Sex. It seems to be all around us and on everyone’s mind. But, what is real sex?
Let’s start by looking at the word real. If something is real it means that it is genuine or authentic. For example, would you rather have a homemade turkey Thanksgiving dinner or a frozen TV dinner? Would you rather have a genuine diamond ring or a cubic zirconium ring?
It’s a no brainer, right? We want the real stuff.
But, so often, in life, I find myself giving in and settling for less than the best. I choose the “TV dinner” and the “cubic zirconium.” Why do I so easily compromise? Many times, it’s because it’s the easy thing. Popping a TV dinner into the microwave is so much easier than cooking a full blown turkey dinner for Thanksgiving. It definitely will not have the same rewards and results, but it will fill my belly and give me some instant gratification.
And the same can be true for sex. In my past, I have settled for what was readily available via pornography as a married woman instead of engaging in the real thing – sex with my husband.
You See, Real Sex is Meant to Be a Bond
God created real sex to be a bond between one man and one woman in a committed relationship called marriage. And He created sex to be enjoyed, yes enjoyed, within the context of marriage. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
Let me use the following illustration to explain. Let’s say you have a roll of duct tape and you tear off a 4 to 5 inch strip of tape and place it on your forearm (the side with hair). Next, you make sure the tape is fully bonded with your skin. Finally you pull it off quickly…ouch! It probably took some hair with it. Now do that same thing three more times. What do you think will happen over time? Gradually the tape will lose its ability to bond to your skin. And eventually it will not stick at all.
Can you see where I am going with this illustration?
The bond of sex is the deepest with our first partner, just as the duct tape will bond best with our skin the first time. And just like the tape loses its ability to bond over time, we can also lose our God-given ability to bond through sex when we have multiple partners. So, the more often we have casual sex, the less we will be able to bond and the less fulfilling sex will be.
That’s because real sex is meant to be a bond between one man and one woman in a committed relationship called marriage.
There is Good News!
No matter where you have been, no matter what you have done and no matter what has been done to you; there is forgiveness in Christ and there is hope. Personally, I have made many mistakes when it comes to sex. However, I have confessed my sin and found forgiveness in Christ. God has brought healing in my life and has been restoring my ability to bond with my husband again. And He can do the same for you.