“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”—Matthew 5:8 (NKJV)

Pure : free from anything of a different, inferior, or contaminating kind; free from extraneous matter; free from foreign or inappropriate elements; clear; free from blemishes; straightforward; unaffected; without any discordant quality; clear and true; absolute; being that and nothing else; mere; clean, spotless, or unsullied; untainted with evil; innocent; free of or without guilt; independent of sense or experience; physically chaste; virgin

Synonyms : authentic, blameless, blessed, celibate, clean, complete, honest, modest, pure as the driven snow, pure and simple, real, righteous, thorough, true, twenty-four carat, unadulterated, undebased, unprofaned, virtuous, wholesome

Virgin: a person who has never had sexual intercourse; an unmarried girl or woman; (informal) any person who is uninitiated, uninformed, or the like; pure; unsullied; undefiled; first; not previously exploited, cultivated, tapped, or used; without experience of; not previously exposed to; not fertilized

“Purity is the feminine, truth is the masculine of honor.”—David Hare

Yeah. Not sure how this is gonna go. My mind is kind of all over the place when it comes to this particular subject matter. And, while I do pray before penning each piece (Psalm 91:1), I think I should actually pen, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of heart be acceptable in thy sight. Oh Lord, my strength and my REDEEMER. Amen.” Just so we all can be in a place of receiving. This one, for some, may be a hard pill to swallow.

About a year ago, I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine. She was talking to me about how she had gone seven years without sex; therefore, she was using the term, “abstinent”. And while, she’s been pretty consistent with her testimony about not having sexual intercourse, I also knew that there had been some, eh hem, other activities that took place in that time. Therefore:

Me: “I mean, you’re not abstinent. You just haven’t had sex in seven years.”

Her: “What?!?”

Me: “If you’ve been touched, if you’ve had someone see you naked, if you’ve had an orgasm, you’ve not been abstinent.”

Abstinent : forbearance from any indulgence of appetite; any self-restraint, self-denial, or forbearance

Celibate: a person who abstains from sexual relations

Oh, trust me. It took her a minute to come around. Probably because clear cut (sexual) purity is something that’s not really talked about…but it should be. Just today, I read an article that stated that in a National Survey of Family Growth, 95% of the people who responded had sex before marriage. Ninety-five percent. While perusing on the Internet earlier this week, I came across the website, WaitingTillMarriage.com. In one of the feature articles, behold, a “virgin map”. It actually is an interactive flash presentation of a world map and where people who visit the site are reflected when it comes to those who have the most interest in remaining a virgin (I know, right?). Let’s just say…it’s not a lot of people in the US.

Then I thought about a statistic I read in an article on AssociatedContent.com (“Why Most Don’t Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex”) which stated that the reason most people don’t wait is due to fear: fear of rejection, fear of waiting, fear of being an outcast. Yet, perfect love casts out fear, right? (I John 4:18) Then I thought about how in the Bible, a woman is either described as a “virgin” or a “prostitute”. There’s no middle ground. And finally, I thought about my blog on X3Church.com and how a lot of the porn addicts that ask me questions are…virgins. Let me correct that: are people who have never had sexual intercourse with someone else.

The Bible says that the truth will make you free (John 8:32), right? Freedom is one it’s way! Just so no one gets offended, let me just say that I am a huge fan/believer of James 5:16. I am a living representative of the fact that in confessing our faults, therein lies healing. And so, my truth is that while it will be four years on January 9, 2011 that I will have gone without sexual intercourse (along with most of the sexual additives that come with it…oral sex, kissing, etc.), it will only be this October since I can say I have lived a life of sexual purity: no porn, no masturbation. I think you get the drill.

And in my prayer time, while preparing to pen this piece, that is what the Comforter (John 14:26) was really sharing with me: PEOPLE ARE NO LONGER PURE. And based on the definition of “virgin”, there are not a lot of people who can’t purely hold that title, either. Purity and virginity. The two words that should be interchangeable with one another, have now become nothing more than a technicality…and it’s foul.

Virginity Should Be Purity

Even I was taken aback a bit as I read what the definitions of “virgin” were. The one that so many people seem to use as a weapon rather than a gift is if they have never had intercourse with someone else, it’s smooth sailing; they’re not promiscuous like the “other” people. But you know what? The Bible says that when Adam and the Woman were joined, they were NAKED AND NOT ASHAMED (Genesis 2:24-25). It was after sin that nudity brought forth guilt. If you are not “clothed in the light of covenant”, if you are someone who engages in any activity that requires you “being without clothing or covering” or even “being without adequate clothing” (two definitions of “naked”), then you are not pure and on some levels (gasp!) you are not even a virgin (remember this definition? “not previously exploited, cultivated, tapped, or used”).

I know. I’m sure just the thought of that is making some of you squirm, but this is something that must be cleared up. Your spirituality depends on it. Your future marriage depends on it. Your legacy depends on it. YOUR WITNESS DEPENDS ON IT. Just like many of us fall for the term “white lie”, this is a season when our Heavenly Father is separating the wheat from the tare (Matthew 13:24-25). If you are someone who has never had sexual intercourse, but you engage in any kind of sexual perversion, “virgin” is a word that you need to revisit. Like a person who’s called to the ministry, messes up and needs to take a seat, be still and heal…oral sex, masturbation, mutual masturbation, porn, emotional whoredom, fondling, sleepovers (hmph)…if you are partaking in any of these acts, there is a season (Ecclesiastes 3:5) of repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10), a time of total singleness (meaning alone and not dating) that must take place. You have, what I call, a “lukewarm libido” and God is not pleased (Revelation 3:16). You either need to be “On Fire” with your husband/wife (I Corinthians 7:5) or “on ice” until they arrive (Hebrews 13:4).

Cause here’s the thing:

“There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband.”—I Corinthians 7:34 (NKJV)

A person who’s never had sexual intercourse cares about the things of the Lord.

A person who has not been previously exploited or used cares about the things of the Lord.

A person without, in this case, sexual experience cares about the things of the Lord.

A person previously not exposed to things of a sexual nature cares about the things of the Lord.


And, according to Scripture, that means she must be HOLY in her (and his, Paul-LOL) body and spirit. Biblically, it is a given that if you are a virgin, not only is your body holy (specially recognized as or declared sacred by religious use or authority; consecrated; having a spiritually pure quality) but so is your spirit…your attitude…your character…your mind…YOUR WILL.

Does this mean that you don’t desire sex? Of course not. What it does mean is that you control it because the act is not as important to you as its purpose (I Corinthians 6:16). As I often tell the girls that I mentor, “Pleasure is not the purpose of sex, it’s a benefit.” Sex, period, in any form, is not for a single person. Perverted sex (anything that keeps you from the oneness and holiness of covenant) is not for anyone. Giving into a craving is not a sign that it’s a godly desire. Remember this?

“He caused an east wind to blow in the heavens; and by His power He brought in the south wind. He also rained meat on them like the dust, feathered fowl like the sand of the seas; and He let them fall in the midst of their camp, all around their dwellings. So they ate and were well filled, for He gave them their own desire. They were not deprived of their craving; but while their food was still in their mouths, the wrath of God came against them, and slew the stoutest of them, and struck down the choice men of Israel. In spite of this they still sinned, and did not believe in His wondrous works. Therefore their days He consumed in futility, and their years in fear.”—Psalm 78:26-33 (NKJV)

He gave them their own desire. Is it just me? Or does this sound a lot like Romans 1?

“God’s anger is shown from heaven against all the evil and wrong things people do. By their own evil lives they hide the truth. God shows his anger because some knowledge of him has been made clear to them. Yes, God has shown himself to them. There are things about him that people cannot see—his eternal power and all the things that make him God. But since the beginning of the world those things have been easy to understand by what God has made. So people have no excuse for the bad things they do. They knew God, but they did not give glory to God or thank him. Their thinking became useless. Their foolish minds were filled with darkness. They said they were wise, but they became fools. They traded the glory of God who lives forever for the worship of idols made to look like earthly people, birds, animals, and snakes.

Because they did these things, God left them and let them go their sinful way, wanting only to do evil. As a result, they became full of sexual sin, using their bodies wrongly with each other. They traded the truth of God for a lie. They worshiped and served what had been created instead of the God who created those things, who should be praised forever. Amen.

Because people did those things, God left them and let them do the shameful things they wanted to do. Women stopped having natural sex and started having sex with other women. In the same way, men stopped having natural sex and began wanting each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and in their bodies they received the punishment for those wrongs.

People did not think it was important to have a true knowledge of God. So God left them and allowed them to have their own worthless thinking and to do things they should not do.”—Romans 1:18-31 (NKJV)

God’s Children Should Be Pure

Which is where the purity part of this message comes in. It’s been a bumpy ride, I know y’all…we’re almost home.

The NKJV of Hebrews 13:4 tells us, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”

The New Century Version puts it this way: “Marriage should be honored by everyone, and husband and wife should keep their marriage pure. God will judge as guilty those who take part in sexual sins.”

People close to me know that my spirituality motto is pretty simple: If the masses are doing it, I’m not gonna (LOL). My Scriptural basis:

“Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.”—Matthew 7:14 (NKJV)

It amazes me that we are at a place now where it seems that the Enemy values sex more than those who proclaim to be followers of Christ do. How do I know? Look at how much he uses/abuses it. He is very much so threatened by the power of covenant and all things done within it to empower it. SEX IS EMPOWERING. This is why I pray for my “love nieces and nephews” (1 in 4 girls and 1 in 8 boys are sexually molested by the age of 18); he cannot stand the truly innocent; he wants us to be (and remain) sexually dysfunctional for as long as we can. There are so many who have fallen victim to his wiles and people are perishing for a lack of this knowledge (Hosea 4:6).

If you are a virgin, in this world, you are considered a “chosen few”. MANY ARE CALLED, FEW ARE CHOSEN (Matthew 22:14). I’m sure it’s hard to remain virtuous because, without question, you are one of his prime threats. To be able to give your future spouse something so precious as your UNDEFILED TEMPLE (I Corinthians 6:19) is supernatural. But you are not expected to just give him/her your first intercourse experience; like a wedding is merely an outward representation of your union to someone and a baptism is a public display of your commitment to the Lord, the wedding night is just a physical part of what should already be in place. There is a purity that must be present in the spirit man before the body is joined to another. Which is where the rest of us come in on this message.

I recently spoke to a group of women. Many were virgins, but confessed that they partook, especially, in masturbation. My reply? “It’s sad that after 14 men and four abortions, I’m the one who is pure.”

If you did not understand/value your virginity or if it was even taken from you, while the classic definition of virginity cannot be gotten back, PURITY CAN BE RESTORED (Joel 2:23-25) and in God’s eyes, he’s much more interested/invested in that, anyway:

“With the pure You will show Yourself pure; and with the devious You will show Yourself shrewd.”—Psalm 18:26 (NKJV)

This doesn’t say with a virgin. It says with the pure.

Virginity, without question, is important. But that is a physical thing.

Purity? That is spiritual.

The Power of Purity

The marriage bed is to be pure because marital love should be revered as such. A marriage is to be clear and true. A marriage is to be free from guilt. A marriage is to be absolute. The Lord wanted us to remain virgins because our physical state was to represent the spiritual union. It’s just that simple.

But remember, the Bible says that it’s the pure that God reveals himself to and the lead Scripture says it’s the pure in heart who will see God. Not the VIRGINS, but the PURE:

“Oh, that you would bear with me in a little folly—and indeed you do bear with me. For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ. But I fear, lest somehow, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, so your minds may be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.”—2 Corinthians 11:1-3 (NKJV)

The physical virgin is to represent the spiritual one. The Enemy knows that if we allow someone into our heart space…someone who should not be there (meaning they were not ORDAINED BY GOD to do so—Proverbs 4:23, Matthew 19:4-7), then it will wound us; it will open us up to deception. Being presented to Christ as pure? Yeah…he’s coming for that…full force whether that means influencing us to defile our minds, our bodies or our spirits. To him, it doesn’t matter. He knows with the Lord you’re either pure…or you’re not:

“Dear friends, we have these promises from God, so we should make ourselves pure—free from anything that makes body or soul unclean. We should try to become holy in the way we live, because we respect God.”—2 Corinthians 7:1 (NCV)

What things of God? What does purity access you to?

God’s words are pure (Psalm 18:30).

His commands are pure (Psalm 19:8).

People who live pure lives are happy (Psalm 119:1).

Purity gives you favor (Proverbs 22:11).

Believers are made pure (Acts 15:9).

Purity gives you discernment (Philippians 1:9-10).

Purity keeps you safe (I Thessalonians 5:23).

Purity keeps you pure (I Timothy 5:22).

Purity keeps your mind and conscience from being ruined (some folks get into jacked up relationships from not adhering to this one alone!—Titus 1:15).

Purity makes you want to do good. It’s the SIGN THAT YOU BELONG TO GOD (Titus 2:14).

Which is why the Enemy attacks it so (John 10:10). Don’t you see? It’s not about you not getting to have your fun. It’s about him not wanting you to belong to your Creator because when God is for you, there is NOTHING that the Enemy can do to harm you (Romans 8:31).

No, it’s not popular to be clean or innocent or chaste…or a virgin. And yes, “People hate this kind of talk. Raw truth is never popular.” (Amos 5:10-Message). But you know what? When it comes to my purity, especially my sexual purity, I’m not trying to be “approved by people”; a relational orgy (people all up in my intimacy) is just as degrading as a physical one. The only spirit I want to please is God and the only man’s approval I need is the one God gives me. PURITY is what has caused me to see things from this perspective; it is what has given me a closer access to the Godhead and their truths…ones that have been immensely freeing (John 8:32). It has given me a greater understanding of why the marriage bed is pure and should be honored as such. Because God says so.

“For the word of the Lord is right, and all His work is done in truth.”—Psalm 33:4 (NKJV)

The Restoration to Purity

And so, what if you’re not a virgin? Or even if you are and you have not been living a life of purity? This is the time to approach the throne of grace for mercy (Hebrews 4:16) and cry out:

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”—Psalm 51:10 (NKJV)

There will probably be more temptations now than ever (I Corinthians 10:13), but hold on to Isaiah 48:10 (NKJV): “I have made you pure, but not by fire, as silver is made pure. I have purified you by giving you troubles.”

And when you get this, when you really “get it”…when you see that a physical virgin represents a pureness of heart; when you embrace that, as the Message Version of I Corinthians 6:16 states, “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact.”; when you really grasp the parallels between the earthly marriage and Christ’s love for the Church; when you realize that a marriage is to reflect, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:25-27-NKJV), it won’t be about “how far is too far”. A third degree burn on the cheek or a pimple…still leaves a blemish. A pure man will not want to defile a woman. A pure woman will know that a pure man does not seduce with his charisma, but sanctifies with his words. And, both will know that sex has no place in either scenario until after covenant.

Virginity is a sacred thing. So much so that Christ came here through one (Matthew 1:23). But Mary had not been pure in heart, it wouldn’t have mattered.

It is my prayer for everyone reading this that if you are a virgin, you will hold tight to your blessed gift. And, that if you are not, you will repent so that purity can be restored. You are God’s child. Don’t live estranged. Wonderful things come to those who belong to him. Both in…and out the marriage bed:

“Now we hope for the blessings God has for his children. These blessings, which cannot be destroyed or be spoiled or lose their beauty, are kept in heaven for you. God’s power protects you through your faith until salvation is shown to you at the end of time. This makes you very happy, even though now for a short time different kinds of troubles may make you sad. These troubles come to prove that your faith is pure. This purity of faith is worth more than gold, which can be proved to be pure by fire but will ruin. But the purity of your faith will bring you praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is shown to you. You have not seen Christ, but still you love him. You cannot see him now, but you believe in him. So you are filled with a joy that cannot be explained, a joy full of glory.”—I Peter 1:4-8 (NCV)

“His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’”—Matthew 25:21 (NKJV)

It’s not just about sex. It’s about God’s kingdom.

You have an understanding of the kingdom’s access key now. It’s purity.

Love to you all. Pure love.

Authentic love. Blessed love. REAL LOVE.

The only kind there really is.

©Shellie R. Warren/2010