C: “I’ve never been one to really have an opinion about porn, one way or another. But, I figured that since my husband likes it that I would give it a try to see if it would enhance our relationship. It just doesn’t appeal to me and a part of me wonders if it’s a ‘woman thing’ that I don’t like it. Especially since so many men seem to enjoy engaging in it. My husband and I both feel like our sex life is dwindling and I’m wondering if my not liking porn has something to do with it. What do you think? Is there something odd if I love having sex but don’t like watching porn?”

A: Has anyone ever accused you of being a prude because you don’t like porn? Some lies that porn tells us are just stupid, but when it says that women who don’t like porn, don’t like sex, it’s stupid and unbiblical. In fact, one of the first things the Bible establishes is that women want sex: “Your desire will be for your husband.” Gen 3:16. In theory, a wife wants her husband, but more often today, women just want a man, regardless of how they feel about porn. Even Snow White, pure as she was, wanted her man – and yes, in that way! Let’s face it, the propagation of the human species depends upon this self-evident truth that women like sex.

I believe every human being alive likes sex. Some effectively resign themselves from sex for one reason or another, but the desire it built into every body. So if we’re into sex, why aren’t we into porn? Maybe we don’t like watching other people have sex, for starters. We aren’t visually driven like men are. Then there are any number of other reasons women don’t like porn. Maybe they consider it immoral—certainly this would apply to anyone who believes the only moral context for sex is within a monogamous marriage. Maybe they consider it degrading to women—any industry that makes its profit off of the sexuality of women is not advancing the cause of women. Maybe they consider it an essential link in the chain of human trafficking and prostitution. Maybe their own marriage suffers because their husband would rather jack off in front of a screen than make the effort to woo his wife to climax. Maybe they don’t like how plain nasty and grotesque it can be—always featuring the freakish endowed. Maybe they have no use for porn because their own sexual desires are so strong that they don’t need a digital aphrodisiac. Maybe they just don’t have time to waste on bad acting, poor scripts and cheap productions.

You see, there are plenty of reasons to dislike, even hate, porn that have nothing to do with whether a woman likes sex. All of these are also reasons why some men dislike porn. In fact, there are so many reasons not to like porn, the more logical question is why does anyone like it? A porn flick will never win “Best Picture”, a porn flick will never spur (positive) social change, or chronicle important history. Porn has one thing going for it: sexual arousal. 

Saying that women who don’t like porn don’t like sex is a childish and desperate ploy to make a woman doubt her normalcy if she doesn’t capitulate and watch some porn (or consent to her husband watching). What exactly is the accuser expecting as a response? “Oh yes I do! I’ll prove it; let’s shag right here and now!”

Granted, this accusation is problematic to refute, but a mature and self-assured woman doesn’t have to prove what she knows to be true.