Last week Jeanette and I had the great privilege to spend sometime with Kimberly formerly known as Houston. She lives in Vegas and I happened to be speaking at the church that she has been attending and we caught up shortly after that. Jeanette and I were both blown away by her story and want to share some of it with you all and give you a chance to respond. We don’t have all the exact needs in front of us quite yet but we want to do something for her. I asked her to write out some of her story for me and here is what she gave me today.
My story, upbringing and the problems I experienced are far too common. A family history of alcoholism and abuse and a personal history of alcoholism and drug abuse rarely lead to good things. You can walk into any strip club or porn set in the world and will find that 99% of the women have the same back story. Through hard work, bad luck and a lot of pain I was able to take porn to a whole new level. I achieved national and international success and experienced people, places and things most people only dream of.
Unfortunately, those incredible highs have also been offset by horrible lows, from medical drama to addiction, divorce, kids teasing my child and now cancer.
The world of porn is one that thrives on numbness typically created by drugs and alcohol. The more numb you are, the more you are willing to do. The more drunk and high you are, the crazier things you do and the more you get paid. It’s a vicious cycle. Case in point, I had sex with 620 guys in a single day. The event was a successful publicity stunt that won me an award for best selling video of all time. That, along with the other movies and crazy stuff I did catapulted me to the top of the adult world. I was so deep into porn that I just took the ball and ran with it, doing more and more outrageous things.
I was a single parent living in LA, supporting my daughter by doing bachelor parties, bikini contests and mud wrestling. At the same time I was also getting into mainstream acting, but not making it big fast enough. I was introduced to a porn agent and asked if I’d like to be in a porn video, they paid very well and I thought I had nothing to lose. That week the producer called me and asked me if I would like to be an exclusive contract girl for their company. They would pay me $10,000 a month for several films. I was so broke and struggling that there was no question in my mind. I didn’t think of anything but the fame and money, not God, disease, my family or anything.
By 2002, I was still living in LA. I had bought a home in the San Fernando Valley, I was a featured stripper for 32 weeks a year all over the world. I was surviving on methamphetamines to keep going and was a complete mess. I was still doing porn and basically killing myself. I had a nanny for my daughter who would take care of us both, I don’t know how she did it. She said she prayed for me all of the time.
By now ten years had gone by and I had become one of the biggest porn stars in the history of the adult industry. I was an empty shell full of hate and sadness and I felt totally alone. I contemplated suicide often and all the money in the world couldn’t make me feel happy or whole. By that time in my life I had by then been brought to my knees on several occasions, praying to God to not let me die this time. My heart would beat so fast that I know a couple times God stepped in and saved me.
I had enough and I knew couldn’t die and leave my daughter. I decided to sell the house and move as far away as I could afford from my druggie friends and porn. I retired after 10 years, having been inducted into the porn hall of fame. I thought “my daughter and I can move to Vegas and start a new life,” and that’s what we did. I couldn’t handle the fans and the people all over; I knew I would eventually overdose if I stayed in LA.
Later, I got my real estate license and was working for a home builder. I had been working for them for a couple of years, trying not to wear a lot of makeup, dying my hair brown and even gaining some weight as to not get recognized. In April 2008, I was fired on the spot. Someone in the corporate office recognized me. I was devastated, I worked so hard and was a great sales person. They said they just couldn’t have me on the front lines, even if that career was in the past.
That same month, I was diagnosed with stage III Melanoma Cancer. I was in complete shock, I never had a growth removed or any kind of skin issues. It was in my lymphatic system. In July, I had extensive surgery to remove several lymph nodes in both my right and left arm. I recovered for a month and then in August I was put on a drug [a form of chemo] for an entire month, intravenously, everyday. I now give myself injections at home three times a week for the remaining 11 months. It’s a year of treatment and the percentages of survival are not good… but my attitude is. Everyday I put on my armor when I get up. I will beat this demon, I have beat worse. I know that I am special and God is going to use me to help others. God has something for me that I can’t even imagine.
My story is one of hope, that people can change, that women and men in porn have a choice and they don’t have to be violated or exploit themselves in order to feel accepted and loved. There are people to help and love them unconditionally, to show them God is love. I am growing in God everyday and will continue to learn and grow in the church. I cannot change the past, but the past does not make my future. Everyone needs to know God is a loving God and He will love you.
I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and vowed to never be a part of the world that I had lived in before. I have asked for forgiveness and know that I am worthy. My daughter has been attending a new church for 7 months and I started going about 4 months ago. It’s a wonderful church and we love it. I found out about XXXChurch there and wanted to get involved from the minute I found out about what they were doing. I want to help these girls see that they don’t have to go that route…and if I can do it, so can they.
Almost everyone I know that has left the industry walks away with nothing. If you have heard Donny talk about this he says, you never plan for a rainy day in porn so you don’t save and plan on this money going away. Kimberly’s story is no different. She is trying to live a simple life and the bills are piling up because of the cancer and her loss of job. The money from porn is gone if you have not figured that out.
Most of you know we developed The Esther Fund to be able to help people like Kimberly. You can get more information on the Esther Fund here. We want to help meet some immediate needs and bills for Kimberly. We also want to help her get on her feet financially. We have accountability in place and do not just throw money out at people. We take this very seriously and both Jeanette and I can sense the sincerity in Kimberly. She mentioned to us that she would do whatever we needed to help spread the message of XXXchurch and help others. Before we think about having her help others we want to help her.
She has been on Howard Stern over 50 times and went on Stern earlier this year and talked about her fight with cancer. Stern helped her raise some money for medical bills but that money is now gone. Why let Howard Stern do, what the church should be doing. Please consider donating to the Esther Fund to help Kimberly.
(Write Esther Fund in comments section)
We will keep you all up to date on this situation. We hope to introduce Kimberly to you real soon on-line with some videos or blogs or both. Keep checking back.
Thanks for reading this and please Keep Kimberly in your prayers. Pray for complete healing!