Dear Single Man…
Well. It’s 5:45am and the Lord has awakened me with an answer to a prayer that I have been praying for many of single men. I am fully aware that the Word says that a WIFE brings a man favor; not a “woman” or a “girlfriend” (Proverbs 18:22). Yet also, because the Bible speaks so fondly about the power of covenant (Matthew 19-Message), I am cognizant of the fact that the world is trying to present marriage as “a passing curiosity” rather than *a spiritual necessity*; the kind (of spiritual tool) that many of you will need to get to the next level in this life. God told Adam that it was not good for him to be alone (Genesis 2:18)…that he needed some help and yes, God uses messengers today to confirm this same revelation to his sons.
If any of you have read anything that I have written, then you know that a sistah can get a bit…well…lengthy (LOL). Another confirmation that this is El Berith’s (the God of Covenant) doing and not my own is that this will be comprised as a bullet point list and not an article. As I consulted to Comforter (John 14:26) on how a godly man can “weed out” the wives (Ephesians 5) from the harlots (Proverbs 5), I was led (Luke 12:12) to men—Old Testament, “Old School” men—in the Bible and their wives. Feel free to share this as led and know that I am not just praying that you will receive (further) wisdom, but that with this wisdom you will have a greater understanding (Proverbs 4:7); that there are many ways to “find a wife” (look up the definition of “find”), yet it is my prayer is that you will open your heart, mind and spirit to seeing ONE WOMAN, “YOUR WOMAN” (I loved that Adam called his covenant partner that!)…more clearly. In God’s time…but for *some of you*…that time…yes…is *now* (I know, right? I tried to edit that. “Now” is how it’s supposed to be left. Go figure-LOL).
1) ADAM had the Woman *brought to him* and he recognized her as a part of him. Genesis 2:22-23 (NCV) says, “The LORD God used the rib from the man to make a woman, and then he brought the woman to the man. And the man said, ‘Now, this is someone whose bones came from my bones, whose body came from my body. I will call her ‘woman,’ because she was taken out of man.” In God’s *perfect plan for covenant* (something we only see reflected in the Garden of Eden), the Lord decided when it is time for a man to have a helpmate. I believe his perfect will can still be done today. Sometimes, the man is “asleep” (unconscious) to the beginning stages of this process but at the right moment, the Lord will awaken you to someone who oddly does seem to be a lot like you; to be a part of you. Perhaps almost like a sister…but different (LOL). Gifts are things that are given without strenuous effort on the receiver’s end. I know this “bucks the system” of what a lot of you have been taught, but a wife is a gift. Preparing yourself for the responsibility of covenant is one thing. But killing yourself for something that is good and perfect from God (and a wife would be that-James 1:17)? That’s not biblical. Watch the women that come into your space. Are they helping you…or hurting you? In the physical and spiritual sense. Is she killing your spirit or reviving it? Are you physically prospering or being broken down?
2) NOAH had a “ride or die” chick by his side. Genesis 8:15 speaks of the instruction that God gave Noah: to take his wife, sons and their wives and put them on an ark that Noah was to build…to protect them from rains they hadn’t even seen before. A godly wife trusts her husband because if she was at all worth her weight in gold, she chose a godly man. Therefore, it doesn’t matter what things *look* like; she supports what “thus saith the Lord”. If a woman is more concerned with comfort than conviction, pump the breaks and take heed.
3) ISAAC had a woman from “his camp”. A woman with a heart of servitude. Genesis 24 speaks of the care and concern that Abraham had for Isaac; the desire he had for him to be married to an “equally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14) woman. I often joke with my male friends about staying out of the “Philistine camp” (shout out to Samson-Judges 16). A godly woman believes in the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Not only that, but because of that, she has a heart of compassion, service and generosity. Just like Isaac’s wife, Rebekah. A stingy, selfish, opportunistic woman, does not a good wife make.
4) JACOB was overcome with emotion about Rachel. I love how Genesis 29:11 (NCV) says, “So Jacob kissed Rachel and cried.” Something within him, upon seeing her, knew that he was “home”. We know that he was so overcome with his love for her that he was willing to work years to have her as his wife and the Word says that it seemed like days to him (verse 20). Every story is different, but being overwhelmed with emotion about a woman is not a bad thing. I believe that Rachel had Jacob in a vulnerable state. You should be willing to share all of who you are with a godly wife. Time with her, even if it’s hours long, should seem to fly by. That’s a really good sign.
5) MOSES had a wife who covered him. In my opinion, one of the most untold stories of love was the action that Moses’s wife Zipporah took to protect her man: “As Moses was on his way to Egypt, he stopped at a resting place for the night. The Lord met him there and tried to kill him. But Zipporah took a flint knife and circumcised her son. Taking the skin, she touched Moses’ feet with it and said to him, ‘You are a bridegroom of blood to me.’ She said, ‘You are a bridegroom of blood,’ because she had to circumcise her son. So the Lord let Moses alone.” (Exodus 4:24-26-NCV) A godly wife is keen to the needs of her husband. Her love covers (Proverbs 10:12) and protects. She remains prayerful about meeting his needs…AND MEETS THEM. Her husband is not just “some dude”…but her “bridegroom of blood”. After God, he is most important in her life (even over her own children). And, because James 5:16 tells us that the prayers of the righteous has power, a godly man should be able to see the effects of a godly woman’s prayers. He should be empowered by her presence in his life.
6) BOAZ honored Ruth’s character. Even before marriage. I love the entire story of Ruth, but when it comes to wife selection, a woman you respect now, you will honor as a weaker vessel now (I Peter 3:7): “So Ruth stayed near his feet until morning but got up while it was still too dark to recognize anyone. Boaz thought, ‘People in town must not know that the woman came here to the threshing floor.’ So Boaz said to Ruth, ‘Bring me your shawl and hold it open.’ So Ruth held her shawl open, and Boaz poured six portions of barley into it. Boaz then put it on her head and went back to the city.'” (Ruth 3:14-15-NCV) You will defend her reputation. A step further…you will do nothing (in the dark or light) to tarnish it. A woman you love, you provide for…you protect…you take a proactive interest in. For example, there’s no such thing as “making love” before marriage. That’s not love. That’s lust (Hebrews 13:4). A godly man loves his wife.
7) ELKANAH‘s wife released him from “Savior syndrome”. A godly wife will know that her husband cannot do things that only God can do. She will relieve him of the expectation of otherwise. A lot of people are not immediately familiar with Elkanah, but most people know his wife, Hannah. The woman who he deeply loved but could not give her what *only God could*: a son (I Samuel 1). Be leery of the pressure a woman puts on you while courting to fill voids that are not your job, responsibility or calling from your Creator to fill. If she’s not a worshiping woman, she’s not the right woman. If you are who she considers to be her source, you are not her lover, but her idol. You can’t live up to that…and shouldn’t.
8) KING XERSES didn’t have a gold digger. True, this man was considered “unsaved” initially…but this story reminds me of what the Word says about how a woman’s conduct can change her husband’s behavior (I Peter 3:1-4). But the main point I am led to make is that when Esther was offered up to half of his kingdom (Esther 5:3), she was more concerned with protecting her people. SHE REMAINED FOCUSED ON HER PURPOSE. A godly wife knows that a part of her responsibility is to respect you (Ephesians 5:33), but also to serve God. *Nothing will distract her from that.* Not money, not status, not fame, not you…nothing.
9) SOLOMON was inspired by the Shulamite woman. In doing a bit of research about the Song of Solomon, I read that “‘Shulamite’ in Hebrew is the feminine noun for ‘Solomon.'” Your godly wife should not drain you, but revive you; should not bore you but enthuse you; should not leave you stagnate but cause you to grow. There was a lot of passion in the story of the Song of Solomon but I am learning that passion isn’t just sexual. It’s a strong love and desire. It evokes a level of fondness and excitement that’s incomparable. A godly wife will have a passion for life: your lives…both separately and together. Both in the bedroom (after marriage) and out. Both as a bride (only a day) and a wife (until death parts you).
10) HOSEA was not as concerned as what people thought as what God said (Hosea 3:1-4). This may seem to contradict all of the former “head’s up” but not really. Here’s the thing. I was once in a relationship with someone (my late fiance’) and I often compared it to Hosea and Gomer. Love sees people as they are meant to be…not necessarily as they currently are and the way that man loved me plays a big role in the woman that I am today. But here’s the thing as well: a godly man is not going to have a broken woman overpower him. He will be the influencer, not the “influencee”. Man doesn’t see the future like God does so make sure you hear from the Lord…first. But also make sure that if you are called to a broken woman, that you are whole. Otherwise…yeah…”Gomer” is not for you (again, read Proverbs 5).
I know that all of us have heard that there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9) and I think that is kind of the point. As my mother, Gail Masondo, often says, “Discernment prevents experience from being your teacher.” I believe that each of you has something very special to bring to this world…just as the ten men above in their “God appointed time line” did. But now more than ever, covenant (Malachi 2:14) needs to be represented in this world. Families need to be spiritually strong. And, what God has joined together, truly, NO MAN should separate (Mark 10:9). Divorce is not God’s will for your life. Sexual promiscuity is not God’s will for your life. Struggling is not God’s will for your life. Joining to the spirit of a prostitute (I Corinthians 6:16) is not God’s will for your life. Please know that I am praying for, and hopefully with you, that you will be open to God bringing his ABSOLUTE BEST. You are a man of God. You deserve to be HIGHLY FAVORED:
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains *favor* from the Lord.”—Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV)
This is a critical season. Please. Choose wisely. Legacies are attached to your decision.
Love to you,
©Shellie R. Warren/2010