“God said, ‘It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a
helper, a companion.’ So God formed from the dirt of the ground all the
animals of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to
the Man to see what he would name them. Whatever the Man called each
living creature that was its name. The Man named the cattle, named the
birds of the air, named the wild animals; but he didn’t find a suitable

God put the Man into a deep sleep. As he slept he removed one of his
ribs and replaced it with flesh. God then used the rib that he had
taken from the Man to make Woman and presented her to the Man.

The Man said, ‘Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh! Name her
Woman for she was made from Man.’ Therefore a man leaves his father and
mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh. The two of them,
the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame.”—-Genesis

So ladies—and daring fellas—are you ready to embark upon this
journey towards discovering what God has in mind for us when it comes
to courtship? I know I am!

First things first. As I was studying the remarkable relationship
between the first marriage ever recorded in history, Adam and Eve, I
discovered something that I never really thought about before. Although
Adam did indeed notice that there was a void in his life, it was
actually God who initially made the decision that it was time for Adam
to be joined to a helpmate (Genesis 2:18).

OK, so that already puts something things into a deeper perspective,
doesn’t it? Very easily, God could’ve had created Adam and Eve, placed
them on opposite sides of the garden and then let them hook up on their
own time. But remember that God is a God of order (I Corinthians
14:20). First, he provided an environment for Adam conducive to
successful living (Genesis 2:4-6). Then, he put him to work (Genesis
2:15). Then, he gave him instructions on how to live his life and
protect himself from harm: “You can eat from any tree in the garden,
except from the Tree-of-Knowledge-of-Good-

and-Evil. Don’t eat from it. The moment you eat from that tree, you’re dead.” (Genesis 2:16)

All of this happened before a woman even stepped onto the scene. Adam
hadn’t just graduated from high school nor was he broke and working a
summer internship. He wasn’t “in between jobs”, trying to figure out
the career path that he wanted to take or even deeper, trying to “find
himself”. First God created Adam’s purpose, then he created Adam and
then he gave him his assignment(s) on how to work within that purpose.

One of the things that I find to be very fascinating about this is that
God took time to cultivate a relationship with Adam before Eve even
existed. He didn’t use Eve to convince Adam that knowing God was
important to Adam’s success or their relationship. As a matter of fact,
because Adam had no idea that Eve was a part of his future, his top
priority was living a responsible life, serving his Creator.

What I also love about this story is that it also introduces us to
God’s concept of submission. Yes, in time, Adam was to be the head of
Eve but not without first submitting to God’s authority. I believe this
is why God wanted Genesis 2:16-17 recorded. It was God’s way of saying,
“Adam, I have given you the world and dominion over it, but there are
still boundaries that you must adhere to. There are still things that
you need to learn from me as far as your provision and protection.”

I remember during my own dating fiascos, a consistent question that my
mother would ask: “Shellie, is he saved?” My response? “Well, he goes
to church…he owns a bible….he’s not a Satanist.” OK, perhaps at another
date we will get into how God doesn’t give props to anyone in a
lukewarm state on any level (Revelation 3:16). Either you “is” or you
“ain’t”. But at the time, because I didn’t know God’s perfect design
and order for relationships, all I thought was, “If he’s heard of God,
we can get around to saving him later”.

Come on now! If Adam was perfect and could fall, what are we doing
starting off relationships with men who live lives of compromise from
the jump? Yes, we are all now born in sin, but that is more of a reason
why if a man is not making his relationship with God a priority before
even approaching you, he’s not someone who you should be intimately
involving yourself with. Yes, from a religious perspective I could say
that it’s because he doesn’t serve in church ministry (because you can
minister in other places than church), go to AYS (shout out to the
SDAs), wear double-breasted suits or whatever other traditional hang-up
you may have; but from a realistic perspective (and God is a realist,
people), it’s because if a man doesn’t grasp the concept of submitting
to God, he cannot ever effectively lead you anywhere but straight to
hell—-even here on earth.

Have you ever had an employer who didn’t have anyone to answer to? It
was a scary experience, wasn’t it? I don’t care how smart or
experienced someone may appear to be, they are human, so they are
flawed and that means that they will mistakes. If your employer thinks
that everyone should work 60+ hours a week with no hope of raise ever
and there’s not a board of directors to say, “Uh, you are crazy”, he
could continue to take advantage of his employees, perhaps even
unconsciously. From where he sits and the ways he sees it, spending all
day (and most of your nights) at the office is the key to success; but
from where you sit, it’s killing you.

Connecting to a man who has no relationship with God is like that “Uh,
you are crazy” employer. It’s not necessarily that his judgment calls
are always “bad”, but they are certainly “one dimensional”, from his
perspective only and limited in what would be best for the overall
company—-in this case, his family. It also places him in the position
where he has the full potential of becoming an ego maniac. A boss who
has no boss can very easily get caught up in running “his kingdom” and
ex-communicating anyone who challenges him. A man by the name of John
Davis said something so relative to this issue: “When training to be a
leader, you are not going to be a leader right away. You need to be a
good follower and work your way into leadership.” Some of you are
wondering where your husbands are and they are in “leadership

Which leads me to another point. Do you want to know why so may women
take issue with submission? Because they have involved themselves with
men who are poor leaders. Let me tell you something. As assertive and
outgoing as I am, the word “submission” doesn’t bother me…well,
anymore. As a matter of fact, I know that when I do buck up to
authority, it’s a reaction to the fact that male leadership wasn’t
properly modeled in my home. I grew up in an environment where the
father figure in my house played the “leadership/submission” card
whenever his manhood was challenged and a man’s manhood can only be
challenged when he is insecure (i.e. doesn’t understand his purpose).

While I’m thinking about it, let me address one other thing surrounding
this issue: I have heard far too many women say that they love
something about a man who’s arrogant; that they have a little swagger
to them. Girl, please. An arrogant man is an insecure man who is out of
position. When he thinks that he is “all that”, he is not concerned
with what you or God thinks about him. If you want to place yourself in
harm’s way, go ahead and get involved with a man who is always feeling
himself or only wants to surround himself with women who are feeling
him. I can guarantee that two things will most certainly take place: he
will always care about himself more than you and when you stop caring
about his way of doing things as much as he does, he will look for
someone else to fill your position.

Moving on.

It wasn’t until purpose, provision and instruction were in place that
God decided that it was time for Eve to make her introduction to the
scene. However, look at the word that God used in reference to Eve’s
necessity in Adam’s life (Genesis 2:18). He did not say that he would
make a “maid”, “doormat” or a “sex slave” for Adam. He said that he
would make a “helper that was right for him”. Now, this is hot right
here. Do you know what a helper is? It’s someone who “contributes to
the fulfillment of a need or furtherance of an effort or purpose”.

Do you see why it’s so important that a man must know his purpose in
life before ever knowing you? It’s because one of your main purposes
for even coming onto his scene is to take him to the next level.
However, it’s not your job, as his lifetime companion, to help him find
that purpose; that is a God/man relationship issue. Remember, you come
after purpose and provision to help him maintain what already exists. A
lot of women are bossy and contentious in their homes because they put
the cart (marriage) before the horse (purpose). If a man doesn’t know
what he’s supposed to be doing with his life, it can be very
frustrating being in a relationship with him because remember, he’s
supposed to be leading you. When he’s lost, you end up feeling
stranded, which can be very frustrating. More times than not, it only
ends up making you bitter and resentful.

Another thing I love about this love story is that it was Adam who
noticed that there was a void in his life. Eve was not nagging him to
death telling him that they should be together. He noticed that even
with having the entire world at this feet that there was still
something missing that he wanted and needed.

There is a specialty ice cream store here in Nashville that I was
talking to some of my girlfriends about recently. I was telling them
that I used to be the Kroger brand, but I am Maggie Moo’s now. I’ll
break it down.

Have you ever had someone come over to your house with a quart of
store-bought ice cream? You could’ve just finished eating, been full or
even had a scoop of your own from the fridge before they arrived, but
if they offer it to you, you still just might try it. Human nature is
selfish and greedy and so often the mentality is “Shoot, it’s free and
I had to put absolutely no effort into getting it so…why not?”
However, when you are craving a certain flavor that you can only get at
one place, yes it may be a little more expensive and take some extra
effort to make the journey to get it, but because that’s the only thing
that will meet your need, you are willing to make the sacrifice.

That’s what Maggie Moo’s is, and in the ice cream world, that is who I
now am. Remember, human nature is innately selfish and greedy. If you
are always calling a man, one day he may be bored and pick up. If you
are always going dutch on dates, he will get used to not paying. If you
put a little nookie on the menu, sex may not even be on his mind (cause
contrary to popular belief, that is not all that they think about), but
if you’re going to set it on the plate, he just might eat it—even if
he wasn’t all that hungry for it to begin with (SIDEBAR: You want to
know why so many men seem obsessed with sex? It’s because for so many
women, that is all that they have to offer on their menus. If they walk
into a chicken wings store, all they can really eat is chicken, right?
But if they go to a restaurant, I promise you that they will check out
everything on the menu and they just may surprise you with what they
select: conversation, quality time, etc. Work on expanding your menus,

Parents have said it and it applies to relationships as well. You
appreciate something more when you had to work for it and in God’s way
of doing things, especially when it comes to our “ice cream flavor”,
God knows that a man will esteem it so much more if he comes to the
conclusion that it’s what he wants.

That’s what I find to be so endearing when Adam verbally affirmed Eve upon laying eyes on her for the first time:

“Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh! Name her Woman for she was made from Man.” (Genesis 2:23)

In other words, “Finally, my world is complete. She is just what I was
wanting. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but God designed her
perfectly for me and I am so thankful.”

Let me just interject something here that is a “Paul statement” in the
sense that it is my interpretation but I still believe that God is fine
with my stating it: When Adam said “her name is woman”, he could
because remember that he was given that right before she even existed.
One of his assignments was to name all of the creatures in the earth.
With that said, I certainly don’t find it to be a sin when you don’t,
but I do think that this is the relevance in taking your husband’s name
in marriage. Even thousands of years later, the role that God gave man
has not changed. Man still has dominion over the earth…he can still
name the gifts that God has given him. When we take our husband’s name,
it’s not about losing our identity; our name doesn’t give us our
identity. God’s design and intention for us does, and it’s only God who
can change that. No, taking on the name that our man gives us is an
outward representation of our resolve to now be a part of his purpose
on this earth and if it’s with God’s blessing, that is something you
shouldn’t be resentful about. It’s definitely something to rock
proudly. It’s your way of saying “I am Mrs. So-and-so” and I am in my

Yes, I know I got some of you irate with that one, sorry.

Anyway, it was only after all of these steps that sex was brought into
the picture. Sex was not designed to create their relationship, but
like her taking his name, it was an even deeper way of celebrating
their covenant.

Now because I have eaten the forbidden fruit of more than a few trees,
as I am in my “Lord knows how long this will last” fast, I will tell
you one of the main things that I regret as it relates to my
disobedience. When Eve gave herself to Adam, she was in an environment
that was safe and lasting. God ordained it and so he was going to do
everything in his power to keep it in tact. Adam desired it and so he
too was going to cherish it—not just because she was stacked (I’m
sure), but because he didn’t want to risk losing the one who was
custom-made for him. Eve didn’t have to figure anything out. She didn’t
have to wonder if he was gonna hold her afterwards or if he would call
the next day. She didn’t have to create manipulative tactics to keep
his eyes from straying because remember, she was the one
custom-designed, by God, for him.

If you were going to buy a car, would you want a Lexus or a signature
Lexus—-one that is custom-made for you? Sure, any Lexus would be nice
but one that has all of the amenities that fit your style and
personality trumps any of the ones that come off of the assembly line
any day. The man who is ordained to be your husband will see you in
this same way: Lots of pretty Lexuses out there, but only one
especially made for him—only one that fits his signature style.

We will stop there for today. We’ll get into how Adam and Eve showed
out in the next session but in the meantime, your homework is to pray
for your mate, even now, even if you don’t know him. However, try
avoiding those “God I know so-and-so is the one so please hurry him
along” mantras. Instead pray, “God I know you have designed me
especially for a man with a specific purpose. I want to praise you
right now for making him a man who submits to your will, who receives
instruction from you on how to provide for himself and for me. I trust
that I will come at the perfect time—a time when he needs me to reach
his next level, one that he can’t achieve without my help; a time when
no one has to convince him that I should be there, a time when he
realizes that a helpmate is what he wants.”

And then thank God for creating you in the meantime. That’s where “he
who findeth a wife findeth a good thing” came from (Proverbs 18:22). If
you think you are sitting around doing nothing, think again. Even now,
if it’s your heart’s desire to be a wife, you are in wife preparation.
Adam didn’t have to deal with a lot of drama and baggage when Eve was
brought into his life because she too was complete. Eve was a perfect
fit for Adam because she was handmade by her Father—he took out
special time and effort to ensure that she was whole. She didn’t design
herself in the way that she saw fit, God did. The long weave, fake
nails, hoop earrings, push-up bras and Prada/Gucci gear were not a
priority in getting Adam’s attention, but perhaps if it had been left
up to Eve that would have been her focus. God is wiser than that; being
intricately formed by God in the way that he saw fit was all that
really mattered.

Hey, obviously God knew what he was doing because Adam loved it and they became one.

Class dismissed.

©Shellie R. Warren/2006