I am not a woman small in stature. There are certain positions that my voluptuous body just will not allow itself to be placed in without excruciating pain. My body is imperfect with cellulitis and dents in certain areas that I prefer not to mention. Why would I compare myself to some of the women in the porn videos my husband watches and feel as though I can never measure up? That’s insane! I cannot and will not allow myself to feel inadequate or less than I know who God says I am while trying to compete with an addiction that is not my own.
My husband’s addiction plays is a major factor in our marriages dysfunction; however, I know that I am a daughter of the Most High God and my value is far above rubies. Porn cannot and will not make me feel less than what I am. My husband’s addiction robs us from having a healthy sex life. As a result of us not having a healthy sex life, we have communication issues. We are not unified. There’s no intimacy. Our conversations are few. Most of the time, I feel like we are roommates who occasionally have sex. That’s a pretty bad outlook on my marriage but the truth nonetheless.
I know I measure up and win over porn because everything I do in my marriage, I do it as unto the Lord. The God I serve is so much bigger than porn. He created me to be a help to my husband. So, that’s exactly what I do. I help my husband. I make sure that all is well with him. I pray for him. I cook for him. I offer my body unto him whenever he desires it. I build him up and do not tear him down with my words. I encourage him to be more than his natural mind can imagine. I encourage him to tap into the spiritual realm and seek direction from the Lord. I speak to him about his addiction and we move through it together. My husband knows that he is not alone. He feels my presence and support. He knows that I have his back.
I’ve learned over the years of being married to a porn addict that my faith should not rest in my husband. He lets me down quite often. However, my faith and trust should solely be in the Lord. It is He and only He who will comfort me and never let me down. He will always be there for me. Even in times of my unbelief and pity party’s about what my marriage is not, He’s there. He knows the plans He has for me and my marriage. He is my source of strength. With the Lord on my side I know that I measure up and win over porn addiction. You can too.