When I was 8 years old, I saw porn for the first time and started
masturbating when I was 10. Ever since then, both addictions have been
slowly getting worse. Whether it was on cable at my aunt and uncle’s
house, the fuzzy version of the Spice Channel, romance novels, erotic
stories, or porn videos on the internet, I found some way to feed the
beast. As a really unconfident girl, I knew I would never feel daring
enough to do this kind of stuff with a guy. Masturbating and porn were
ways two easy routes to self-satisfaction.
I found the Lord
when I was 15 and have gradually given more and more of my life over to
Him ever since. I recently realized how deeply enslaved I am to my
sexual desires and just how much they distance me from God. I’m not in
denial about my sin anymore and chose to lay those desires completely
down about a month ago.
An ugly side-effect of this
addiction is that I often have trouble not thinking of men in sexual
ways. If I am with a really good-looking, godly man, I have a hard time
not fantazing about him and not focusing on how his presence in my life
in a gift. If marriage is in His plan for me, I would hate to continue
to struggle in this way.
I still feel the desire to masturbate
and watch porn, but God has given me the strength to deny myself.
Tonight things have been especially hard. I know this will get harder
before it gets easier, and I would greatly appreciate any prayers,
scripture, or encouragement you have to share.
One love <3