trust[Editor’s note: today’s post is an excerpt from Eyes of Integrity: The Porn Pandemic and How It Affects You by Craig Gross, with Jason Harper]

A healthy marriage is based on trust and intimacy. We see this idea in the scripture that states, “a man should leave his mother and a woman leave her home and the two shall become one.”

That verse is all about leaving what was safe (your parents’ house) and building something together that is safe (your house).

A man is raised from a young age as a boy to depend on his father’s leadership and trust in his mother’s maternal nurturing, and when he marries, he must transfer his trust, leaving his dependence on mom and finding it in his bride. This is the first stepping stone for a scriptural marriage.

What about a woman? God intended her to be raised in a home that was her safe place, where nothing could or should be able to hurt her in her home. We know that isn’t always the case, but that’s the hope we have for all our children. And the scriptures instruct her to leave her home and shift her trust for safety to her husband.

Porn is a violation of trust, plain and simple. (Tweet This!) Remember the story of Terri? Her husband introduced porn into their marriage, and now they’re still working on rebuilding the broken trust. If you’re reading this with porn stashed in your home, car, office, or computer, it is only a matter of time before someone who trusts you finds it. And then what will become of that trust? Is it worth it?

The other scenario of broken trust we hear happens when a spouse voluntarily suggests bringing porn into the marriage, inevitably to “spice things up.” I have heard both husbands and wives confess they used this approach out of a selfish desire to indulge in porn.

But marriage just be husband and wife; there should be no other. This approach always backfires, because inevitably the husband will wonder if his wife is more amused with what’s on the screen than what is in the bed. Without fail, a woman’s own insecurities will increase as her husband finds climax, and she will wonder whether it was her or the video that caused arousal…

Fantasy always eventually takes people farther than they are willing to go, and offers no turnaround.

The eyes won’t be satisfied and you aren’t justified using the imagery of another person—even a picture of another person—to stimulate yourself through substitution.

Porn lies, telling you that your spouse will never measure up to what porn has to offer. Once you believe that—and you will believe that—your intimacy is over.

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