was afraid to continue living in Zoar, so he and his two daughters
went to live in the mountains in a cave. One day the older daughter
said to the younger, ‘Our father is old. Everywhere on the earth
women and men marry, but there are no men around here for us to
marry. Let’s get our father drunk and have sexual relations with him.
We can use him to have children and continue our family.'”—Genesis
19:30-32 (NCV)

must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have
the life that is waiting for us.”—Joseph Campbell

know. It’s been a minute. This book deadline has been kickin’ my
butt. The good news is that I will be done on June 1. The “well,
we’ll see news” is that I’m not sure how much writing I will feel
like doing after that…at least for a minute or two. Covering sex
in 10 chapters in two weeks while still having to do other writing to
pay the bills takes a lot out of a person. But, I did want to drop a
word of encouragement, and quite possible warning, for those of you
who may be in the “Why God, why?” or “When God, when?” stage
of your journey.

is often full of so many unexpected surprises. I’m not sure how many
of you have checked out the marriage blog for singles that I started
earlier this year (
Kind of like the book, that was a whirlwind project unto itself as
well. One morning I woke up and God, through the power of the Holy
Spirit, was like, “Let’s get to crackin’” and within days, there
were dozens of stories up by married people re: how they knew their
one was the one. There are well over 70 entries now (I think), but
until yesterday, I hadn’t posted a new story since March. Well,
someone that I had almost lost all faith in (truly we should not lose
heart in well doing) sent me his…and let me just say, it was right
on time. If you get a chance, go to the blog and check out Lee’s
entry. It’s the inspiration for this message.

all of the stories that I’ve heard/read/edited for “So, How Did YOU
Know?”, I think his is one of the most unique. It definitely holds
some twists and turns that would make even the best suspense writer
raise an eyebrow or two. And, because I know Lee and his queen
personally, I must admit that it really touched me in a special way,
mostly because they weren’t 25 when they got married…not by a long
shot. For me, in this season, they are yet another reminder of what
waiting on God can, and if you have faith in him and his Word, will
do. (Hebrews 11:1 & 6)

do know how some of you roll, though and so if you are one of those
people who is barely making time to read this, let alone go to
another web page, I wanted to share this part of his answer to how he
knew that Kim was the one for him:

I shared that with Kimberly and we remained prayerful. I made the
appointments to speak with the three people and each one of them gave
me a piece of the puzzle to help me process through where I was. The
one story that I will share with you that one of the individuals
shared with me that brought me so much peace was that God changed His
mind about a decision He had made to make Saul the King of Israel.
So, God refused Saul as king (because of his disobedience) and chose
David to be king, instead. For some reason, I had never seen it as
God changing His mind, but He did. And so, what was revealed to me
was that
(God) was taking me (the
of Israel
from Saul (the lady he had spoken a word to me about marrying) and
giving me to David (Kimberly) because she knew how to take care of
the kingdom that was inside of me.

Because Saul did not wait on God, in the sense of following his
commands, God changed his mind and made David king (I Samuel 15 &
16); that, I was not unfamiliar with, but I never really thought
about applying it to the here and now. Amazingly, God used that very
message to minister to Lee about his own bride and future marriage.

revelation really sent my head to spinning and my heart to racing.
So many times we talk about being promoted and elevated by God, but
how many of us keep a humble spirit about what it takes to remain in
that position? These times that we live in are not much different
from the days of old. As a matter of fact, Matthew 23:11-12 (NKJV)
tells us, “
But he who is greatest among you
shall be your servant. And whoever exalts himself will be humbled,
and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” When you stay humble
(not proud or arrogant; modest; courteously respectful; meek), God
will exalt (to raise in rank, honor, power, character, quality, etc.;
elevate) you. Oh, but the flip side of that coin is that if you exalt
yourself, you will be humbled.

it comes to desiring and acquiring “wife status”, this is
definitely something to keep in mind. Ecclesiastes 3:14 says that
what God does lasts forever and what he does, he does so that people
will fear him. When it comes to receiving your heart’s desire,
please know that it will not be granted if God senses that it will
cause you to commit idolatry; if it will tempt you (beyond what you
can bear) to not respect him. The truth is that God gives so that we
will respect him as the Giver of all gifts. You can go to Romans 1
to see what happens when we neglect to honor him in this way.

so, as I was praying about the state of my heart, and I was
interceding on you all’s behalf, it was the story of Lot and his
daughters that God led me to. Now, I’ve always found that particular
tale to be grotesquely strange. Here are two women who desired
children so badly, that they got their father drunk and had sex with
him…both of them. Oh, but it wasn’t until today that I caught the
New Century Version of this story. According to this translation,
their fears were also that, “Everywhere on the earth women and
men marry, but there are no men around here for us to marry.”

I don’t personally know anyone who would be desperate enough to
seduce their father, but I’ll tell you what: God doesn’t find
fornication or adultery to be any less disgusting than incest (I
know, right?). Do you know how many sex partners I took on in my past
all because I had a very similar “Lot’s daughters” kind of
attitude? Do you know how many times I’ve gotten a wedding invitation
in the mail or was on my way to a bridesmaid fitting and I thought,
“Everywhere on the earth women and men marry, but there are no men
around here for ME to marry?” and then found a way to take matters
into my own hands…one way or another?

deja vu of that story in parallel to that portion of mine is almost
staggering! The story of Lot and his daughters goes on to share that
they both ended up becoming pregnant by him. One daughter had a son
named Moab (Ruth was a descendant of him), the father of the Moabite
tribe…a pagan tribe. The other daughter had a son by the name of
Ben-Ammi. He became the father of the Ammonite people; there
continues to be bad blood between the Ammonites and the Israelites
even today. Two decisions, made in desperation, that many years ago,
and we are still seeing the after-effects of it.

don’t know about you, but that screamed, “Slow your roll” to my
spirit in deafening volumes! Not that it’s wrong to desire a husband
or believe God for one, not that it’s wrong to continue with the
class that I believe God led me to start, but ultimately, this
reminded me that I must let God do things in his way and in his
time. If not, like Saul, I could lose my position or like Lot’s
family, I could bring chaos into my bloodline for generations to

so, as the Jewish holiday,
Shavuot is
upon is (it started at sunset today and for more info, you can go to
I encourage you to take out a moment or two to do what so many of our
Jewish brothers and sisters will be doing: thanking God for the gift
of the Torah (the first five books of the Bible) and rededicating
themselves to God; to remember that when it comes to the Love
Chapter, being patient and kind and enduring through all applies to
how we should love our heavenly father most of all.

know that many of us say that patience is a virtue, but after
reflecting on this message, I will go a step further and say that
patience is virtuous and when it comes to wife status, a humble
wife…an honorable wife…a patient wife…a virtuous wife is
valuable beyond measure. (Proverbs 30:10)

that’s what we’re really waiting for, eh? To reach that status to
receive that kind of reward. Perfect love has no fear. (I John 4:18)
That would include fear of time…because all things, including time,
belongs to the Creator of us all. Me, you…and our husbands-to-be.
(Acts 1:7) So purpose in your mind to love God, yourself and “him”
enough to wait. It’s worth it….for generations to come.


R. Warren/2009