A MESSAGE TO MEN (THAT WOMEN CAN BENEFIT FROM)

 

“Dear
friend, pay close attention to this, my wisdom; listen very closely
to the way I see it. Then you’ll acquire a taste for good sense; what
I tell you will keep you out of trouble. The lips of a seductive
woman are oh so sweet, her soft words are oh so smooth. But it won’t
be long before she’s gravel in your mouth, a pain in your gut, a
wound in your heart. She’s dancing down the primrose path to Death;
she’s headed straight for Hell and taking you with her. She
hasn’t a clue about Real Life, about who she is or where she’s
going.”—Proverbs
5:1-6 (Message)

“Sensuality
often makes love grow too quickly, so that the root remains weak and
is easy to pull out.”—Friedrich Nietzsche

“Boundaries
emerge from deep within. They are connected to letting go of guilt
and shame, and to changing our beliefs about what we deserve. As our
thinking about this becomes clearer, so will our
boundaries.”—Melody Beattie

“Sex
makes you love people you don’t even like.”—Thurman Webb

OK,
this one especially goes out to my new Facebook friend who asked me
yesterday, “When I was gonna throw the fellas a bone?” Actually,
this has been in the makings for a minute now, but your inquiry
served as a confirmation that it was time to pull it out. Hope
you’re ready. Shoot, I’m a woman and it sent me for a bit of a loop.

Also,
because this is “dedicated to the guys”, and because I know that we as women use at least, double the amount of
words that you do on a daily basis, I am asking God, through the
power of the Holy Spirit (Luke 12:12) to help me to be as concise as
possible (be quiet, Cory!). But, I have a feeling that you are going
to have to “grin and bear” it. There is a lot of ground to
cover. Oh, and there is a head’s up as well: I do know that while
this message is one of love, grace and mercy, if
you ignore it,
impending judgment and wrath are headed straight your way (John
10:10).

One
of my “concubines” from my own past once told me many years ago
that he was an insomniac; that he was fearful of falling asleep.
Among other things, he was a “Cashville Casanova” and that alone
can make any man restless. Psalm 95:11 (NKJV) says, “So
I swore in My wrath,’They shall not enter My rest.’” Some
of you are tossing and turning, both physically and spiritually, and
it’s directly
because of your shenanigans with women. You do see how the lead scripture
for today says that while the lips of a seductive woman are sweet,
eventually they will lead you to “gravel
in your mouth, a pain in your gut, a wound in your heart”, right?
RIGHT?!?

Today,
we are going to explore three traps that many men seem to fall into
when it comes to the wiles of a woman…and the consequences that
follow when they do. My mother often says that discernment prevents
experience from being your teacher. The life instruction book,
affectionately and reverently known as the Bible, is here to show you
that you don’t have to be burned by the same stove that burned
someone else. Women were fine back then, just like they are fine
now. And, the wrong one(s) can ruin your life now…just as they did
back then.

One
of the main things I do want you to keep in mind with each situation
is that WOMEN ARE RECEIVERS…in every way. When you lay down with us
(physically or emotionally) and get back up, you can best believe
that you are not “getting over”. You have left something
behind…EVERY SINGLE TIME. Sex (in all forms) was created for
oneness, regardless of how it goes down. I Corinthians 6:15-16
(NKJV) says, “Surely
you know that your bodies are parts of Christ himself. So I must
never take the parts of Christ and join them to a prostitute! It is
written in the Scriptures, ‘The two will become one body.’ So
you should know that anyone who joins with a prostitute becomes one
body with the prostitute.”

Prostitute: a woman who engages
in sexual intercourse for money; whore; harlot; a person who
willingly uses his or her talent or ability in a base and unworthy
way

Synonyms:
betrayer, cheater, deceiver, gigolo, hustler (oh, and what did Bey
say? “Diva is female version of a hustla?”), seducer

Part
of Speech: Verb: abuse,
cheapen, corrupt, debase, degrade, demean, devalue, misapply,
misemploy, misuse, pervert, VITIATE (to impair or weaken the
effectiveness of; invalidate)

So,
you see there are a
lot of ways to be with a prostitute, right? If a woman sleeps with you for
money…uses her talents in an unworthy way…betrays you…hustles
you…DEVALUES you (alone or in the presence of others)…MISAPPLIES,
MISEMPLOYS…VITIATES you…ALL OF THESE ARE EXAMPLES OF WHAT A
PROSTITUTE CAN DO and if you don’t guard your body and your heart, it
can severely impair your life…and/or the lives that will follow
you. (Proverbs 4:23)

THE
SPIRIT OF DELILAH: “When
Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called
for the lords of the Philistines, saying, ‘Come up once more, for he
has told me all his heart.’ So the lords of the Philistines came up to her and brought the money
in their hand. Then she lulled him to sleep on her knees, and called
for a man and had him shave off the seven locks of his head. Then she
began to torment him, and his strength left him. And she said, ‘The
Philistines are upon you, Samson!’ So he awoke from his sleep, and
said, ‘I will go out as before, at other times, and shake myself
free!’ But he did not know that the Lord had departed from him.

Then
the Philistines took him and put out his eyes, and brought him down
to Gaza. They bound him with bronze fetters, and he became a grinder
in the prison. However, the hair of his head began to grow again
after it had been shaven.”—Judges 16:18-22 (NKJV)

Fellas,
when Jeremiah 17:9 says that the heart is deceitful, that is not
gender-sensitive. When it comes to Samson giving Delilah his heart,
I believe the context is, “the
center of the total personality, esp. with reference to intuition,
feeling, or emotion”. If the story wasn’t so tragic, it would
almost be hilarious how she continued to set him up and he continued
to fall for it. Samson not revealing the source of his strength was
a set boundary for him. DELILAH DIDN’T RESPECT IT.

Now,
something that I fear for a lot of men is that I am not sure they
even have boundaries anymore. It appears that the right (actually,
wrong) woman at the right (wrong) time can break just about any of
you down (not good, not good). But here’s the thing that you can
learn from Samson. Romans 11:29 (NCV) says, “God
never changes his mind about the people he calls and the things he
gives them.” There
are certain things that, since the womb (Jeremiah 1:5), God has
placed within all of you to fulfill your purpose(s) in this life. Go
to God NOW and ask him to (re)reveal what those things are. And
then, protect them at all costs. Samson’s hair was the source of his
strength and his strength was the very thing that he needed to defeat
this Philistines.

Unfortunately,
here’s the catcher: THE VERY THING HE WAS CREATED TO DEFEAT
(TEMPORARILY) DEFEATED HIM. God told Samson’s mother that she would
birth a son for the purpose of saving Israel from the Philistines. He
also instructed her to not eat anything unclean (Leviticus 11), drink
or cut his hair. (Judges 13:2-5) Now, I do think you should read
Judges 14 and 16 to see how other women apparently broke down his
senses so that Delilah wouldn’t have to do as much work as she
probably would have had to otherwise, but the deeper point is that
this man “fell in love” with a woman who was commissioned by the
Philistines…by
the people he was created to conquer! (Don’t
underestimate the power of a woman…they certainly didn’t!)

With
every woman (and I do mean every) that you meet, it couldn’t hurt to
ask God to reveal his mission and purpose for interacting with
them—on the front end. Talking a good game is something that most
of us are excellent at. Looking good is a gift that some of us
misuse for our own purposes. But when a woman is inquiring about the
very secrets of your strength, your purpose, God’s plan for your
life…when she is demanding to know what makes you strong and you
see that she is doing things to try and weaken that strength, WATCH
THAT CHICK. God did not purpose you to be “one” in any way with
any woman who vitiates (weakens the effectiveness) of you. Remember,
the very first woman was created to be a helper. (Genesis 2:18)
Those girls you are hangin’ with, what are they HELPING you do? If
you are not a holistically better man by knowing them, are they
really worth the time/effort/energy? Ask Samson.

The
other sidebar is that I joke often with my male friends about staying
away from “Philistine women”…you know, women outside of God’s
camp/boundary line/hedge of protection. Before Samson’s first
marriage, he had a thing for the Philistine women. When he told his
father he wanted to marry one, his dad said, “Surely there is a
woman from Israel you can marry.” (A woman who would bring FAVOR to
his purpose-Proverbs 18:22) Samson’s response? “Get that woman
for me! She is the one that I want!” (Judges 14:3) You are not
too grown to receive wise counsel. The Bible says that it is a fool
who is right in his own eyes. (Proverbs 12:15) God surrounds us with
discernment for a reason. Don’t just go by what you see…listen to
the visionary perspective of others as well.

Oh,
and finally take note of when, like Samson’s dad, your Father God
says, “Surely there is someone else you can marry.” God respects
our power of choice even when we choose against his will. Letting you
go into the Enemy’s camp doesn’t always/necessarily mean that he willed it.
He always knows who/what’s best for you. Trust that.

THE
SPIRIT OF PROMISCUITY AND BEING UNEQUALLY-YOKED: “But King Solomon loved many foreign women, as well as the daughter
of Pharaoh: women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians,
and Hittites—from the nations of whom the Lord had said to the
children of Israel, ‘You shall not intermarry with them, nor they
with you. Surely they will turn away your hearts after their gods.’
Solomon clung to these in love. And
he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines;
and his wives turned away his heart.
For it was so, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned his heart
after other gods; and his heart was not loyal to the Lord his God, as
was the heart of his father David….

Therefore
the Lord said to Solomon, ‘Because you have done this, and have not
kept My covenant and My statutes, which I have commanded you, I will
surely tear the kingdom away from you and give it to your servant.
Nevertheless I will not do it in your days, for the sake of your
father David; I will tear it out of the hand of your son. However I
will not tear away the whole kingdom; I will give one tribe to your
son for the sake of My servant David, and for the sake of Jerusalem
which I have chosen.’”—I Kings 11:1-4 and 11-13 (NKJV)

OK,
first let me say that this is one instance where culture needs to be
especially taken into consideration. Yes, I totally believe that
Solomon had a thing for the ladies, but acquiring 1000 women was also
about getting the land that was a part of their inheritance.

That
said, there is still a valuable lesson to be learned here. Amos 3:3
says that two cannot walk together unless they are in agreement. 2
Corinthians 6:14 instructs us not to be unequally yoked with
non-believers; that righteousness should not fellowship with
lawlessness and light should not commune with darkness. As children
of God, you are to be the light of the world (Matthew 5:13-16) You
are not to commune (to
converse or talk together, usually with profound intensity, intimacy,
etc.; interchange thoughts or feelings) with a woman who is
(cryptically) obscure or conceals…who has a “lack of knowledge or
enlightenment “ on spiritual things (in the sense of preferring not
to know)…who isn’t very bright, has a threatening disposition, is
difficult to understand (not forthcoming), who is morbid,
(consistently) satirical, lacks depth or seems wicked or evil (yes,
all of these are definitions of “darkness”). One of the things
that God calls us not to be are stumbling blocks for others. (Romans
14:13) A woman who has you “stumbling over” your wisdom,
knowledge, pride, purpose, time, energy, focus, discernment, common
sense…again, not good. The Message Version of Proverbs 3:21 says, “Dear
friend, guard Clear Thinking and Common Sense with your life; don’t
for a minute lose sight of them.” You can “lose sight” when you spend your leisure time “in the
dark” or with “ladies of the night”.

And
when you do, you can find yourself like Solomon. Here he was, the
wisest man on earth (I Kings 4:29-34) and yet he let women affect his
relationship with his Creator, the very giver of his wisdom, to the
point that they turned his heart away from God. Amazing! Even after
getting clear and direct instructions on him needing to avoid these
women, his greed and lust (I Timothy 6:9) led him to disobey. As a
direct result, not only did he have to bear the consequences, but so
did the generation that followed. BECAUSE OF HIS SELFISH AMBITION
(Philippians 2:3), his son had to pay for his poor choices.

Fellas,
what you do ain’t just about you. Other people are affected by the
decisions that you make. “Sowin’ your royal oats” may appear to
be just a part of growing up…what all men do, but you
weren’t created to do that. I Corinthians 7:2 (NKJV) says, “Nevertheless, because
of sexual immorality,
let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own
husband.” God knows what promiscuity can lead to…even if you never get
“her/them” pregnant”…never get an STD…never get “found
out”—by others…yet. (Luke 12:3) It can turn your heart away
from God, which is the absolute worst consequence at all. (Romans 1)
And let me just say that if you are someone who doesn’t feel
convicted just by reading this, then you are further away from him
than you think. This is certainly your wake-up call!

THE
SPIRIT OF JEZEBEL:
“But there was no one like Ahab who sold himself to do wickedness
in the sight of the Lord because
Jezebel his wife stirred him up.
And he behaved very abominably in following idols, according to all
that the Amorites had done, whom the Lord had cast out before the
children of Israel.

So
it was, when Ahab heard those words, that he tore his clothes and put
sackcloth on his body, and fasted and lay in sackcloth, and went
about mourning.

And
the word of the Lord came to Elijah the Tishbite, saying, ‘See how
Ahab has humbled himself before Me? Because he has humbled himself
before Me, I will not bring the calamity in his days. In the days of
his son I will bring the calamity on his house.’”—I Kings
21:25-29 (NKJV)

Jezebel.
OOO, Jezebel. It’s because of her that I am sending this out to
more than my single friends. The fact is that some of you men are
married to a spiritual descendant of this woman.
Aside from being Ahab’s wife, one dictionary describes her as, “a
shameless impudent scheming woman”.

Shameless:
lacking any sense of shame: immodest; audacious

Impudent:
characterized by offensive boldness; insolent or impertinent

Scheming:
given to making plans, esp. sly and underhand ones; crafty; a secret
or devious plan; a plot

Let’s
take a moment to explore the modernized Jezebel woman:

She
has no problem putting your vulnerabilities on front street. A
Jezebel woman.

She
bucks up to you no matter when or where. A
Jezebel woman.

You
don’t discover what she’s done, where she’s been or what she’s bought
until you get the monthly cell phone bill or credit card statement
(if she doesn’t intercept it). A
Jezebel woman.

She’ll
wear whatever, whenever and to heck with you and how you may feel
about it. A
Jezebel woman.

She
doesn’t take your opinions/insights/leadership abilities seriously. A Jezebel woman.

She
uses sex as currency. Foreplay dialogue is “If this, then…” A
Jezebel woman.

And
you see, here’s the main thing about her: manipulation and control
are the name of the game at all times. I am here to tell you as
someone who is detoxing that spirit from me as we speak, that most,
if not all, women have some Jezebel lurking around inside of them.
It’s demonic and not God’s plan or purpose for a woman being in your
life. We are called to bring favor (Proverbs 18:22), but what we are also called to do is submit (as you submit to God-Ephesians 5:22-23). That said, there is one
exchange of communication between Jezebel and Ahab that tickles me
and many husbands could benefit from revisiting:

“Ahab
answered, ‘I talked to Naboth, the man from Jezreel. I said, ‘Sell me
your vineyard, or, if you prefer, I will give you another vineyard
for it.’ But Naboth refused.’

Jezebel
answered, ‘Is this
how you rule as king over Israel? Get up, eat something, and cheer
up. I will get Naboth’s vineyard for you.’

So
Jezebel wrote some letters, signed Ahab’s name to them, and used his
own seal to seal them. Then she sent them to the elders and important
men who lived in Naboth’s town. The letter she wrote said: ‘Declare a
day during which the people are to fast. Call the people together,
and give Naboth a place of honor among them. Seat two troublemakers
across from him, and have them say they heard Naboth speak against
God and the king. Then take Naboth out of the city and kill him with
stones.’

The
elders and important men of Jezreel obeyed Jezebel’s command, just as
she wrote in the letters.”—I Kings 21:6-11 (NCV)”

Is
it me or did she totally punk him out? Shoot, I’m not even married
(yet) and I have learned that I often have a hard time learning the
difference between letting a man vent/come to me for counsel vs.
turning around and running things. The ladies who are eavesdropping
on this, again, submission is not a lack of power; it’s the
restraint/yielding of it. But you exhibit a lack in that power when
you can’t show restraint. Ignoring a man’s authority doesn’t prove
anything other than your disrespect for God and his order of
operation. (I Corinthians 14:40)

LADIES,
WE ARE NOT HERE TO RUN A MAN’S LIFE. WE ARE HERE TO BLESS IT. It
doesn’t even appear that Jezebel gave Ahab a chance to come up with
another game plan. He didn’t succeed in the way or at the time that
she thought was suitable and so…she took over. And worse than
that, she challenged the position that God, NOT JEZEBEL, gave Ahab.

She
didn’t make him king. And ladies, you didn’t come up with God’s
order for your marriage. “You call yourself a husband?” is just
as evil, calculated and emasculating as Jezebel challenging Ahab’s
authority as king. You got an issue with your man, take that up with
God because you see, here’s the thing: When you override his system
of operation, one way or another, you
end up paying for it:

“And
the Lord also says, ‘Dogs will eat the body of Jezebel in the city of Jezreel. Anyone in your
family who dies in the city will be eaten by dogs, and anyone who
dies in the fields will be eaten by birds.’

There
was no one like Ahab who had chosen so often to do what the Lord said was wrong, because his wife Jezebel influenced him to do
evil.”—I Kings 21:23-25 (NCV)

Now
catch this, fellas: Jezebel paid for what she did. But
so did Ahab.
What hit me today LIKE A TON OF BRICKS is that a big part of the
evil that Ahab did was putting his wife before God; he didn’t honor
her or God (or himself for that matter) by keeping her outside of her
designated role (under submission to him). God was angry with him
for letting his wife continuously influence him to do things that were “harmful”, “immoral” and
“injurious” and let me just say, that when
you find yourself submitting to the very thing that is supposed to be
submitting to you, THAT IS EVIL.
(WOW, WOW, WOW!!!)

So
why does this piece have the title that it does? Because, there are
many women with these spirits that are doing exactly what it says:
they are coming for you and they have a plan of action, which is to
attack. DON’T LET THEM. God gave you the spirit of discernment (and
the Holy Spirit-John 14:26) for a reason (as your “love” grows,
so should that-Philippians 1:9). God told you to test the fruit for
a reason (Matthew 12:33); “fruit” is another word for character,
by the way. (Ephesians 5:22-23) God told you to use the spirit man
rather than the physical man to make judgment calls for a reason.
(Galatians 6:7-8) Within you lies all that you need to avoid the
pitfalls of these kinds of women…women who, again, you are not
getting over on as much as you might think. Women who, every time
you lay down with them (physically, mentally, professionally,
emotionally or even spiritually) and get up, you are leaving
something behind that they are using, not for, but against you. How
do I know? Because you either “is” or you “ain’t”. The gal
either serves God or she doesn’t. Lukewarm (Revelation 3:16) does
not apply…especially when it comes to the Enemy’s agenda re: your
libido.

Now,
if you have already been tainted by such women, the good news is that
there is grace for you. Go BOLDLY to the throne to get it. (Hebrews
4:16) For many of you, you’re gonna need it. I was just telling
someone this morning that I never understand why a man would assume
that if he plants the seeds of whoredom, that he will (automatically)
reap a virgin. Reaping and sowing is a spiritual science. Sometimes
there are exceptions, but rarely is it the rule.

You
may realize now that you have been swimming up in the “so not God’s
plan for you” women camps. The good news is that with repentance
comes forgiveness. (Acts 3:19-21) But, that doesn’t automatically
absolve consequences. Some of you will have to pay alimony/child
support due to messing with such spirits. Some of you will have your
reputation (seasonally) suffer due to messing with such spirits.
Some of you will go to the doctor due to messing with such spirits.
Some of you will have to start clean over and rebuild (Proverbs
16:18) for messing with such spirits. But God can always do a new
thing (Isaiah 43:19) if you are open to and surrendering of the fact
that you need his help to overcome these kinds of tricks (and
tricksters) of the Enemy. (Also, it bears saying that the longer you
wait and the more you return, the more and greater the consequences
often become.-Proverbs 26:11)

And,
if you are a man married to a Jezebel woman, please know that there
is hope/restoration for you as well. (Joel 2:23-25) Ask God to
restore your spiritual backbone and to give you pride in who he has
called you to be to replace the ego that you’ve created based on what
man’s wisdom said that you are. (I Corinthians 1:25 and 3:19) God
made you a man. You don’t have to “prove” fact that to anyone.

It
is my prayer for all of you that your righteous state will be
restored. There is so much power in godly unions…in godly
marriages…in godly purpose-driven relationships. You deserve God’s
best and he has so much more in mind for you than the satisfaction of
your flesh. He wants a woman to bless your entire human trinity:
mind/body/spirit. Don’t let another woman come for you. Let God
bring her to you. (And ladies, please let him.)

Amen.
And amen.

©Shellie
R. Warren/2009