I know how easily it might happen. You’re lonely. You miss him. You think back to all the good times you had together; the images of the two of you together replay in your mind, like a naughty video that’s for your mind’s eye only. Pretty soon, you’ve forgotten why you stopped talking to him or why you broke up. You wonder how he’s doing. And around this time of the year, you might be dreading the prospect of spending yet another year without a date. You call him up, with innocent enough intentions, or to push his buttons under the guise of just catching up on each other’s lives.
He wouldn’t think twice about getting together with you when you’re so vulnerable. You’d be easy prey. A little attention, maybe a cheap bouquet of flowers or chocolates, and you’d be eating out of the palm of his hand. After all, you’ve had sex with him before. It’s not like you’d be adding another partner to your “number.” Right? (Though you would be adding all the girls he’s been with since he was last with you!)
That’s (in the nicest way possible) P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C. Get a grip! He doesn’t love you. He never did. A night in his arms is not going to make you feel any less lonely. You would feel a thousand times worse if you hooked up with him. Here’s how to avoid hooking up with a past sex partner when you’re feeling sentimenal and lonely. It doesn’t take a heart surgeon. Don’t call him. Don’t answer the phone if he calls you. Don’t go on a date with him and don’t put yourself into any compromising situations!
What are you even doing keeping in touch with your exes? Clean out your phone, delete all those old e-mails, unfriend your exes on Facebook. Do whatever you have to do to keep your past in the past. I’ve done it. It’s extremely difficult, but it’s the only way to move on to the future that God has for you. Unless circumstances outside of your control force you to see him — if you work together, for example — you should not still have him in your life.
If he’s a “friend with benefits”, then you really need to end that situation. Chances are, you are hoping that he will change his mind some day. I have been there, too. I wasted six years being hung up on a “friend”. He was perfectly happy to take whatever I was willing to give, but I finally figured out the real reason that he slept with me. It wasn’t love. Maybe he cared about me on some level, but that wasn’t it. It was because I was there. Really romantic, huh?
Break those soul ties! Ask God to unchain your soul from his and every other guy you were ever with. Then healing can really begin. Pretty soon, you won’t even be tempted to delve into the past. Your memories of him will fade… You won’t even remember what his body looked like or what it was like to be with him. Those naughty videos in your mind that you used to dwell on? God will erase them. But that sure isn’t going to happen if you keep making new memories!
Plan a girls’ night out instead of romanticizing a past flame. Get dressed up in your best gown and go our for a fancy meal or a movie. If being alone is what triggers you to want to hook up with your ex, surround yourself with people who really do love you. Do whatever you need to do. Don’t focus on being dateless, because ultimately, you deserve better than to settle for sentimentality.