I have two daughters and I’m single, so a topic like this resonates with me in a multitude of ways. How do we deal with the powerful persuasion to have a physical relationship with our significant other before marriage? I used the term “powerful persuasion” purposefully. A “powerful persuasion” can be your partner pressuring you to have sex. A “powerful persuasion” can be your own thoughts telling you that you may not be desirable if you don’t have sex with him. A “powerful persuasion” could also be that your girlfriends are doing it and if you’re hanging out with them, you have to be doing it as well (or at least so it seems).
Before I dig deeper, let me address the phrase “powerful persuasion” one final time. Powerful means “having or exerting great power, physically strong, potent, having great effectiveness”. I used the term “powerful” because each of the scenarios in the previous paragraph are about power. Ladies, I don’t think making a decision about what you want to do with your body is as much about the pressure as it is about taking or giving power. It is true there is an element of persuasion, but the persuasion can only begin where the power ends! You have all control, all power in this situation. There is no persuasion beyond that. The powerful persuasion is actually persuasion which you are giving all of the power!
There is also the element of want. We are all human and we each have needs and desires. We should not discount those nor take them for granted. What we should do is keep everything in the proper perspective. I recently heard a speaker say, “It’s not about what you feel. Your feelings do not control you, you control your feelings.”
Let’s bring this together. Sexual desires are what they are, desires. Your desire is a pretty term for how you “feel.” You have POWER over your feelings. Therefore, it’s not really about what you want (desires/feelings). It’s not about what your girlfriends are doing (persuasion). It’s not about what you think he thinks (placating to a perception which may or may not be correct). It’s definitely not about him trying to get you to do something you are unsure of, or you know it’s not what you want to do (very powerful persuasion). It’s all about you keeping your POWER to control your desires/your feelings.
If you’re serious about this topic, think about this question: Is there really pressure, or is it a question of who has the POWER? A man only has what you allow them to have. If you give him the power because you feel there’s a consequence of him leaving or something worse, if you don’t succumb to the pressure, you need to leave. You can only control what you can control. I should add this point: If you can’t control your body, you don’t need to be in the situation. I will clarify that if you (not him, but you) have such a deep desire to do something you don’t want or need to do, you should remove yourself from the situation. That’s truly retaining your power. If he’s really into you, as crazy as this might sound, he will probably dig you even more. Mature men want women who have their own thoughts, minds and are capable of making good decisions. A woman can’t eventually be my mate if she can’t think for herself and act on her own in many capacities.
Consider that if you make the choice to keep your POWER, there is no pressure. Practice keeping your POWER. Soon you will find confidence and esteem in this POWER. Take the one small step to make your own decision one time and stick with it, and you will grow in that strength every time you have to exercise (with grace) your POWER.