For as many years as I can remember being in a troubled marriage I have had to endure Valentines day and my wedding anniversary one week apart.  Any occasion without your mate (I am talking emotionally and spiritually unavailable just as much as I am physically unavailable) is painful.  Birthdays, holidays, sick days, celebrations, days for “lovers” and then the annual wedding anniversary.   I am going to be really transparent here because women need to know they are not alone in thinking or feeling the way they do…

I get pretty angry at times that I am a married woman without the advantages of the marriage…especially the marriage bed.  Because my husband chooses to self gratify, I get celibacy. The union is broken, the marriage bed defiled. While that might sound downright crude- it should because sex is something God wanted to bless me/us with, it is something that is rightfully mine by this covenant and yet… nope.  The husband caught up in the betrayal not only takes what is not his, but he takes what also belongs to his wife. He makes decisions for both of them and they both miss out because of it.

Suffering is a part of the process and it is a part of our journey here in this earth but some times I lose sight of the fact that GOD will not waste any ounce of suffering and I tend to get caught up thinking about what I am missing out on.  There are times I really struggle but God seems to continue to give me the grace I need to remain faithful to Jesus.

Today is Valentines day and I am watching the world celebrate lovers.  It is one thing to be single and not have a Valentine… it is another to be married which by default gives you a Valentine but in this case one who doesn’t want you. Perhaps the only thing that brings me comfort is knowing that the lover of my soul looks at me and celebrates His eternal love for me not only on this day- but EVERY day!  Truly if I focus on this I am free.

Ok; I am getting off of the pity party now and leaving you with a sweetheart of a story, I hope you enjoy!



The Legend of Saint Valentine!

The story of Valentine’s Day begins in the third century with an oppressive Roman emperor
and a humble Christian martyr. The emperor was Claudius II. The Christian was Valentinus.
Claudius had ordered all Romans to worship twelve gods, and he had made it a crime punishable by death to associate with Christians. But Valentinus was dedicated to the ideals of Christ, and not even the threat of death could keep him from practicing his beliefs.
He was arrested and imprisoned. During the last weeks of Valentinus’s life, a remarkable thing happened. Seeing that he was a man of learning, the jailer asked whether his daughter, Julia, might be brought to Valentinus for lessons. She had been blind since birth.
Julia was a pretty young girl with a quick mind. Valentinus read stories of Rome’s history to her. He taught her arithmetic and told her about God. She saw the world through his eyes,
trusted in his wisdom, and found comfort in his quiet strength.

“Valentinus, does God really hear our prayers?” Julia said one
day.”Yes, my child, He hears each one,” he replied. “Do you know what I
pray for every morning and every night?
I pray that I might see. I want so much to see everything you’ve told me about!”
“God does what is best for us if we will only believe in Him,” Valentinus said.
“Oh, Valentinus, I do believe,” Julia said intensely. “I do.”She knelt and grasped his hand.
They sat quietly together, each praying. Suddenly there was a brilliant
light in the prison cell. Radiant, Julia screamed,”Valentinus, I can
see! I can see!” “Praise be to God!” Valentinus exclaimed.

On the eve of his death, Valentinus wrote a last note to Julia, urging her to stay close to God, and he signed it “From Your Valentine.”His sentence was carried out the next day,
February 14, 270 A.D., near a gate that was later named Porta Valentini
in his memory. He was buried at what is now the Church of Praxedes in
Rome. It is said that Julia herself planted a pink-blossomed almond tree near his grave. Today, the almond tree
remains a symbol of abiding love and friendship. On each February 14,
St. Valentine’s Day, messages of affection, love, and devotion are exchanged around the world.