My pastor once said that grace becomes radical when you consider that Christ calls us to come in all the specificity of the things we have done. What I would say is that we call to each other in a much different way.
Christ is interested in healing the sinner in all of the ways they are in need of redemption, not with broad brush strokes but with painfully small, carefully precise corrections. Christ has the power to reform in sweeping rebirth and the power to create a life-long search for Christ-likeness, one small investigation of the heart at a time.
Part of dealing with the small truths about our sinful hearts means ditching the way we talk about sin. We can only know someone so much when they confess that they are “really struggling with sin.” True, we can pray for them and ask God to intervene in their hearts and reorient their actions, but what about seeking a more transparent answer so that we can seek what that looks like together? Of course, this begins with being transparent ourselves, allowing others to see our sins in all of their ugliness so that, together, we can work toward healing.
Recently, I had a friend who had signed up for X3Watch and their reports started rolling in. At first, they seemed pretty regular with very few questionable sites. Then, more and more, I began to notice that the porn sites they were visiting were becoming more and more violent. We were able to sit down and have a down-to-earth discussion about his heart and how he was viewing women. He still struggles, but we have an on-going conversation about how he sees woman and their dignity.
In the same way, how can someone help us if we keep our struggle with same-sex porn to ourselves? I can remember a night in college when my X3 reported some sites I thought were off the radar. I ran out of my dorm and went straight to the dorm with my friend who would get the report. Before he got the report, I had the opportunity to explain my heart and the nature of my struggle with porn. The way I viewed men was broken.
If you’re having same-sex attraction, talk to someone. Allow them to see what transparency looks like without being forced. Openness only allows that person to better serve you (and God) as they walk with you to heal your brokenness. It’s definitely not easy. It’s a heck of a lot easier to just say you’re “really struggling” for the rest of your life. But what if we actually didn’t have to at all because we exposed our sins, calling one another to Christ in all the specificity of the things we have done?
Find another person, allow them to help you heal.