Do I believe casual sex exists? I definitely do. I believe that sex outside of marriage is perfectly embodied by everything that the word “casual” means. If you’ve ever looked “casual” up, it’s pretty interesting. Here is the Webster’s Dictionary’s definition of the word:
1) subject to, resulting from, or occurring by chance <a casual meeting>
2) a : occurring without regularity : b : employed for irregular periods c : met with on occasion and known only superficially <a casual friend>
3) a feeling or showing little concern : nonchalant (2) : lacking a high degree of interest or devotion (3) : done without serious intent or commitment b designed for informal use
Crazy, right? My experience with casual sex was everything that this definition says: little concern or feeling, lacked a high degree of interest or devotion, and done without serious intent or commitment. This is NOT what was intended for sex. For me, it took marriage for me to see all of this clearly.
I wish that when I was single I had truly appreciated how DEEP sex really is. You are SHARING your body, personal space, time, emotions, etc. with someone else. You are the absolute closest you can physically be with another human being. Our bodies are designed to release chemicals that cause us to “attach” to someone when we have sex. There is the possibility to create life or pass on disease. That’s nothing to be treated lightly or casually.
I wish that I had known that casual sex wasn’t as freeing as I thought. Being free has absolutely nothing to do with how many partners you have or how high your “freak flag” flies. Freedom is honest, vulnerable, fearless, committed, respectful, and has integrity; none of these words are synonymous with casual.
I know that this seems very convenient coming from someone who is married and presumably having sex, but I say this with all the empathy in the world: It is not easy to be single and have needs. You can’t watch a TV show or listen to the radio without being told over and over how much sex you should be having. Dating can be so discouraging and 50% divorce rates leave you feeling like there is no such thing as happily ever after. As someone who felt all those things and gave into “the world” on occasion, now that I’m on the other side, I would trade all my experiences to have only known the freedom that I now share with my beloved.