Let me just start by saying this:  If the word “chick” offends you, don’t jump to any conclusions just yet.  Although the word has never particularly ruffled my feathers, for this particular blog, I chose it for a reason.

Moving on…

I think I’ve mentioned before that I am a freelance writer.  I’m not sure, however, if I ever shared that a part of my assignments include entertainment journalism.  Anyway, whether I did or didn’t, because that is a part of what my daily work schedule entails, this means that I come across a lot of tabloid news; most of it very unnecessary and totally ridiculous, but for whatever reason, unexplicably relevant in today’s culture.

So today, as I was clearing out one of my inboxes, I came across an urban entertainment newsletter (EUR) that mentioned that Karrine Steffans was penning yet another memoir.

If you don’t know who that is, she is a woman who was given a very derogatory nickname for doing, well, very derogatory things (and exploiting it) with entertainers and athletes back in the day.  Usually, I am pretty direct in my writings but for some reason, today, I don’t want to share that name with you. I don’t know why exactly, but it kind of makes me feel like I am co-signing on degrading her (even if it seems like she doesn’t mind degrading herself).  I just think that if all of us did our part not to support such inflammatory references about women, sooner than later the “word fire” would die out.

Maybe that’s wishful thinking, but a girl can dream, right?

Anyway, the news for today as it relates to her is that she’s just finished what she hopes will be another bestseller in follow-up to her 2005 release, “Confessions of a Video Vixen”.  This time, the book is called, “The Vixen Diaries” (yeah, I’m not real sure how much it deviates from the original myself).

I’m sure that this appears like I’m about to bash the crap out of her for doing this.  After all, she caused a lot of drama with her first book.  But I’m not.  One thing I have learned within my own journey is that everyone has their own path in life.  We can spend so much time focusing on what someone else is doing/needs to be doing with their life that we neglect our own personal “to do list” (even the Bible says to mind your own business—I Thessalonians 4:10-12).  More and more I am coming to see that the best thing we can do for anyone is be a good example and denouncing them is probably not the best way to accomplish that.

Now, that doesn’t mean that I agree with what she has done/is doing or that I am afraid to say so (“I don’t agree with what she’s doing and I’m not afraid to say so”), but what I am saying is that sometimes God will put something or someone in your path so that you can check your own lifestyle.

So, as I read the write-up about her new book, there was something within the interview that caught my eye.  As I already stated, she is someone who has no problem putting the men that she has been with on blast.  To prove that, here is an excerpt from a recent King Magazine article (featured in EUR web’s newletter):

She told King magazine: “We’re driving down the street, a car pulls up to my car. My boy Chris is like, ‘What’s up?’ They rolled down the back window and it’s  (a well-known R&B singer), and he was like, ‘Is Karrine in there?’ Chris was like, ‘Yeah, yeah, she’s here.’

He got out the car and he came by and was like, ‘I’m heading back to my room, meet me at the hotel.’ We all went to the hotel after that. We hung out all night with Ras Kass and some other girls in the room. The whole time he was just rubbing my feet. Just biting on my feet, rubbing on them. But we were comfortable ever since. Then we spent the next couple of days together.

(A well-know R&B singer) looked at me right in my face and said, ‘I don’t care what happened before, but your life didn’t start until the day you met me, and no matter what happens if we just stay friends, we end up together it doesn’t matter.’ I just felt like I’d known him all my life. When that got out, I actually panicked. I was nervous. Because I didn’t want him to think that I did that. That’s not my style.”(This well-known R&B singer) meanwhile, denies that he is anything more than a friend to Steffans. He claims they’ve only met twice and exchanged small talk in passing.”

For the record, yes, this “well-known R&B singer’s” name was mentioned, but it’s not really relevant to the story.  What did hit me was that Karrine had one version of their relationship while he had another.  And that, my friends, is what stuck most with me. When I was a teenager (before I became sexually active), I used to hear guys talk about “mall chicks” vs. girls that they would just “mess with”.  The running joke was, “I mean, I’ll mess with her, but you won’t see in the mall with chick.”  In other words, to them, some gals were good enough to share anatomy parts with, but not good enough to let other people know it.

Sounds pretty degrading, huh?Â

Well, before you get all judgmental, as you run down the list of your own dating history, how many of those guys had a wife, a fiance’ or a girlfriend?  How many of those guys did you find yourself in a “non-definable” (not really together, not really apart) with?  How many of those guys were you “really familiar” with at night and “really casual” with in the day supposedly to keep everyone “out of your business”?Don’t you see?  You are no better than the “chicks” that guys won’t take out to the mall.  If a man cannot make a full, proud and commitment to you, HE DOESN’T DESERVE ANYTHING; not your time, not your energy, not your emotions and certainly not your physical affection. The sad thing about Karrine is that it doesn’t really matter if her memoirs are true or not.  If they aren’t then she is wasting a lot of energy being a liar to be famous and that makes me pity her.  However, if she’s telling the truth, how sad that she would give something as precious as her body up and men think so little of her and it that they won’t even admit it.  How sad that we’ve gotten to a place in society where  guys are not making up stories about being with us anymore, but stories about not being with us for fear that their reputations will ruined.  Talk about “casting pearls before swine” (Matthew 7:6)

So, what’s my main point?  What’s my bottom line?Â

Just recently, it was brought to my attention that for years a man from my past told people that I was “psycho” in response to rumors about us being sexually involved.  At the time that we were “keeping it on the low” things seemed so erotic and exciting.  Now it’s just irritating and degrading.  To give something as intimate as my body to someone and in return have them peg me as crazy and insane to protect—whatever he was trying to protect, well, it’s just another one of God’s umpteenth reasons why fornication/adultery is not a good idea.  Sex is a beautiful thing that no one should want to keep hidden when it’s used responsibly.

Ladies, we all deserve a man who will shout from the rooftops not only that we are his, but that he took the necessary steps to make us his.  He shouldn’t have to sneak, hide and deny because (hello) MARRIED PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE SEX AND WHEN YOU’RE MARRIED, IT’S NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.

No woman should have to resort to publishing books to get someone to believe her. After all, our minds, our bodies, our souls…they’re all worth so much more than a couple of million sold.Â