To all women who have participated in the porn or adult entertainment industry:
My name is Jim, and I am a recovering sex addict.
I am writing to you to apologize for any harm I may have caused you as a result of my participation in various adult entertainment businesses. Although it’s been seven months since I’ve looked at porn, I spent 30+ years viewing porn, calling 900 numbers, and attending strip clubs, among other things.
In my mind, I had the false belief I was engaging in behavior between two consenting adults.
I thought there was no victim. I was wrong.
While we may have been “consenting,” I now see the flaws in my thinking. My motives were completely selfish and I’m ashamed to admit that I never once stopped to consider the effects my actions may have had on the women I was viewing or speaking with. To the women in the adult entertainment industry, I am very sorry for my selfish and destructive behavior. I am very sorry that:
I never stopped to consider you were a victim of my selfishness.
I never stopped to consider how your involvement in this industry may be affecting you.
I never stopped to consider that maybe you didn’t want to do the things you were doing.
I never stopped to consider that you may have been hurting.
I never stopped to consider that you have feelings.
I never stopped to consider that you might be trying to “get out”.
I never stopped to consider that you may be dying inside.
I never stopped to consider that guys like me keep your industry thriving.
I never stopped to consider that I was keeping you from a relationship with Christ.
I never stopped to consider your value as a human being: Your heart, your mind, your soul, your spirit, your dreams, your ability to love and be loved, your struggle, your pain, your history, your humanity.
I am deeply sorry for all of this.
If you are in pain, I am deeply sorry for the ways guys like me have treated you. While I certainly do not know how you feel, I hope this letter might bring you an increased sense of self-worth and the hope for a better tomorrow.
I can’t take away my past actions, but I can promise you I will continue to work hard every day never to be “that guy” again. I wish I could promise you I will never hurt you again, but I can’t. I can only promise that every time I am tempted, I will see the consequences of my actions and hope and pray this will be enough to help me make healthier decisions.
I hope you know that you are valued, worthy, and significant.
If you’re looking for a change, I hope you find a way out. I hope you find a way to fulfill your destiny of being the mother, daughter, friend, partner, or sister God wants you to be.
Lastly, I want you to know that I work as a sponsor with other sex addicts and will continue to find ways not only to lead a better life myself, but also to help others who struggle with this affliction. I know I can’t rid the world of porn viewers, but I can try to ease the pain, one consumer at a time.
[Editor’s note: healing often comes when we confess our failures and come clean about our mistakes. Jim wrote this as a means of bringing about his own healing; if you would like to make a confession of your own, we invite you to come clean and submit your own confession.]