Last week Darcy posted the blog titled “Doing Things Together Is Not Always the Answer”. The blog touched on the fact that some women have been given the advice to watch porn with their husbands to make their sexual relationship better. During the time that blog was up on the site we received some supporting comments and some not so supporting comments. Since Darcy started this topic I would like to take this time to add my two cents about the subject of watching porn as a couple and what it tends to do to your sexual relationship with your wife.
Now Darcy and I are not exempt from the statistics that are up there for couples who have viewed porn together. We watched it together from time to time and I know that the only real reason that she did it was because she though I would like it and that our sexual relationship could improve from it. Trust me she did not do it because she liked it but, because she felt she had to. Darcy has also expressed that another reason for watching the movies with me was because that is just what you do. She also read the comments in the magazines or heard someone talking about it on a television show.
I can not lie about the fact that after these viewing sessions the movies did help fuel up a sexual relationship. That relationship was not however with Darcy, but with the porn stars that I had just seen on the screen.
Darcy would at times get really uncomfortable when we would go to the bedroom after watching the movie. Some of the movies I had at the time showed the man in a more dominate role and he would become rough with his partner. He did not strike her or beat her but the sex was harder and rougher. After watching this I would act it out in the bedroom and this would some times scare her since I would become rough sexually. Darcy would not say anything to me because at this point she did not feel she was in control.
One of the biggest components lost was love. There was no love there between us during this time. The only reason Darcy was there was to please me and allow me to do with her what I liked. For Darcy she felt just like that, someone who was being used for sex and not loved. This is not what God intended sex to be like. He created it to be a time for the two of you to share one another and to love one another in a physical way. Having watched the movies with me though had given her and me a twisted view of what sex is meant to be. It was her understanding that sex with her husband was to be just like that in the movie. And I was just filling my fantasies and acting out and she was just along for the ride.
Darcy did not truly want to watch these movies with me and it was not her desire to see other people having sex. Once in bed she felt very uncomfortable and was not enjoying her sexual relationship with her husband. Sex in a marriage is not a one way road and you need to talk to each other. Tell your partner what it is you like and do not like when you are together. If you feel like you are being used; tell them. If it feels like there is no love; tell them. A good sexual relationship will be a two way street with communication. The thing is watching porn movies together will not bring the two of you any closer. If anything it will place a wedge between the two of you and your sexual relationship.
Brian & Darcy