I am an accountability partner to a dear friend of mine who struggles with porn, and the constant question I have is, “What do I even say when my friend tells me she’s struggling?”
In a casual conversation with friends at a hangout, I found my answer. Another friend was boasting about the power of God and told me about how godly encouragement was life-changing at her church.
“There was a girl I would talk to who struggled with sexual sin in a relationship,” she told me. “This girl did not speak about it, but it was evident that sin was affecting her. I could have easily pointed to her sin and made her feel ashamed or embarrassed, but instead, I believe God provided the words when I assured her, ‘You know, God sees you as wholly pure.'”
The moral of this story is applicable to my experience as an accountability partner: sin is an identity issue.
When my friend gives in to temptation, I know not to always focus on the porn. Rather than constantly reminding her that porn is bad, I must remind her that God is good and He forgives her. Yes, porn is dirty, but she knows that already!
Does she really know that she is clean through Christ, though? That she is a child of God who is already forgiven? Does she need to be reminded of this truth?
Do you?
This story also reminded me of the effectiveness of gentleness. It’s easy to think that, since the truth hurts, we’re justified by giving blunt and harsh condemnation. Instead, try to use loving truth that leaves a person their dignity despite undignified sin.
Accountability can be an encouraging experience, and familiarity with who we are in Christ is just as helpful as familiarity with the battle against porn. I can’t tell my friend, “I know exactly what you’ve gone through and I know exactly how it feels.” No one can know that but her.
I can, however, tell her that as her sister in Christ, I know who we ARE. We both struggle with sin, but regardless of it, God does not make it our identity.
It isn’t yours, either.
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