Like Abraham, may I not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but let me be strengthened in my faith and give glory to God, being fully persuaded that God is able to do what He has promised. (Romans 4:20-21)
May I rejoice in my tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into my heart through the Holy Spirit who was given to me. (Romans 5:3-5)
I died to sin; how can I live in it any longer? (Romans 6:2)
All of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death. I was therefore buried with Him through baptism into death, in order that just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so I too may walk in newness of life. (Romans 6:3-4)
I know that my old self was crucified with Christ, so that the body of sin might be done away with, that I should no longer be a slave to sin; for the one who has died has been freed from sin. (Romans 6:6-7)
If I died with Christ, I believe that I will also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, cannot die again; death no longer has dominion over Him. For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. In the same way, may I consider myself to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus. (Romans 6:8-11)
I will not let sin reign in my mortal body that I should obey its lusts. Nor will I present the members of my body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but I will present myself to God as one who is alive from the dead and my members as instruments of righteousness to God. (Romans 6:12-13)
Just as I presented the members of my body as slaves to impurity and to ever-increasing lawlessness, so I now present my members as slaves to righteousness, leading to holiness. (Romans 6:19)
Those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh; but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. The mind of the flesh is death, but the mind of the Spirit is life and peace. (Romans 8:5-6)
If I live according to the flesh, I will die; but if by the Spirit I put to death the deeds of the body, I will live. For those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. (Romans 8:13-14)
Hold on through the hope of God.
Wives, this doesn’t mean you can’t separate for a season if you have tried to no avail to stand in the gap, to wait on God, to love and forgive while you waited for the fruit of repentance to appear. I would not recommend it lightly. I would not recommend it as pay back or punishment etc. I would only recommend it with a multitude of godly counsel after much prayer.
My husband and I separated for almost two years and have just recently reconciled. I’ve shared my story openly through this blog as well as at Porn and Pastries events through the ministry of XXXChurch. The two years apart were not easy but neither were the years of being in a marriage where consistent pornography use and deception was the norm.
I know what it is like to be tired, weary, rejected, angry, devastated, frustrated, anxious and worried. I know what it is like to regret the past and fear the future. I also know what it is like to be so broken that it brings you the closest to God you have ever known. I have been on and off the roller coaster more times than I want to count- but I have also experienced a peace in the midst of the storm that surpasses all understanding. IF you are willing and will allow God to use this to refine you, He will. Most of us don’t want to stand in the fire long enough to be refined. Most of us think we’re so miserable because of our spouses sin. Most of us don’t realize that if we were so enamored with God and His truth our husband’s would look different to us regardless of what they are buying into. Most of us get so caught up in the pain that we want to abort the journey. You can be whole and healthy regardless of what your husband chooses and you don’t have to divorce him to arrive at that place.
While every situation and marriage is different, I want to encourage you (no matter where you are in and on the journey) to STAND. Stand with God. Believe GOD. Resist the world’s influence and opinion and truly seek the heart of GOD for direction. Stay in His word daily, and when you least feel like praying… pray.
There is hope for there is not one person on the face of the earth that GOD’s arm is too short to reach! Ask God to give you a new heart while you’re asking Him to give one to your husband (boyfriend/fiance) and while you are praying for your spouses eyes- pray for your own. Ask God to help you see him the way that Jesus sees him.