Before I even start, I feel the need to say this as a sidebar:
Due to lack of grace & freedom still in the church in places, many ssa strugglers do not feel they can be open about their struggle. Therefore, where can they go for honest, relational, godly encouragement? As a church goer for decades, and involved in past leadership, I just want to say, if that is your issue, on behalf of the church, please forgive me! Forgive the church. I repent for ignorance. It makes me think of Jesus on the cross.
Luke 23:34 “Then Jesus said, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”
I pray you all find a safe place to talk and grow. May the Lord lead you.
“Not again.” Mornings were hard back in the day. Always wondering what all I got myself into the night before. Then getting slivers of pictures that became a reel of my previous nights escapades. Like a giant forehead slap to my soul, I was filled with remorse.
Here I was, a Christian now, trying to cope with some severe addictions, one of them being the lady I was living with. I was also addicted to going to bars. This changed somewhat when I, for the second time, got drunk and preached in a bar. Like to everyone within earshot. Standing up and looking down the whole bar I would slur things like….”You need Sheeshush….you should say Sheeshush ……come into my heart.” Yep, I was that lady.
Then at home, I was not always successful in my attempt to draw the line on my lesbian activity. My lover was trying to be supportive as I struggled with strong desire for her, yet strong desire to follow what I believed the Lord was leading me to. It was hell. Due to my emotional dependency, I did not want us to be apart, so leaving at that time was not on my radar.
It was like going on a diet and having cheesecake with strawberry sauce walking around in front of me. Day after day, night after night. Aaaak! Talk about cry out to God! Sometimes more like whimper out to God while pounding my head on the table. It was a Boot Camp for victory over lust and if I could survive this, I could survive anything.
I would like to tell you about all the people that were encouraging me but I had no one. I did have someone building a nest for me to eventually land in, but on a day to day basis, it was me and God. If you only got one choice of a partner to get you through something, I strongly recommend Jesus. Even when you mess up, he lovingly comforts you. HE encouraged me. Through that, I learned to encourage myself. David did that too.
1 Samuel 30:6 “But David strengthened himself in the Lord.”
What does this mean? Did he grab himself by the collar and slam himself against the wall while yelling “Get a grip on yourself!” I know whatever he did, it wasn’t passive. The Hebrew verb means “persistent and continuous effort.” He looked deep within himself and met God there. He remembered all the times God had been enough. He remembered scripture & song. He refreshed himself in the Lord by enjoying His presence. He poured his heart out and listened.
God responded by encouraging him. He is our best cheerleader!
We also get to be cheerleaders.
Hebrews 3:13 “…but exhort (encourage) one another daily, while it is called today, lest any of you be hardened through deceitfulness of sin.”
Encouraging others is such a privilege! That we can give courage to another human being amazing. To strive to encourage people daily is an honorable goal and much needed, obviously, as it can keep people on the path and away from hard heartedness.You can look like all kinds of party on the outside, but if you get a hard heart, it is such an empty feeling. A joyless life. Stuck in addiction, you as the slave.
Jesus, wants to fill your life with joy eternal! You can do it with Him! You can start over now, and repent of sin. Receive his forgiveness. Commit to His plan for your life. Seek Him with your whole heart. Ask Him to lead you. He changes us from the inside out. We partner with Him. We are not alone!
John 14:18 “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”
May the presence of the Lord surround you and give you courage. He is the God of all hope.
Romans 15:13 (message) “Oh! May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!”
Don’t give up. It will all be worth it. Just be true to Jesus.