There’s an excerpt from Chapter 7, “Breaking the Cycle of Sexual Drama” in this blog posting, too. However, first things first: On Friday, October 1, I launched a new idea…vision…ministry.  It’s called, “10…Again” and if you go to the site (, it will give you the particulars. Long story short, I’m finding more and more that so many married people are doing what they can just to make their covenant work that they don’t have a lot of time to celebrate the fact that it’s, well…working.

This is where “10…Again” comes in. Basically, you nominate a married couple that you admire, not because they are the “perfect couple” but because they are a committed couple. Each month, I select out of the nominations and bless the couple free of charge. The may get dinner and dancing out. They may get the honeymoon weekend (cause sistah girl ain’t ballin’ like that!-LOL), they never had. They may get a chef for a night. Who knows? What I do know, for sure, is that each blessing is custom-designed for the couple based on what you said about them, what they say about their marriage and how the Lord leads. Should they choose to accept the nomination, all they have to do is send a testimony re: how the seed blessed their union and forward it along to another married couple.

That’s it?!? Yep. That’s it. It’s pretty simple. Just as true blessing should be.

So, if you know of someone, or if you’re a husband or wife who would like to bless your spouse, shoot me an email to [email protected].  I would LOVE to hear from you.

And what does this have to do with the excerpt from my book for this week? Well, personally, I think that when Paul said that an unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord (I Corinthians 7:34) that basically means that marital covenant is *everyone’s responsibility*. Hmph. Perhaps if I had spent more time blessing people who are supposed to be having sex (that would be you, husbands and wives!-I Corinthians 7:5), I wouldn’t have been caught up in my “sex hamster wheel”. After all, sin just leads to trouble. Obedience is what gets you to your Promised Land (I Corinthians 3:8)!

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God’s Best

I can’t believe how much power I gave him . . . for almost fifteen years of my life. Well, I take that back. Yes, I can. On certain levels, that is what sex is supposed to do.

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I called him “David” in my first book, and while I don’t think he’ll mind my using his real name, because that name is bearing some other significance to me in this season, I will still refer to him as David in this book too. Partially because,

in many ways, I think he has the spirit of the biblical David—sexual issues times ten and a lot of pride—but deep down a really good heart in search of some direction . . . that only God can give. And while I’m here, let me say this, ladies: when you are a single woman in love with a single man, please don’t take on the role of wife until you are his wife. Looking back, there were so many times when I wanted to take on responsibilities for his life that were not mine to take. We were “one” from the consequences of sexual sin but we did not have God’s blessing to live as a married couple. His life was not and is not my responsibility. When you find yourself bonding to someone on a deeper level than friendship, you can be tempted to invest more in the relationship than you should. Don’t.

Looking back, this is part of what messed me up. For as long as he’s been in my life, in some shape, form, or fashion, I have wanted to give him something only God can give. I figured if I loved him enough, gave to him enough, even prayed for him enough, he would change. Change is a choice and at least last time I spoke with him, it wasn’t one he really wanted to make. It took a minute, but now I love him enough to respect that. And I finally love me enough to move out of his way. I do continue to pray for him, though, because strange things happen when you choose not to change, not when it comes to us but his relationship with his Creator. I’ve been there, and even at this very moment, I continue to want the best for him.

How can I feel that way? Well, a miraculous thing happens when you start seeing who God wants you to be. You stop playing the martyr and you start living as the victor. As a matter of fact, if anyone was to blame for my pain, ultimately, at the end of the day, I’m sure it was me. In all honesty I sent myself through my drama cycle with him longer than I ever

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should have partially because I chose not to change. I chose not to pray, “Lord, if this is not your will, please remove this cup from me.” Instead, my prayers went more like, “God, this is who I want and I don’t care what you think about it, just bless me with him.” Praise God for grace and mercy and yet, it’s just in the past six months or so I am seeing God’s no to David and a yes to something better. Not that he’s bad, but I know he’s not God’s best for me—and quite possibly, I am not God’s best for him. The Message version of Philippians
1:9–11 says:

So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.

Love can be romantic, but it’s also, even in the eyes of God, a very practical thing. Ladies, when it comes to matters of the heart not working out in the way we would like, I wonder how many of us, while telling God how good a woman we are and how stupid a man he is for not seeing it, actually take a moment to stop and humble ourselves and say, “Well, wait a minute. God, if I am not the best woman for him, please let me be at peace with your decision to either change me or remove me. I love him enough to let him get to the woman you have in mind for his life, just as I want to get to the man you desire for me as well.”