine what their husbands see or, especially, what they
think. The second is a desire not to appear insecure, petty, or
nagging. Yet it’s not petty to demand that your husband be with you and
you alone when you are in bed together. It’s not nagging to show your
hurt, your vulnerability.

How far we have sunk in our expectations of marriage and commitment!
Once upon a time it was not politically incorrect to think of a husband
and wife as belonging to one another. Today we are conditioned to think
that independence is the be-all-and-end-all, and to be possessive is
seen as an a priori sign of insecurity. Husbands and wives see each
other as independent creatures who happened to be joined by the
institution of marriage.

The staggering divorce rate is a symptom of this unfortunate
conditioning. It’s easy to sever a bond that wasn’t that strong in the
first place. But if you belong to one another, then you have a right to
make demands of exclusivity in thought, speech, and action and to
freely express that an action or behavior hurts you and to expect that
your spouse, whose number-one concern is your happiness, to amend the
hurtful behavior. When two people belong to one another, there is
nothing they won’t do to protect that bond.

In Judaism we are taught that everything belongs to G-d. It is not degrading to be so possessed and, in fact, the kippah [head covering] worn by men is a reminder and a symbol of that bond.
Thus G-d makes demands upon us and we, in our attachment to Him, ask
for what we need. Our intimate relationships reflect this divine
relationship. We should never hesitate to insist that our needs be met
by our husband or wife. Remember, you are not only married in body, but
also in mind, heart and soul.

Wives have a right, indeed an
obligation, to police their husbands from going into the gutter to get
excitement. Miss November and her fellow playmates are women like all
others. One day they’ll marry and they’ll be just as hurt and insulted
if their husbands turn to strangers for excitement.

 
*an added FYI-  just because I posted this article does not mean that I agree with everything said or that this author represents the thoughts or beliefs of this ministry.  I did however find his perspective interesting and most of it in line with my thoughts.