Sidenote: This is actually a post that I did over the weekend for the “On Fire” blog that I do for single women who desire marital covenant. However, I think the “copy and paste” is needed. This time.
“But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren.”—James 1:14-16 (NKJV)
Well, the bad news is that I’m willing to bet that this is gonna make a couple of y’all *really uncomfortable*. The good news is that whom the Lord loves, he chastens (Hebrews 12:6). The truth sets us free (John 8:32). GET FREE so that you can LIVE. FREE.
For the past few days now, I’ve been hearing a phrase in my head. In all honesty, it’s actually been making *me* a bit uncomfortable because as much as people like to swoon over dysfunctional love stories like “Romeo and Juliet”, I find nothing comforting or romantic *or healthy* about two people feeling like they can’t live, literally, without one another. In martial covenant, spouses are to remain committed until death parts them; not until they kill themselves.
And so when I heard “suicide pact” in my psyche, it threw me for a minute. Was the Comforter (John 14:16-AMP) giving me the heads up that someone in my space was in trouble? Well. Yeah. Kinda. However, let me preface this with one other thing first. And for the conservatives on here, I’m quoting it *just as it was said*…for a reason. And a purpose.
Now that I don’t sexualize my relationships with men anymore (finally…FI-NAL-LY!), I have really grown to appreciate them in such a real and lasting way. There is *so much wisdom and guidance* they have to offer when they are put into their proper (relational) place and (spiritual) position. Anyway, I was talking to one of my male friends recently about men and how they process sex. Now granted, this was more of a “worldly view”; however, I will say this: life gets *a lot easier* when we as women quit trying to make men be something they’re not, especially emotionally, AND ONE THING THEY ARE NOT IS WOMEN. In Adonai’s system of operation, *none of us are to be promiscuous* and when the Word says that “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact” (I Corinthians 6:16-Message), this applies to both the XX (us) and the XY (them). But because there are more people who are not living in *total sexual purity* (I Timothy 5:22) than are, I think a lot of women need to hear what my friend said. The conversation went like this:
Me: “So, how can you (general you) claim to love one woman and have sex with someone else?”
Him: “We don’t see sex in the same way that you do. We don’t need to care about you to sleep with you.”
Me: “I mean, you’re willing to put your body into someone else and it doesn’t matter?”
Him: “If I asked you if I could jack off into your shower, would that seem like an emotional experience to you? Jackin’ off in the shower. Jackin’ off in some chick. What’s the difference? One’s just more attractive than the other. It’s about getting the release. It’s not about bonding or loving cause if we loved those girls, we would leave the women we’re with to be with them.”
(You *did catch* that he called the side chicks “girls” and the main gal a “woman”, right? Let’s proceed.)
Me: “But I mean, we’re close, you find me attractive and we haven’t had sex.”
Him (with a pause of “Huh?!?”): “EXACTLY.”
Me: “So what are you saying? That a lot of men are vowing to not emotionally cheat as opposed to physically?”
Him: “Possibly. We definitely don’t love a lot of women in our lifetime. It seems that you all do [love a lot of men], though. So…we’re sexually promiscuous and you’re emotionally promiscuous? Neither is any better. What really are y’all mad about?”
Yeah. Well. I’ll say this. If that exchange offends you, it shouldn’t. *Especially if you’re abstinent.* What it did for me was gain a greater understanding of what a “jump off” really is (it seems like it’s pretty close to a scratching post that cats use) and process how conflicting fornication and adultery really are. Oh, and to remember that “saving myself” is a human trinity experience. My future Beloved is to have my mind, heart and body. *All of me* should be guarded (Proverbs 4:23) as I wait. That said, women all over the globe aren’t ready to get married (*which is what sex is for*-Genesis 2:24-25) and so they “cheat on God” by not keeping his commands and yet they wanna get mad when a guy they’re *sinning with* is sinning with someone else…too? There’s no “kinda loyal”. That’s like “playing house” and PLAYING HOUSE ISN’T REAL (Ecclesiastes 7:18-Message). Either you’re married and in covenant. OR YOU’RE NOT.
Hmph. If anything, listening to what he said made me mad that I allowed myself to be someone’s, um, “bathtub” for so many years. Someone’s outlet. Someone’s jack off. Especially when my Creator sees me as *so much more* than that. When will we *all* get to a place where we stop trying to edit God’s way of doing things? The lead verses for today *clearly state* where lust will get you and if you’re engaging in *any kind of sex* outside of marital covenant, lust is what’s leading you. NOT. LOVE. It used to be corny to me back when I was super impatient, but true love does indeed…*wait* (I Corinthians 13:4). If you try and tell yourself otherwise, you’re caught up. In self-deceit. We all need to focus more on what we owe Adonai than what we think some man owes us. Self-respect begets relational respect. There’s no real way around that.
As I started pondering (Proverbs 4:26) more and more on this, I got where the Holy Spirit (Luke 12:12) was leading. Have you ever known someone to engage in a suicide pact? If not personally, then perhaps on the news? When you actually think of two people deciding to kill themselves *together*, it sounds utterly demonic and traumatizing, doesn’t it? And yet, when you look at the Scripture for this message; when you think about how Hebrews 13:4 says that fornicators and adulterers God will (not might…WILL) judge; when you think about how Romans 10:23 says that the wages of sin *is* death…how is “making love” as a single (which when you’re single would make it a deceitful term) NOT like entering into a suicide pact? Cause if memory serves me correctly, Romeo and Juliet felt that their “love for one another” was the motivating factor in their decision to end their lives. Either they were going to have the relationship in the way (and time…that’s key!) that *they wanted to have it*…or not at all. When two people fornicate (or commit adultery) is it not essentially saying the same thing? “I will just die if I don’t get to have you in the way (and time) that I want you so let’s throw caution to the wind.” Literally.
Desire gives birth to sin. Sin leads to death. This is not some quote from Shakespeare. This is a warning from the Bible. It’s not poetic fiction. It’s a spiritual fact. Take it from me, just like Adam and Eve (Genesis 3) who did not physically die *immediately* after eating the fruit, when you partake in something that is poisonous, one way or another, you will die. If nothing else, again, like Adam and Eve, there will be a separation, not just from your Heavenly Father but from who you are created to be:
“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was.”—James 1:22-24 (NKJV)
In some ways, I’m just beginning to see who Shellie Renee’ Warren *really is* because I’m taking what God says about sexual sin seriously. I can’t believe how long I’ve been a “dead woman walking”…not really knowing who I was…not seeing the authentic creation of my Creator. I can’t believe how long I let sin cheat me out of an abundant life (John 10:10).
Which brings me to one other point. The other catchphrase.
Another one that “popped up” in my head a couple of weeks ago? HAND CRACK. Can you guess what I’m referring to? It would be masturbation. You know, in the realm of sexual indiscretions, “the other white meat” (LOL). Seriously. It was a real struggle for me to get “over myself”, literally, but 16 months free of that act has caused me to repent for trying to rationalize lust…just in another way. I Corinthians 6:18-20 (NKJV) says:
“Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
One definition of “immorality” is “sexual misconduct”, which is “improper conduct”…”wrong behavior”…to “mismanage” or “misbehave” oneself. Being that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, why would we attempt to *molest him* in such a way? Besides, whenever people ask me why I don’t do it (er, anymore), my reply is usually, “My orgasms are not my responsibility. They are my husband’s.” I Corinthians 7:4 (NKJV) says, “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” One definition of “authority” is to be an expert. Another lie from the pits of hell? That you have to know how to please you so that you can teach your husband? Whatever. Proverbs 3:5-6 says that if you acknowledge God is *all of your ways*, he will direct you. What I have finally and resolutely chosen to acknowledge about my Lord is that *no one* knows me or my future Beloved like he does. He will direct us. To the right place. Time. And…other stuff. I’m not going to *abuse* sex now thinking that I will be able to *use* it later by doing so. That’s more self-deceit.
AND A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE DECEIVING THEMSELVES IN THIS WAY.
According to a KinseyInstitute.org, 99% of men and 40% of women have reported ever masturbating. In a study of African-American women (15-64), 62% reported having masturbated at some point in their lives. 60% of men and 40% of women have reported masturbating in the past year. 85% of men and 45% of women who are currently living with a sexual partner reported masturbating within the past year. And only 5% of men and 11% of women have reported never masturbating.
Exactly. Masturbation. The act most people don’t talk about…but do. Whenever I public speak, I usually ask, “So when a married couple comes back from their honeymoon, what do we assume happened?” SEX. And yet, they still come out in public. Why? *Cause that is what they were supposed to do.* To be naked and not ashamed. Yet it’s amazing (and conflicting-I Corinthians 14:33) to me that so many people want to claim that masturbation is not “sexually immoral behavior” and yet they don’t want to admit that they do it. *Why is that?* Things that are godly have LIGHT around them. They are not to be kept in the dark.
Which is why I call masturbation “hand crack”. The drug of all drugs. “Sure I can stop” is what a lot of people say (or think). The follow-up? “I just don’t want to.” JUNKIES SAY THAT ALL OF THE TIME. In waiting for our covenant partners, that means we are to wait mind, *body* and spirit. Again, how dare we try and rush God when we can’t even be patient with our own libidos? I mean, what is it? “Hurry up God so that I can get my fix?” My next hit? My jack off? Indeed, how can women be mad at what my friend said when many of us treat our bodies the *exact same way* that he says a lot of men do. Just using it for a release. No real care. No real concern. No self-love because that would mean that we would honor ourselves as the place where Ruach Hakodesh dwells. A Divine Spirit deserves a divine space: a place befitting of a deity.
Chasing the dragon. On the streets, that’s a drug (heroin) term. Biblically? There’s also a dragon we should stay clear of:
“So the great dragon was cast out, that serpent of old, called the Devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world; he was cast to the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.”—Revelation 12:9 (NKJV)
What profits it a man to gain the whole world and lose their soul, right? Yeah, in the Matthew 16:26 (NKJV) version of this question, it’s immediately followed-up with: “Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” Sexual sin in exchange for your soul? In exchange for the principle part of our feelings, thoughts and actions? I’ve been there. It’s not worth it. The best sex I’ve had (which was counterfeit because I was single) was not worth it. It’s the cheapest and most degrading kind of trade-off.
And when you think of the fact that the Word says that married couples are not to deprive one another from sex (I Corinthians 7:5) and yet we as singles are to wait until marriage, don’t you think there’s something to that? You’re supposed to be 16 before you can drive for a reason. It’s illegal to drink before 21 for the same reason as well. A MATURITY MUST BE IN PLACE BEFORE PARTAKING IN SUCH THINGS. Ignore that fact and…well…
You might as well call your (sex) habits “Hand Crack and Suicide Pacts”.
Isn’t your life worth more than that?
Don’t be deceived.
Yes. It is.