Did I Want to See Your Penis? Uh. No.

OK.

As if the title wasn’t catchy enough, right? I mean, I don’t know if it’s my age or my abstinence but I found myself channeling my mother (who lives in South Africa) after reading an email and seeing at the bottom of it that a, um, particular singer’s penis was in the text of the email. I mean…like right there…in open view. No “You must be 18 years or older to enter this page” or anything.

So y’all know of me, in this forum, well enough by now to know that I really gave that some thought. Yeah, for some reason, it was news (or a really fast-traveling rumor) that this dude was sending various women the very same picture that I saw on MySpace awhile back. Guess to the “mere mortals”, it’s just now getting to us. Yet, rumor or not, I know what I saw. It was indeed a penis. Somebody’s penis. It broke my heart. And kinda repulsed me. For a few reasons.

1) I remember when I saw the movie “The Reader” a couple of years ago. All in all, it was a good film. Yet, again, there was some random dude’s penis featured off and on for about the first 30-45 minutes of the film. And again, with no real head’s up. I mean, I thought male frontal nudity got a, at the very least, “NR” rating. No? Guess not. So I can’t get visually protected beforehand? Guess not again. Which brings me to #2.

2) My mother said not too long ago that you couldn’t pay her to raise a child in these days and times. Shoot, when I was watching porn, even when I did on the Internet, I still had to do a bit of digging. And that wasn’t very long ago.Not anymore. Just open up an email from an entertainment news site and voila! You’re violated. Which brings me to #3.

3) I recall awhile back having a conversation with some friends about how ideal (their way of implying paranoid and unrealistic-LOL) they thought I was to desire that my future daughter, should the Lord choose to bless me with one (Psalm 127:3), have the first penis she see (that wasn’t like her little brother’s when she’s changing a diaper or a diagram in Anatomy class) be her husband’s. These people are Christians. Happily married. With their own daughter. And yet, they thought that was crazy. Hmph.

I dunno. Maybe a part of it is because I am a survivor of sexual molestation. Yet, something that everyone should keep in mind is that 1 in 4 girls will be molested by 18 and 1 in 8 boys will be as well. Now, that’s of reported cases and so a lot of us who work with broken children are choosing to believe that you can probably cut both of these stats in half. (Anyone checked out “Searching for Angela Shelton”? It’s a fabulous documentary re: this topic!) And yes, that may be why I’m extra-sensitive about such things. I don’t know. Is it too ridiculous to believe that when you desensitize someone at a young age, it’s hard to “reprogram them” once they get older? When you get used to seeing nakedness…what’s to make you stop being used to it? Boundaries are taught. We’re not born with them.

But anyway, my main reason for bringing this up is that often when porn is discussed, it’s talking about the women and how they are affected/infected by the industry. What I just wanted to take a moment to interject is that when the Lord said that Adam and the Woman were to be naked and not ashamed (Genesis 2:24-25), that applied to BOTH genders. There is something very special and sacred about our bodies. The place where the Holy Spirit dwells (I Corinthians 6:19) should be honored as such. Nakedness, in purpose, is a beautiful thing. Nudity splashed across the Internet? I’m sorry…what is the purpose in that? What’s one good reason for doing so?

I know when I was at the pique of my promiscuity, those healthier than I was at the time didn’t find my extra tight clothes to be sexy. They found it to be sad. Because they knew that I didn’t think enough of myself to want to cover “it” up. Not because my body is shameful (are you kidding?!?-LOL). But because I’m so special. So are you. So is dude (and I’m not saying his name on purpose, by the way). It’s sad that he, whomever the actual dude really is, doesn’t seem to know that…yet. His future wife, because she’s created to receive him in that way will probably find him to be resplendent. I’ll bet you my next book deal (whenever that is-LOL) that he’s not gonna be my husband, though. Perhaps that’s why when I saw him, I was repulsed. I’m not created to embrace his nudity. HE’S NOT MINE.

I wonder what the world of sex and sexuality would be like if we saw things from this perspective. If we asked the Lord to make our eyes receive our partner alone and reject anyone who’s not. Not out of disrespect but just the opposite. Hmph. I’m gonna give that some more thought.

In the meantime, I need to get off of here so that I can write that website that didn’t care enough about me to at least give me a warning that if I chose to open their link, I would have yet one more image of a man who ain’t mine to get out of my psyche.

That dude deserves better. So do I.

*Geeze*. Sigh.

And the wheels on the bus, right? I’m sayin’.