Not to long ago Darcy and I had a chance to take a trip to California without the kids. This gave us some time to talk and reflect a bit about what we had been through and how things are going now. One topic that we talked about was a question people have asked more lately.
The questions was “Did you love Darcy when you were addicted to pornography”? While we were talking about this question like a typical man I chimed in and said “Of course I loved you the whole time, even during my struggles with porn”. Then Darcy set me straight (yes like she usually does; hey I am a man what do you expect?) She turned toward me and gave me a smirk and said “Who do you think you’re kidding with that comment”? I can honestly say that I did not feel as though you loved me during that period of time.” I tried and stand my ground and defend my case but, as I thought about it some more I didn’t love her the way I should have.
Over time porn had become my true love and I would do anything for it. I’d lie to my wife, cheat on my wife, and steal from my wife. When I’d lie to my wife I’d tell her that I was at working on overtime when I was looking at porn. I cheated on my wife by lusting for other women and pretending to be with them when Darcy and I would have sex. I stole her soul, her respect, and the love she so deserved to get.
Looking back I now know that porn was doing the same thing to me it was lying to me, cheating me, and stealing from me. Porn lied to me by telling me that looking at this stuff is OK. It’s just you and the computer; you’re not hurting anyone else. Porn cheated me out of a life that God so desired for me to live and a family that was being so neglected. It was stealing my soul, spirit, and the love that I needed to be showing others; especially my wife.
It starts out slow and then it grows into a monster. I loved Darcy with all my heart and I would do anything for her when we were dating and a short time into our marriage. But as I would get more and more involved with pornography I slowly started to show more love to it and not to Darcy.
The thing is even though I did not show her love during this time she fought for it; our love, our marriage, our friendship. People ask Darcy all the time “why did you stay with him; why?” Her comment time after time is “I made a promise before God that for better or for worse I would be there. So many couples take the low road and just give up and do not fight for their marriage. No one ever told us that marriage was an easy trip and I feel that any honest couple will tell you that at times marriage can seem like hell. We all have problems, we all have a struggle, and we all fail at times and this is what will make your marriage stronger; by working through it.”
If you are a wife and are battling this right now I know you may be saying to yourself that there is now way. Darcy and I are here to tell you that YES; there is hope in this and you can fight for your marriage and win. I can now say that my wife knows she is loved and feels it.