As I continue this week to write about our ministry approach, I wanted to share an article that my friend Adam Palmer wrote for us about our relationship with a guy named J. Handy (on right) who runs the eXXXotica conventions across the U.S.
To the casual observer, J. Handy would seem to be an ordinary Philadelphia resident. He is happily married, with a young family of two children, ages one and four. They don’t live a lavish lifestyle of mansions and summer homes—they are, in most ways, the prototypical middle-class family, with Handy living the American dream of owning his own business and dividing his time between his family and his career.
Ah, but that career.
Handy has been around the trade-show industry for much of his working life; in 2005 he found a financial partner and struck out on his own, starting up his very own trade-show production company. During that first year, they produced a few unrelated shows before Handy hit upon the idea that would change everything.
“We came up with the idea of an adult-consumer-based event,” Handy says.
A porn show.
“We shy away from ‘porn-ification,’” Handy clarifies, “and instead call it a ‘celebration of the sexy.’ It’s a way for like-minded adults to showcase and experience the adult industry.”
And so Exxxotica was born. The “largest event in the USA dedicated to love and sex” began in South Beach, Florida in 2006, and has since grown into four major markets across the country, expanding every year, with somewhere between 15,000 and 20,000 attendants at each show.
Despite its non-family-friendly subject matter, Exxxotica is somewhat of a family affair for Handy. Before the couple had children, his wife helped with many aspects of producing the show; Handy’s mother and stepfather have also lent their hands to create a successful show, and have since day one.
“My stepdad runs the VIP room,” Handy says. “My mom helps, too. [There are only] four people [who] have never missed a show: me, my mom, my stepdad, and Ron Jeremy.”
But there is another entity that has been there since almost the very beginning: XXXchurch.
“When we first learned about them, I didn’t know what it was until at the first show. We have over a hundred exhibitors, and a lot of them have three Xs in the name. I didn’t think much of it until we got on site and [their] people started handing out the ‘Jesus Loves Porn Stars’ bibles.”
Handy chuckles. “I thought it was a gimmick still, even then… and then I realized it was a real bible.”
At this point in the story it would be tempting to inject some antagonism between a pro-porn trade show and an anti-porn ministry. But you’d have to work really hard and use your imagination to see it, because as far as Handy is concerned, he’s happy to have XXXchurch on site at every Exxxotica.
Yes, seeing a ministry inside a porn show “was surprising initially,” says Handy, “but honestly, the beauty of it is—right down to the crazy protesters outside our show—everyone has free speech. Our show itself is founded on that. So for us to want to think negative or act negative toward someone who wants to say what they want to say would be hypocritical.”
That makes sense, but surely Handy is indicating that he’s happy to take XXXchurch’s entry fee and then give the ministry a wide booth at the show itself. Not so, says Handy.
“It’s been a longstanding relationship. To be honest with you, [these are the kinds of people] who, if [they were] my neighbor, we’d just sit down and have dinner and not think twice about it. The outside would dictate that we are an odd pairing, but on the inside, it isn’t that way at all.”
Indeed, XXXchurch has become such a feature of Exxxotica that the ministry is now an indelible part of the “family feel” Handy strives for amongst his exhibitors.
“The beauty of it is that XXXchurch is always there, and now everyone kinda knows who they are. The attendees are always entertained by the marketing side of what they do, and [within the industry], those ‘Jesus Loves Porn Stars’ bibles have become kind of a commodity.”
But what about XXXchurch’s message? Doesn’t that seem antithetical to Exxotica’s purpose? Handy doesn’t see it that way.
“Any industry based on a vice has to realize that, if used incorrectly, it can have a negative impact on people’s lives. The same thing goes for sex, drugs, rock and roll. All those things need to be done in moderation. If porn is ruining someone’s lives, the last thing we [at Exxxotica] want is to contribute to that. We’re all adults and everyone has that freedom of choice and the freedom to speak and act to their own devices. We don’t want to put the booze in an alcoholic’s hand, but everyone has to be responsible for themselves.”
Handy has apparently thought this through, because he has a ready metaphor to describe the difference between XXXchurch and the vocal religious protesters who often occupy the sidewalk outside an Exxxotica show.
“XXXchurch recognizes that, to get someone’s interest or to speak with the people they want to speak with, it requires those people to come to them,” Handy says. “It’s like the difference between Facebook and Myspace. On Myspace you could bug people to join you; on Facebook, you have to be patient and let people come to you. So when you do what XXXchurch does, it works.”
When it comes to XXXchurch’s ministry methods, Handy has nothing but respect. And, it seems, is able to articulate XXXchurch’s methodology better than many Christians:
“XXXchurch lets people come to them; I’ve never seen a XXXchurch member aggressively going after someone to have a religious dialogue, like, ‘What do I need to do to get you in this religion today,’” Handy says.
“I would rather have 100 people who came to me than 1000 people I had to scream at to join my group.”