OK, so I’m working on this devo on fear and I came across a synonym for
the word that caused me to stop and ponder….then laugh hysterically.

Now, to be honest with you, I was never the chick who was down with the
term “chicken head” being used to describe women. Yes, I know that must
seem a bit contradictory…and to an extent, that may be the case. I’m
getting too old (and on some levels too wise) to be defending things
all of the time. I guess basically that “chick” doesn’t really bother
me because I know that one definition is that it’s slang for “gal”.
Then again, I never really shuddered at the word, “broad”, either (I
mean, some women *are* promiscuous…if it walks like a duck, well).
So…chalk it up to the quirkiness that makes me an individual.

ANYWAY…as I sat here and thought about why a chick like me has a
problem with the term “chicken head”, I realized that it was because I
have never (ever, EVER) heard it used in a positive light (EVER). And,
maybe it’s just me, but there are certain words that men use to
describe someone of the opposite sex that just never made (common)
sense to me: If I am a female dog that would make you a canine, right?
Unless you are one who is down with bestiality (whole ‘nother blog). If
I am “ho” then that makes you a whoremonger, right? If I’m slutted out,
someone had to contribute in making me that way and so either you are
the one who sexually misused me (making you at the very least a
spiritual sex offender)…or you are going by gossip which makes you
really “suspect” because men and gossip (real men and gossip) don’t
really mix that well.

Therefore, if I’m a chicken head and you are a grown man, what are you
doing hanging out in the chicken coop? Are you a farmer? Are you
someone who breeds a certain kind of meat so that you can turn around
and sell it…uh, like a pimp? Or is that you call women that because
when you cut us down (our pride, our feelings, our dreams and
delusions—sorry gals), we tend to run around frantically like a
chicken whose head has been cut off? If there is a guy who can provide
an EDUCATED EXPLANATION, I would love to hear it.

In the meantime, this message is actually for the ladies. I just wanted
to take a moment (or two) to share with you something that I just
discovered about fear…and chicken…heads. Did you know that one synonym
for “fear” is “chickenheartedness”? And, did you know that the
definition of that word is to be cowardly and to lack courage?

OK, I’m a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17) and so I have no
problem putting the old me out there. That said, now knowing this, as a
former chicken head, I get at least one way that a lot of women are
chicken heads, even now. We move, in relationships, in fear. The Bible
says that there is no fear in love (I John 4:18) and that God did not
give us a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7). Yet, look at what a lot of us
are doing:

We’re anxious and so we nag.

We doubt and so we’re pessimistic.

We’re scared and so we compromise (not in the good way).

We’re phobic and so we (relationally) sabotage.

We’re suspicious and so we stalk (you know some of you stalk).

We worry and so we war…with our significant others and with ourselves.

And where is it getting us? Where is it really? I know in my chicken
head days, fear didn’t get me very far, unless you’re talking about far
away from the object of my affection/obsession. A man can’t trust a
woman who doesn’t trust herself. In that I mean, if you know who and
whose you are…if you have unwavering standards…if you understand that
relationships are meant to be MUTUALLY PURPOSEFUL…if you are
emotionally stable (please be stable!)…if you want what you want and
you are willing to wait until you get it, when you meet a new
brotha—fine or not, rich or not, tall or not, almost everything you
want or not, what do you have to be afraid of?

The way that I am now? I see every person as a child of God which makes
every man an opportunity. Not to be my husband (“Big Love” ain’t my
thang), but to be someone that I can exchange something beneficial
with, whether it’s a polite “excuse me” in the elevator, a business
contact, a potential friendship…or just an admiring glance and reminder
that when God said that he made mankind and it was “good”, he ain’t
neva lied! My point? I love me some me and so I no longer have any fear
in giving others the opportunity to meet something as wonderful as the
godly creation of Shellie Renee’ Warren (that ain’t cocky…I didn’t make
me…I just maintain me).

NOW when I see/meet a guy, I am not dismayed about what he wants or
doesn’t want. WHO CARES? I know what I want (and don’t want) and so if
he fits the bill, lucky him…he’s hit the jack pot over here. If he
doesn’t, no love lost. I didn’t let him get close enough to my
treasures to feel like he’s got something of mine that I can’t get
back. (Proverbs 4:23) And so, no matter what the outcome, what is there
to be afraid of? It will work out for its best because I reverence
myself as the best. It’s all good.

Ladies, it’s when we settle…it’s when we disobediently and aimlessly
sacrifice…it’s when we give something special to someone who is not
worthy that we deserve, not the crown of virtue but the title of
chicken head because it’s then that we act out of a lack of
courage…it’s then that we are cowards. And, according to
Dictionary.com, that is when a woman is not loving with all of her
heart, but when she is chickenheartedness…personified. That is when she is the feminine representation of fear. And really…WHO WANTS THAT?!?

Yes…yes…yes…yes…YES. I am free, indeed! Now, if a brotha still wants to
expound, please do. I learned a long time ago to stop telling men what
they think. I am a woman…I don’t have a clue. But, I will say that
thanks to my self-study on fear, the term “chicken head” has been
revisited and I must admit that it’s a part of my past that I once knew
but am no longer familiar with…thank God (literally)!The only fear I am down with now is fearing God and celebrating that I
am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) And when a sistah
gets that…be afraid, fellas. Be very afraid.

No chicken coop here. Just a character coup.

And it’s priceless.

©Shellie R. Warren/2009