Saw this article online and thought I would share it – Craig
It
may seem harmless at first. Everything may seem under control. You’re
just in it for kicks, right? But, as too many people can tell you, porn
use is a slippery slope if you don’t keep yourself in check.
Here are some major red flags that you may have a problem with pornography:
1. You’ve become anti-social.
You
are spending more time with pornography than you are with the outside
world. If you are single (and even if you are putting yourself out
there) your preoccupation with porn may be hindering your ability to
establish long-term, monogamous relationships. If you are involved with
someone, you may find yourself bowing out of couple and familial
obligations to steal moments with your laptop or DVD player. Bottom
line: You only have eyes for porn stars and no one else.
2. You’re lying to your partner.
Your
once honest relationship is now plagued by secrecy and dishonesty as
you try to hide your porn habit. About 70 percent of people keep their
porn use a secret. And many will go to all sorts of extremes in making
sure that they are not found out. Even when busted, many will do or say
anything to hide the truth.
3. Your partner is no longer attractive.
Unbeknownst
to your partner, s/he has competition – and it’s your favorite porn
star. Obsessed with fantasy characters, you find it hard to get turned
on to the real thing, including yourself. That’s right; you’re not even
letting yourself off the hook. Casting yourself against fiction, you’re
sizing yourself up as unattractive. Either way, you are likely avoiding
or completely uninterested in sex with your lover.
4. Your sex life with your partner is suffering.
Both
your sexual desire and functioning, including arousal, have taken a
nose dive. You and your lover are feeling robbed of romance, passion
and emotional closeness. This is because you are not truly present with
your partner. Emotionally distant, you are too busy having sex with
porn. Ultimately, you are dissatisfied with your actual sex life, and
this is affecting your relationship.
5. Your concept of “real intimacy” has become warped.
When
you re-emerge from the fantasy world, you’re finding that your
expectations about sex, sexual partners and intimacy have become
unrealistic. You’re only interested in those who look and act like porn
stars (which severely limit your dating pool if single). Sadly, you
start to think there must be something “wrong” your lover for not
putting out like a porn star. Furthermore, you’re objectifying others,
wondering what he or she would look like unclothed or how they would
act during sex.
6. The habit is causing you distress.
Torn
between desire and shame, your use of porn is causing you physiological
and emotional distress. You may feel like a “sex pervert,” or suffer
from isolation, shame, anger, unrest, depression and irritability. You
may be distressed over the fact that using porn conflicts with your
value system. Overall, your porn kink is starting to cause family,
work, legal and/or spiritual problems.
7. You are engaging in risky behaviors.
You
might be OK with ideas that usually make you think twice, for instance,
having unprotected sex, but now you are engaging in behavior that is
out of control. Soliciting a prostitute, looking at child pornography
or anything involving animals or violence warrants a need for help.
If
your porn habit is causing you to neglect important life matters, you
should seek professional help, especially if it is causing you and your
partner distress. A sex counselor or therapist may be able to help.
It also wouldn’t hurt to read “The Porn Trap,” which I thought was well-written and thoughtful.
Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert and columnist