Have you ever seen a train wreck coming (figuratively speaking) and not been able to stop it?
That’s what life is like right now for me as it relates to someone that I know. There is a young woman who, since I’ve known her, has always been consumed with being in a relationship. (Take a number, right?) Well, now she is about to get married and none of the signs are pointing to the fact that it’s a good decision: he’s broke, he has no car or house, he’s a substance abuser and he’s leaning really hard on the side of controlling and secrecy. Yet, for some reason, in her world, it’s all good.
When a mutual friend of ours was talking about it, she said, “I wonder why she’s so desperate to get married. I know she loves God. Why doesn’t she wait?”
(Sidebar: Do you ever have moments when, right as the words are coming out of your mouth, you know it’s the Holy Spirit?)
“Because,” I said, “When you are starving, you’ll eat just about anything.”
I have been thinking about that since I’ve said it. Do you know how many times I have eaten the “love scraps” that some man would throw at me all because I was so hungry, so needy, so desirious of male attention and affection? So what he had other girlfriends? So what he was using me for my body and resources? So what I was unhappy more than I was happy? Anything beats being alone, right?
Ladies, we have to get to a place where a man doesn’t fill us; he simply complements us. I think I’ve shared before that one of the best things any of my past “concubines” (men that had “marriage benefits” without the commitment or responsibility) has said to me is, “Shellie, what a man says to you should not be a REVELATION, but a CONFIRMATION.”
Of all of the things he said to me, that was the one he can be most proud of!
Sadly, I think a lot of times our self-esteem is so low that what men say to us, do to/for us is just that: a revelation. He tells us we’re cute and we “eat it up.” He tells us we’re sexy and we “devour it”. He tells us he wants to take us on a date and we’re so craving for companionship that, in our minds, we’re already planning the wedding and honeymoon.
Now, more than ever, I understand why Christ said, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst.” (John 6:35) Ladies, we have to get to a place where we are not so “religion-minded” all of the time. When God, through Paul, said that an unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord (I Corinthians 7:34), this doesn’t mean that we are expected to be in church all day while the wives are at home with their husbands. It means that we are free to spend time with God in a way that defines, and for many of us, restores us to the place of royalty that he calls us to be.
God never intended for us to live like an emotionally starved individual who will take whatever someone throws at us. He wants us to be like the Parable of the Pearl. (Matthew 13:45-46) He wants our future mates (or current boyfriends) to be like the merchant who saw that one precious pearl and SOLD EVERYTHING THAT HE HAD TO GET IT. We shouldn’t lose anything by being in a romantic relationship. A healthy one should just add to who we are and what we already have.
So, this weekend, I want to encourage you to fill up on what Christ has for you and if you’re tempted to settle, don’t. Remember, you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength (Philippians 4:13), and emotional strength comes from eating at God’s table…
…not off some man’s scraps.