So, I know this is a site that deals with (virtually) all things sexual (relatively-speaking).  And, while I pride myself on not being the most shy type on these subject matters, because (despite what the Hate Mail writers believe) this is a ministry-based website, I am going to deal with this as directly—and delicately as I can.

In response to my previous blog, a man by the name of Mike wrote in to ask me if I thought there was something wrong with oral sex.  His exact question was:

“You think that oral sex between two loving and consensual adults is derogatory?”

I believe he is asking me this because Karrine Steffans (the author that I was writing about) has a nickname that addresses this activity.

Now, before I start, let me say this:  I think all and any kind(s) of sex should be reserved for married people.  But, with that said, I will share my thoughts on oral sex.

One of my favorite speakers is a man by the name of Noel Jones.  Several years ago, I heard him say that one place that the Church often goes to, but does not belong is the (marital) bedroom.  I totally agree.  Now, while I think that the CHURCH should stay out, I do believe that the BIBLE should be in and this is what the Bible says about sexual activity in a marriage:

“Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.”—I Corinthians 7:2 (Message)


Because I am not one of those people who thinks sex is just for procreation (Adam and Eve were having sex before she became pregnant with Cain and Abel) and because I believe that the marriage bed is indeed undefiled (Hebrews 13:4), I think that what a husband and wife do to bring pleasure to one another that does not degrade or physically damage either party (I hope you can read in between the lines there because that is about as deep as I’m going to go) is both beautiful and permissible.

My issue with not mentioning the slang term or name in my blog is because if you are single, you have no business being that intimate with ANYONE and you certainly don’t need to be doing it so much that you have a reputation for it.  On the other hand, if you are married and your man thinks it’s cute to refer to you in that way to the masses, he needs his supply of “intimacy” cut off for a season as well (let him pray about respecting you during that time).

I once heard a pastor say, “My wife has flaws and issues but you will never hear what they are from me.”  What a wonderful sentiment.  No, I don’t think your bedroom activity, whatever that may be, is a “flaw” or “issue”, but it is something that is extremely private, extremely intimate and extremely special that is no one’s business but you and your spouse.  The moment you involve other people in it in a way that exposes the sacredness of your sexual union, you are no different than they guys who pimped out Karrine.  Do what you want to celebrate one another, just make sure that it’s affirming, not denouncing the love that you have.

Whew!  I hope that answered your question, Mike.  Now, I need to get off of that subject. See, I’m not married and so WHATEVER THE ACTIVITY, I’m gonna have to wait, so I need to take a break from these deep thoughts (for now). 🙂

But thanks for askin’.