If I were to create a “nickname” for this chapter in “Pure Heart” (“Confusion: The Misuse of Sex”), it would have to be “Where no masturbating will getcha…eventually.” (LOL) This week, marks one year since *I’ve* masturbated. A MAJOR FEAT FOR ME…trust me! Amazing that the timing would be the same week that I am sharing an excerpt from what deals with the misuse of sex. The Lord’s timing is always…on time.

Just last week, while speaking at a conference, a wife approached me to say that while she had *heard* that masturbation was wrong, it wasn’t until I spoke on how it affects our spirits that she really started to take it seriously. I’m actually writing a devotional this week on “spiritual transference” and how devastating it can be. In the matter of masturbation, if you’re single, it gives you a physical response/reaction that only the marriage bed should provide for you. If you’re married, ironically, the same rule applies. An orgasm is a benefit of oneness. It’s not oneness, though. And, since the Word says that when a HUSBAND and WIFE become one, they are naked and not ashamed (Genesis 1:24-25), as I often used to ask myself as I was trying to “kick the habit”, “Why do I need to become one with myself? I’m already one with myself.”

Has it been easy? Not really. Well, sometimes. It depends. When you know what gets you “high”, it takes a *real discipline* to not do it. However, the perk is that I’m no longer a sex self-abuser. FINALLY. Not chasing highs causes me, in return, to start chasing truths. And, the truth is that when the Word says that an unmarried woman is to honor the Lord with her body and her spirit (I Corinthians 7:24), this means that until Abba Father grants me an “Ish” (Hebrew for “man” and “husband” interchangably…a point I will have to make sure to get into at another time!-wink), orgasms are put on hold. Besides, I don’t want to be doing work that my Ish should be doing. THAT’S WHAT HE’S THERE FOR (I Corinthians 7:4). *wink again*

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I knew what God wanted of me: one year. I needed to be abstinent for one solid year. Like Esther, who spent a year

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getting ready for her king (Esther 2:12–13), for me to reach my destiny, I needed to purge fornication from my system for twelve solid months.

There have been and I pray will continue to be times in my life when I know (that I know that I know) that God spoke something specifically to me. Undoubtedly, through those verses of Scripture in Luke, this was one of those times. Matthew 12:33 tells us that a tree is known by its fruit, right? Well, as much as I wanted to deny it, when it came to character development, I’ve always known full well that one of the fruit of the Spirit is self-control (Gal. 5:22–23). What I also knew is that it was a fruit I didn’t really want to partake of; I didn’t want to control myself, especially in the realm of sexuality. Again, God knew it, I knew it, and Satan knew it, and let me tell you something: when it comes to knowing
something that’s best for you and ignoring it, especially when it’s a revelation
from God, that’s a surefire way to keep you from truly fulfilling your purpose
and receiving access to all of the good plans that God has for your life (Jer.
29:11). God withholds no good thing from those who walk uprightly (Ps. 84:11). And now, more than ever, I’m sure that’s why the Enemy wants to keep us
single gals on our backs!

Sex outside of God’s plan doesn’t give us anything; it takes. The initial title of Inside of Me was Queens Can’t Balance Crowns on Their Backs because the truth is, if you’re a single woman of royalty (1 Peter 2:9), no matter how hard you may
try, when it comes to “balancing” sexual immorality with virtue, it just doesn’t work. If you’re even half as biblically conscious as God has created you to be, you will fall on your face, in repentance to the Lord, for doing what was blatantly
against his will, every single time. A lukewarm lifestyle, even and especially when it comes to sexual sin, does not please God (see Rev. 3:16). It never has and it never will.

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Godly Purpose

So what do I believe is a part of my destiny . . . the godly good plans . . . my purpose? Okay, I don’t want to seem like one of those psycho self-prophesiers who really end up being prophe-liars, but I do believe that someday God will bless me with the ordained-by-him roles of being a wife and mother. I once read that R&B singer Jill Scott was quoted as saying, “To be the queen of a household is a powerful thing,” and I would totally agree. But to be that kind of queen, God must prepare us. Personally, when it comes to getting to my “Proverbs 31 Promised Land,” I often tell the story of sitting at the wedding of someone significantly younger than me—with a full-fledged attitude. “God, she’s a kid! Why is she getting married before I am?”

God is about keeping his Word, and he is very clear about the consequences that come with our unhealthy choices. James 1:14–16 states: “But people are tempted when their own evil desire leads them away and traps them. This desire
leads to sin, and then the sin grows and brings death. Mydear brothers and sisters, do not be fooled about this.”

Death. It manifests in many forms. Obviously, my sexual sin didn’t result in the loss of my life (praise God), but it did cause the loss of four of my children, the brokenness of my spirit, the damage to my self-esteem, and an extreme case of
“blurriness” when it came to seeing and receiving the vision that God has for me. Just like when the Woman ate of the fruit and lived to tell about it, while still suffering for her sins, any time we operate outside of God’s love—the very thing that holds his plans for us—there is a kind of death that comes on us because, apart from the Lord, we can do nothing (John 15:5). This includes remaining spiritually healthy while doing things that are physically not.

You can’t do something with your body without it affecting your mind. You can’t think something with your mind that does not also affect your spirit. Anytime you have sex,


everything about you is a!ected, changed . . . and from a spiritual place, if it’s outside of covenant, to a certain extent, everything about you gets damaged. That’s why I find the term “safe sex” to be a joke. The only “safe sex” is in marriage (because abstinence isn’t “safe sex,” it’s just obedience).