So, here are some stats on women and porn addiction:
About half (49%) of young adult women agree that viewing pornography is an acceptable way of expressing one’s sexuality.
62% of women have seen pornography by the age of 18.
About 1 in 5 women (18%) use the Internet for sexual purposes habitually—every week.
The reason why I’m sharing these is because it actually amazes me that a large amount of people still continue to believe that porn is a “man’s problem” when in all actuality, it is a humanity issue.
In fact, out of a lot of the married couples that I work with, it’s the women who have uncontrollable urges, it’s the women who are watching porn, it’s the women who are doing a lot of masturbating. And so yes, statistics and personal testimonies are revealing to me, more and more, that women and sex/porn addiction has to be addressed. Far more often than it is. Especially within the Church.
I thought about this, especially, when I read an article that was featured on Salon’s website earlier this year. It’s entitled “Tales of a Female Addict” and what really caught my attention was the subtitle: “My compulsion began when I was 12 and took me to dark places. I wasn’t just hooked on porn — I was hooked on shame.” Here are some excerpts:
“I was proud when I talked to boyfriends about my kink. See how edgy I am! How open-minded! Whether I was in a relationship or not, my bond with porn never waned. Tuning in and rubbing one out always sounded like a good idea. It didn’t matter how late it was. It didn’t matter if I’d already had two or three orgasms that day. I could be in a great mood, a foul mood, angry, sad, bored — whatever was going on, I knew I could top it. Heaven was literally at my fingertips, just a click away, and mine for free whenever and however I wanted it.
This went on for years. A decade. Almost two.
Then one day, I found myself clicking through gang bangs, but bored by the number of men I saw. Six in this one, eight in that one, 10 in the other. Usually gang bangs were a sure bet to getting off, but not this time. I kept searching, clicking through endless galleries of flesh, waiting to be impressed. Finally I found it. One that gave me that body-tingling, heart-racing, sweat-inducing rush of excitement. It was an older clip, late ’90s, but it was perfect. More than 500 men…
I got off once, then twice, then three times, and saved it for later use.
But after I’d put my computer away, I felt something different than the usual post-orgasm glow. I felt sick. Guilty. Too aware. It became clear to me, as if a light switch had been turned on, what had happened over the course of my porn addiction. What I had been too distracted to see.
The videos I had been watching recently shared common themes. Most were big on degradation. Many had violence. I needed more people in them each time. More close-ups. If the girl looked sad, even better. If the men berated her, I adored it. Girls with collars and leashes? Yes, please. Girls in cages? Sure. Drunk, semi-conscious girls? Of course.“
What’s wrong with porn? There’s too many things to count. But what I personally appreciate about this woman’s story is that it proves two things: lust can never be satisfied (Tweet This!) and the deeper that you get into porn, the further away from God’s intention for sex it takes you. To the point where sex is almost unrecognizable.
Gang bangs? Just think about how that sounds. When God created sex, love, intimacy, nourishing and cherishing—oneness is what he had in mind. What about a gang bang (especially with 500 different men?!?) conveys that. And when the act of sex was over, do you think that guilt and shame were the emotions that God wanted us to be consumed with? Sex is meant to be safe. Spiritually, emotionally and physically safe. At all times. Period. The author of the article confirms it:
“When I met my husband, I encountered another kind of sexual experience. Without the familiar crutch of porn and fantasy, I began to feel more relaxed, more connected, more present. Eye contact stopped being so awkward. I didn’t have to use my hand to get off. I now know that pleasure can be born out of emotional intimacy and love — two things I didn’t see in my kind of porn, and two things I certainly wasn’t getting during all those years I was so frantically self-pleasuring but haunted by self-loathing instead.“
If you’re a woman watching porn, we’re here for you.
Remember, sex is not to bring shame. Sex is to bring love and pleasure. Both. Not either/or (Tweet This!).
This is awareness month for this site so please remember, ladies…
It’s OK to love sex.
But we hope that we can support you in loving yourself enough to where you’ll learn to hate porn.
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Hey ladies, if you struggle with porn or sex addiction there is hope and help. Get plugged into an X3group with other women who are also seeking purity and change. You can signup for an X3group this month and get HALF off your first month with discount code REALCHANGE. Get started today!
Heads Up, Ladies: Love Sex. Hate Porn. by XXXchurch.com is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.