I remember when I first gotÂ aboard the XXXChurch train.Â One of the things that I mentioned to Craig was that I was going to write a blog on how much I loved having sex.
His immediate response?Â “Boy, I can’t wait to see what the response will be to that one.”
I guess we’ll know very shortly.
I’ve actually been wanting to write this message for quite some time now, but I figured that if I came right out of the box with it, it might be ill received.Â You see, I don’t want you to think that I am being irreverent by being so candid.Â I just want you to know that you are not alone in your struggle.
Just today, I was talking to someone about this site and he said that the one time he checked out a podcast, he felt that “we” were actually making fun of Christianity.Â One thing I shared with him in response to his concernÂ was that while I wasn’t sure which one he listened to, there was no way that anyone could deal EFFECTIVELY on the topic of porn from a traditional/legalistic perspective.Â Porn is bold.Â The Enemy is bold.Â It’s time that we be just as bold in our approach to sin and it’s damaging effects.Â So, that’s how I choose to look at what I’m about to say.Â It’s time out for tip-toeing around subject matters for the fear of what someone will think/say.Â It’s time that we GET REAL so that we can SAVE LIVES.
With that said, here we go.
Just a few weeks ago, I did a radio interview on my past promiscuity and my current state of abstinence.Â One of the things that the host asked me was if I enjoyed having sex because a lot of women tend to look back and realize that it wasn’t all that pleasurable to them once they actually take a break from it.
Shoot.Â Sometimes I wish I had that testimony because it would certainly make this journey a lot easier.Â No, I am not one of those women who had sex just because my boyfriend wanted to or everyone else was doing it.Â Sure, things like past sexual abuse, low self-esteem and peer pressure definitely played a part in my sexual misuse cycle, but don’t get it twisted: When the Bible tells of Eve tasting the forbidden fruit for the first time, by no means does it say that the fruit was nasty.Â As a matter of fact, I love how the Message Version tells the story:
“When the Woman saw that the tree looked like good eating and realized what she would get out of itâ€”she’d know everything!â€”she took and ate the fruit and then gave some to her husband, and he ate.”—Genesis 3:6 (Message)
And, when you think about it, there must have been something that impressed her so much about it that she passed it on to her husband (hence explaining how sin has been passed on to so many of us…one person does something and then tries to get someone else to do the same).
Like the fruit that ultimately took Eve’s life from her, it’s not the sex, but the conditions under which we have it that causes us great grief.Â Yes, this may be an obvious statement, but I feel led to share it because I know how cunning the Enemy can be.Â Some of us have allowed him to make us feel so guilty about our past that we start hating everything about it, or at least believing that we should.
I know of a couple who struggled for years in their marriage all because they had pre-marital sex and the wife felt convicted about it; so much so that the “freedom” that she expressed as a girlfriend became “bondage” as a wife.Â In other words, she felt so bad for the things that she did while dating, that she refused to partake in those same acts in marriage.
Thankfully, although I have yet to marry, I don’t foresee that being a part of my struggle when I finally do.Â I know that it’s not the sex that has beenÂ my problem.Â I love having sex; every single thing about it. Â No, it’s having sex outside of God’s purpose that’s the issue.Â And that is what I want to reinterate to those of you reading this message.
Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, don’t allow the Enemy to manipulate your thinking.Â A lot of times, those of us who have misused a resource or gift from God and then became convicted about it can take the lessons we’ve learned way out of context.Â You used to spend money like it was going out of style and so now you look at financial prosperityÂ like it’sÂ a demonicÂ stronghold.Â You used to enjoy the company of non-believers and so now you ignore them unless you’re hitting them over the head with scripture.Â You used to be “ho-ish” and so now you don’t like sex at all.
Coming to Christ about your mess, sin, addiction is not about making you feel more bound up than you were before doing so.Â Romans 8:11 says that there is no condemnation in Christ and John 8:36 says that if the Son makes you free, you indeed are so.
In my prayer time, what God has been revealing to me is that he has no problem with me loving sex.Â HE WANTS HIS CHILDREN TO LOVE IT.Â AFTER ALL, HE MADE IT.Â What hurts him is that it was meant to be a gift with no strings attached, yet unfortunately, so many of us are hanging from it and it’s killing us.Â Â God never wanted me to have sex and then worry if I was illegitmately pregnant the next day.Â Â He never wanted me to have sex and then have to run to the clinic for an STD test because myÂ partner was sleeping with half of the city.Â He never wanted me to have sex and then cry my brains out for monthsÂ over a man who was never meant to know me so intimately in the first place.Â He never wanted me to have sex and then be so guilt-ridden that when theÂ appointed time cameÂ I couldn’t make myself or myÂ mate happy.
God has no problem with me enjoying sex.Â He has a problem with the drama that comes along with it due to my disobedience.Â I was never supposed to have been able to associate pain, dispair, fear, disillisionment or even death (my abortions) from such a beautiful experience.Â As with anything that God gives us in his time and in his way, it was simply supposed to be something that brought pure joy and pleasure to my life.Â
The Enemy can’t stand for any one of God’s children to have a (legitimate) good time.Â That’s why he offers temporary pleasure followed by devastation in our single state and then guilt and fear about the temporary pleasure we had as singles in our marriage.Â Don’t let him use you like that.Â If you’ve eaten “forbidden fruit” in the past, don’t get caught up in the fact that you liked it so much as you didn’t trust God to wait for a time when it was meant to bless and not curse you.Â I don’t know about you, but I refuse to let the Enemy (someone I can will off of me) or my past (something that I cannot change) prevent me from getting all that God has coming to me; including an off tha chain sex life with an awesome husband.
Love the sex.Â Hate the drama.Â That’s what I aim to do.