Before I became a mother, I was pretty “meh” about porn. I wasn’t a big fan nor a big objector. The actors are (in most cases) consenting adults, so nobody was being hurt, unless of course, they were into that. There were much bigger things to be offended or turned on by, in my opinion.
I can’t honestly say that I’ve never watched a “flick”. They were a source of curiosity at one point for me. Are those people REALLY having sex on camera for real??? Growing up religious and a little sheltered, the whole concept kind of blew my mind. I also came of age in a time when porn went mainstream. The Internet has made porn instantly and readily available to everyone’s computer, phone, and smart device. Actresses like Jenna Jameson and Heather Hunter crept into pop culture with books, movie and tv appearances, etc. Playboy became a mainstream clothing brand (I confess that I owned a Playboy pair of jeans and tank top at one point in my 20s). Suddenly looking like a porn star was hot. The stigma was lifted and it was “edgy” and “sexy” to “make love like a porn star”. After recently watching a program on CNBC about the marketing behind porn’s rebranding, I know for sure that none of this was by accident.
It wasn’t until I became a mother and began to see the world through “mommy colored glasses” that I realized the major role porn plays in our children’s lives and it breaks my heart and angers me. My daughter was born in 2011 and it’s safe to say that we are now a porn-saturated culture. Pop stars are extremely resistant to pants and encouraged to wear and sing about practically nothing, one of the most popular book series in the world is about sadomasochism, and reality shows glorify their overtly sexual “stars”. It seems that the more outrageous, the better. We’re desensitized as a whole and our children are suffering as a result of all this. A recent study found that among 6–9 year old girls, 68% of the girls wanted to look “sexy” (click here to read about this very interesting study). Girls who value themselves primarily for how their bodies are viewed by men based on years of exposure to objectifying media images, make unhealthy sexual choices measured by decreased condom use and weakened sexual assertiveness – the ability to say “no”. There’s nothing liberating about being objectified. Indiscriminate, empty sex is not to be praised.
I fear for my daughter growing up in this world. No matter how much I limit television, the Internet and music, she will be bombarded with these messages simply walking down the street or from her friends at school. I realize that the messages she receives at home, from her father and I, have to be very clear. She is not an object. She is loved and accepted unconditionally. Her body is a beautiful and blessed temple and should be cherished and treated with care and respect. The development of her mind is more important than the development of her “booty”. Regardless of her weight or social status, she is worthy in the eyes of God. My daughter Grace has the power to be and do anything she wants and I want her to believe and know that with every fiber of her being. She also has the capacity to love and validate herself, and to know that any relationship she becomes a part of should simply add to her already overflowing cup.
Porn culture tells us that a woman’s value lies between her legs, on her chest, and behind her and that men should be “players” and sleep with as many women as possible and not care who he hurts in the process. This has got to stop because it is literally and figuratively KILLING us.
I don’t hate the men and women who perpetuate the messages…I used to be one of them. I sympathize. When you believe that who you are is equal to what you weigh or who wants to sleep with you, it’s easy to fall into the trap. In one way or another we’ve all been affected by this culture, whether we realize it or not. Motherhood was my wake up call. For the sake of my daughter and her generation, we’ve all got to tune in and turn the porn off…
Shellie here: Rissi is debuting a children’s project this month entitled The Best Day Ever. For more information, visit RissiPalmerMusic.com. To check out her live showcase on Tuesday, December 18 at 5pm(CST), click here.