A couple of nights ago, I was talking to a male friend of mine. (Again single ladies, get some platonic male friends because they are lifesavers—and givers!) Anyway, we were talking about a recent event that we both attended where, for the first time since I can remember, I basically stayed up on the wall and watched the room move before me. Itâ€™s amazing how loud sounds, words, people, even energy are when you are silent.
Anyway (again), as we were both recapping the evening, he shared with me how one young lady he knew gave out her number to several random guys over the evening and was even in the midst of following up before she left. He was a little disgusted by it, but I was actually a little sad. Iâ€™ll tell you why.
As a single-and-almost-whole-woman (thank the Lord from whom all blessings flow!), I remember being the â€œgive my number outâ€, â€œask for yoursâ€, â€œbat my eyes until they almost fell out of my headâ€ chick. Now, I naturally have an aggressive personality and so already that can make â€œbeing stillâ€ a real challenge for me whether itâ€™s personally or professionally. But, as I am detoxing all of the past men out of my psyche and spirit (headâ€™s up, virgins, a man can violate more than just your body), I am coming to see that there was another reason why â€œsitting on the wall and watching the roomâ€ was such a challenge for me. In times past, deep down, I believed that if I didnâ€™t make my presence known then no one would notice me and if no one noticed me then I wouldnâ€™t receive the validation that I so desperately needed; the validation that I was â€œbeautifulâ€, â€œspecialâ€, â€œworthyâ€, â€œvaluableâ€. (Bookmark that!)
Do you know what cured me of that? First, knowing that I donâ€™t need anyoneâ€™s validation, just Godâ€™s approval which immediately leads to the resolve of not loaning/sharing/giving out parts of myself—whether it be emotionally, relationally or physically—to those who donâ€™t earn it; those who donâ€™t take or make the time to â€œCrack the Codeâ€.
Yep. Thatâ€™s my motto for this year. In the Song of Solomon, there are several refrains in which the object of Solomonâ€™s desire says, â€œâ€¦.promise meâ€¦not to awaken or excite my feelings of love until it is ready.â€ (Song of Solomon 2:7, 3:5, 8:3). Maybe it was her wisdom that inspired Solomon to write the Proverb, â€œAbove all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.â€ (4:23) Ladies, if you really believe that your lovinâ€™ is good lovinâ€™ whether itâ€™s your time, your energy, your emotions or your body then you too will not be interested in giving people â€œsneak previewsâ€ or â€œloanersâ€ unless they put in the work required to gain access to those priceless gems. I mean, really, why get all worked up, why get all hot â€˜n bothered, why let some man have â€œthe right of entryâ€, if heâ€™s not ready? (And if he wants you to compromise your values for his needsâ€¦no, wants, then heâ€™s not ready!) In other words, why give someone the privilege of you if they donâ€™t want the responsibility that comes with it?
Girl, please. I am so off of that page these days and tryinâ€™ to get into another book! (Iâ€™ve been told â€œRedeeming Loveâ€ is good. I think Iâ€™m gonna check that out!)
My final anyway: Last Christmas, I bought a friend of mine a safe. I got it for him so that he could keep his valuables in it. Even though I purchased it do you know that even I do not have the combination? Why? Because YOU ONLY GIVE THE COMBINATION TO PEOPLE WHO NEED ACCESS TO THE VALUABLES INSIDE. Just today, I was reading an article on how combination locks work. There was a quote that really resonated with me:
â€œGetting inside a lock is not always easy. If it were easy, it would defeat the purpose of using the lock in the first place!â€
Bottom line, the easier it is for people get to the inner depths of your mind, body and spirit, the louder you convey that what you have is â€œeasy accessâ€; that itâ€™s not of much substance, importance, significance, value.
As I left that particular venue the other night, I smiled to myself. Not because I have converted into a wall flower (I was born a social butterfly and I will die a social butterfly), but because I didnâ€™t need anyone to see me to know that there was an inner glow that shines radiantly, and all who need to see it will —in their own time, when and/if itâ€™s meant for them to. Does the moon stop shining when you arenâ€™t looking at it? Precisely.
Until then, I have no problem keeping my most precious â€œgoodiesâ€ under wraps and guarded in the safe called â€œdiscernmentâ€. I was bought with a price (I Corinthians 6:20 and 7:23) and there are a special â€œcombinationâ€ of principles, ideals, priorities and purposes that it will take to gain access to them.
Besides, I donâ€™t need to â€œlet you inâ€. I already know whatâ€™s inside and that itâ€™s well worth the effort. Walk past the safe, try and pick the lock, do what you will. Itâ€™s iron clad now. If you really wanna know, â€œCrack the Codeâ€.
Oh, by the way, God and I are the only ones who have the combination and I ainâ€™t sharinâ€™, so I guess you know what that means, right? Right.
Â©Shellie R. Warren/2008