I don’t know what it is about Christian couples that makes them think that all of a sudden they have to turn into prudes who have to take a lifetime vow of celibacy. Studies have shown that the two primary reasons for divorce in the United States boiled down to financial issues or sexual dissatisfaction. While I could write a 30-year dissertation about the former, I choose to focus on the latter.
I have to be frank: God made sex for married people. He didn’t make it in order to shame us into some kind of fear about our natural inclinations to want to make love and procreate. Think about it this way: If sex was painful and hurtful (physically speaking), we’d never do it and the entire human race would cease to exist. God wants us to get busy in the bedroom. God wants us to have fun in the bedroom. God wants us to enjoy the beautiful gift of sex that he’s given us (Genesis 1:28).
In the hustle and bustle of everyday lives, we face all types of challenges. Some of these challenges can be as simple as what to eat for dinner. Others can be more harrowing like “How are we going to pay all these bills?” Sometimes because we get into a routine, we forget the importance of spending quality time with each other in the bedroom. This is a recipe for disaster.
There are some realities: You’re going to be tired. You’re going to have a headache. The kids are going to bug you with last-minute things that you feel are so unimportant, unfortunately it’s their whole existence at the moment. The bottom line is you’re going to have to fight through all of that in order to maintain a level of intimacy.
People in the world will have Christians believing that in order to have a healthy and vibrant romantic sex life, that you have to look like a porn star (or least behave like one). Nothing could be further from the truth. So here’s some tips to be romantic to keep the fire going without compromising your morals or integrity.
1. Don’t Ever Compare Yourself to a Porn Star. Your partner loves you and wants you for you. Don’t allow the world to create insecurities that you didn’t have before your marriage. If you had insecurities about the way that you look for your level of attractiveness, get over them. Sometimes it’s easier said than done, but it is vital that you be honest with yourself, and have healthy self-esteem. Nothing is sexier than confidence.
2. Communication Is Your Best Friend. Never be afraid to to tell you partner exactly what you want in the bedroom. Sometimes were not satisfied, because we expect the partners to be mind readers. This is impossible. My mother had a saying, “Closed mouths don’t get fed”. The Bible puts it another way (James 4:2). You get more of what you want by asking not by wishing.
3. Never Be Afraid to Spice Things Up. Now I’m not suggesting you go out here and grab the stripper pole and a riding crop, but you do have to do something to break out of the everyday routine. The moment sex and romance become a chore, resentment has an opportunity to fester. Try some rose petals, chocolate-covered strawberries, a blindfold or even a feather! The object of the game is for you to enjoy yourself.
Finally, don’t be afraid to fall in love with your partner all over again. Sometimes we have to get back to basics and remember what it is that made us love the person that we chose to spend the rest of our lives with. Send flowers to her office. Make him his favorite dinner. You’d be surprised how random compliment can change the atmosphere in your home. This also includes the importance of prayer and spiritual discernment. Marriages take work, and some of the best work you’ll ever have is in the bedroom.