Oral sex is my weakness.

Not sex but oral sex.

There’s no sugar coating it, beating around the bush, or playing it off. If it’s done right, it will definitely keep me coming back over and over again. Oral sex was the first sex that I was introduced to and it’s the one thing that I continuously crave whether I get it on a regular basis or not. While I confess to be a Christian or better yet, a flawed follower of Christ, I am well aware of what the Bible says about pre-martial sex.  However, I still find myself engaging when the opportunity becomes available.

Growing up, I never equated oral sex as “sex.” Yeah, I know that “sex” is “oral sex” but my interpretation of sex was penetration.  Sex, in my eyes, was intercourse. Everything else (i.e. kissing, touching, petting, grinding etc.) was harmless as long as self-control was exercised. Although, this was not perhaps how it worked for the average person, I was somehow able to achieve it.

To be honest with you, since I made a vow to not engage in sexual relations until I got married, I felt as though oral sex was my way of getting what I wanted while God got what he wanted. No harm, no foul right?! My biggest fear with intercourse was pregnancy. Out of the thirty-one years I have been on this earth, I have yet to hear about a baby being conceived during oral sex. Not to say that it hasn’t happened somewhere, I’m just saying I haven’t heard of it happening…anywhere!

My whole reasoning for continually engaging is mainly due to self-gratification. I know it’s something I shouldn’t do, but I thoroughly enjoy it. I enjoy the way it makes me feel and the euphoric place that it puts me. There are times that I have been left with mixed emotions after the fact, but not enough to make me stop. I may take a hiatus from it for a period of time, but have yet to let it go completely.  My intent is to not be blatantly disobedient; I just have yet to find a good enough reason to stop doing it. However, if I love God like I say I do that should be reason enough, right?!?

A pretty bold statement, I know. But this is where I stand. I’m still a work in progress.

I know this is something I should feel guilty about doing, but honestly… A LOT of times…I don’t.

Keep me lifted.