Last night…
I read an article with this title: “Father Recommends Porn to His Son“. Here’s an excerpt:
A father found porn on his 13-year-old son’s computer. After seeing the sites, he gave the boy this advice: Seek better porn sites. This rings of cheap humor, but the story is true. It was featured on the front page of Reddit, a social networking site where members post stories and vote on their favorites. The bonding-over-porn story was voted a top favorite last week…
The father chose a passive-aggressive approach and wrote his child a note. Some excerpts: “I want to tell you that it’s (watching porn) OK. Listen, I was 13 once … I’m not mad or anything. It’s life and I did it too. I just want you to know that most of those sites are places that can and will ruin your computer. You were actually lucky that it only did what it did. There are viruses and other scamware that can completely ruin a computer and I can’t afford to buy you another 1,800 dollar machine because you went to a site that fried it. There are sites that are completely safe and you can go on them and not have your computer turned into a piece of junk …”
The father then listed several porn links that the boy could visit, virus-free.
“I won’t tell your mom and I’m not gonna make a big deal out of this,” the father continued. “In fact I’m not gonna make any size deal out of it. If you don’t wanna talk about it, that’s fine and I completely understand.
“Please don’t act awkward around me because of this. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I just can’t have an 1,800 dollar machine turned into a brick because you haven’t learned where to go on the Internet. I’m not going to put a child lock on your computer or punish you in any way because, as I said, you did nothing wrong.”
IrreleventNinja Dad updated his post, stating that he spoke with his son in person, and advised him that “porn (is) not like real life and that women aren’t objects like they are portrayed in porn.”
Such sound, incoherent advice. Son, porn objectifies and degrades women and is not real life, but lookee here anyway.
What happens when the boy inevitably acts on the Internet inspirations so warmly recommended by his old man? If the son contracts another virus, the kind treated with antibiotics, what’s the father’s advice?
Indeed.
So, when it comes to what the father did, does it sound utterly ridiculous? That’s understandable. Let me provide a bit of a different perspective, though.
Whenever I mentor teen moms, I will oftentimes ask, “So are you still having sex?” (After having the baby) If they say yes, I’ll say, “Oh, so you want to get pregnant again.” When they tell me (emphatically) “No!” I will respond with, “Yes, you do because if you *really* didn’t want to have another child, you wouldn’t put yourself at risk for having one.” Then they go into the whole “I’m on birth control” speech and I “counter attack” with, “Do you want to be a crackhead?” Again, they say “No!” And I’ll respond with “Then what do you do to make that doesn’t happen? Take every drastic measure, right?”
Where I’m going with that, in reference to this story is this:
Without a doubt, this father is the victim of “conflicted resolve” in the sense that, on one hand, he’s saying that porn is “OK” and then on the other, he’s saying “Don’t degrade women.” Without question, especially in a *child’s mind*, this is the “perfect” kind of set-up for his son to be like, “Of course, I love my wife. You can do that and watch porn, go to the strip club and sleep with other women for sexual pleasure too.”
Yet, when those of us have porn in our homes where children are around, does that not, in its own way, send a mixed message? If it’s “not appropriate” for a child, *what about porn is appropriate for adults*? WHEN IS IT AGE-APPROPRIATE TO ABUSE SEX IS SUCH A WAY?
Then I thought about this on a broader scope when it comes to the so-called “sexual education/preparation” that’s even provided within the Church. Are we *also* sending mixed messages? When we’re growing up as singles, “Sex is bad. Sex is wrong. Sex is sinful.” Then we get married and it’s like “Ding! Sex is good. Sex is right. So, what’s wrong with your sexual relationship?”
I’m still processing all of this, but I will admit that when I thought of the father talking to his son about porn, what came to my mind was, “Shoot, there’s all kinds of people who are conflicted about sex because of the mixed messages that they were/are given. And now they’re married and ‘sexually dysfunctional’ and it’s not just because of porn.” Lack of knowledge can destroy on all kinds of levels (Hosea 4:6).
So, I wanted to pitch these questions out there:
“Do you think that you received mixed messages about sex?”
“If you are a parent, do you thnk that you send out mixed messages about sex?”
“Does the Church present mixed messages about sex?”
Sound off…