The hardest thing that any man can ever do is admit that he’s hurting…
They say that hurt people, HURT people. While I was never addicted to porn, when I was younger, I was addicted to attention. I craved attention from women. It wasn’t that I didn’t have a good childhood. My mother was a teacher who was very driven into making my brother and I the best that we could be. Sometimes that meant lacking the tenderness and sensitivity. My father was a “man’s man” who was more about getting results than giving love. When you don’t know what love is, you usually look for it in other places. Most of those places are the wrong ones.
Being in the entertainment industry, I enjoyed getting the adoration from my peers and fans. When the radio ratings were good, I would party hard. Normally it would start at the club and then end up in my bedroom with some lovely fan.
To the casual observer, I was enjoying the spoils of a fun and easygoing life. Truthfully, I didn’t care about anyone, least of all myself. It’s not that I was heartless, I just didn’t know how. I was hiding in plain sight. I never came to terms with the fact that I lost my grandfather, my stepfather, two uncles, and my father, all within a few years of each other.
For me, the idea of admitting that I was in any pain would have been like admitting defeat. My manhood would have never allowed it in my life and I’ve had lots of highs and lows. Unfortunately, my pain manifested itself in my behavior. Even when I got into relationships, they never lasted because I didn’t know what love was. The funniest thing is that no matter how many women I spent time with, I still felt empty inside.
If it wasn’t for the love of Jesus Christ, I would still be running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I was very young and immature, and I had no idea what to do with the blessings that God gave me. I could have been using my voice and my platform to win souls for Christ. Instead, I spent my time trying to impress people who never even cared about me when the microphone went off or when I was crying my eyes out alone in my luxury apartment.
I am not the kind of person to beat my chest, but I am here to tell you that when you are willing to turn your pain, your worry, your frustrations and your concerns to Jesus, he will heal you! If you get into his Word and put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18), you will be amazed at the changes he can make for your life.