Podcast #95

it ran the whole gamut – – from being a professional Dom, to phone sex, to working for an escort agency…i know you all hear the stories, and mine is most likely not much different then any of the other people you help on a daily basis.

i quit, for a long time, but returned to old habits.  i had married a pastor, at the time, the love of my life.  i was 22 when i got married and 30 by the time the divorce was official.  our marriage and ministry as a couple was destroyed because of his addiction to pornography and sex, on a multitude of levels.

when he fell, he fell hard, and has still not gotten back up.  he had taken literally, every cent from me, when he left.  he had actually said to me, that i could allow him to have a mistress, or get divorced.  even typing this makes me recall it all and just shake my head.  sin really does make us do remarkably stupid things.  i asked him to think and prayerfully consider what he had just said over the next 3 days and he said he would.  when we had lunch 3 days later, i asked him if he still wanted what he had asked me for and he said, ‘yes’.  i said ‘you know there is no way i will say yes to that’ and he said, ‘then i am divorcing you…’ and so began the end of my marriage.  the saying is true:  hurt people, hurt people…

i worked a retail job, and still tried to hold my business together  for 4 hours every nite, for 5 – 6 days a week, i would do phone sex, to make some money and get myself in a better place financially.  yes, you read it right – – i was doing work within an industry that helped contribute to the failure of my marriage.  i just shook my head again…sigh.

so, i kept that gig, for a year and a half.  and then i knew, i had to quit, i just had to.  i was dying, i was a mess.  i had everything except real joy or peace.  i had done what i vowed i would never.  and i at the time, even had a boyfriend who was a Believer that new and never said, ‘do not do this’…we later became engaged and broke up, thanks to his addiction to porn.  ridiculous.

fast forward  – – i go back to the Lord and beg for mercy and grace and all the things i could think of, and of course, the Lord being a perfect gentleman, made all things new for me, in all ways and even got me thru the consequences of my actions, after my dalliance with foolishness.