When I saw our first assigned topic for writing this blog, “What do we hate about pornography?” I thought, “that will be so easy—there’s a lot we hate about it.” Ever since I learned about my husband Todd’s addiction to porn nearly a year ago, I’ve found more to hate about it, but what I first hated is how deceitful it is, how my husband’s use of porn made me feel like we lived a lie for 14 years. We had a really good marriage in every way, the bedroom included. I felt so betrayed—“how could he do that to me?” I hate that he’s seen other naked women. I hate the pain of it . . . too deep for words, but you know if you’ve lived it. Although I’ve moved beyond that and understand it’s an addiction, I still hate that side of it.
Along with that, we hate how it messes big time with our minds. We hate how my husband’s use of porn made me lose confidence in myself, makes me doubt my beauty to him, leads me to doubt myself in bed—I hate wondering what he’s seen and how I compare. I hate wondering what, or who, he’s thinking about when he’s making love to me. I want to be the most exciting thing he’s ever seen . . . and done. I hate how Satan wants to remind me of it, to think of the past.
Likewise, Todd hates how the images get implanted in the brain. The Bible says, “Above all else, guard your hearts for it is the wellspring of life,” (Prov. 4: 23) because what we put into our minds so easily becomes part of us. Todd hates the images that come to mind. We both hate that! However, we don’t succumb to these thoughts. Instead, we pray . . . a lot! I, Diane, pray Scripture for at least 4 miles while I run each day plus another 30 minutes later, and Todd prays whenever pornographic thoughts come to mind. God is the Deliverer; He is bigger than these thoughts and makes them vanish.
We both hate pornography because it makes objects out of women. It takes what God has intended as a gift between a husband and a wife and cheapens it to a lustful moment full of sinful disgrace. It makes something beautiful into something cheap, selfish and ugly. It makes you feel like you can look without hurting anyone, it often hurts everyone. The lie is so subtle, it makes you think that you have control…no rejection, no pain…but all lies. One powerful lie is that if you keep it to yourself, you won’t hurt anyone and you can quit anytime you want.
I, Todd, hate most of all how it has hurt my wife. How could I allow something so cheap into my mind that would drive a wedge between the love of my life and me? I hate that it has robbed her of security. I hate that causes her to doubt her own positive self image, that used to be so healthy. I hate that it has for even one moment, even so brief, to doubt my love for her.
I hate it because it nearly cost me my testimony, my witness for Christ, but through confession and repentance, I have victory in Christ and my witness has a more power.
Beyond these things is the bigger picture of brokenness. We hate how it robs a person of joy, peace and abundant life. I, Diane, hate how my husband was feeding on porn in his times of stress instead of on the Word of God, where we find all we need for abundant life and power to overcome temptation and sin. I hate how this sin, as with any sin, separates us from our Savior. Once my husband confessed it to me, he felt a freedom and peace that he lacked since he was a teen when discovered Playboy magazines. Now he is in God’s Word daily and knows the power of Christ to overcome sin and temptation.
We hate how Satan uses it for destruction in the addict’s life, and then moves onto destroying marriages and families if it isn’t stopped. Despite all of its destruction, we know that whatever Satan intends for destruction, God uses for construction. We’re living proof. Walking in victory together, we are closer & stronger than ever. We’re thankful that God is bigger than porn! God is greater than addiction and sin! God is bigger than the betrayal and the pain! God is the Healer. God is the Victory!