I get a lot of emails…
A couple of weeks ago, I received one in particular from an old college peer of mine. The backdrop is that he’s a Christian, an author (on relationships) and in a relationship with someone that he believes he will marry someday (it will be his second time). Here is an excerpt of what the email said:
“Take a little advice from me…at this point, make sure to continue to wait. It’s so not worth it. On top of all of that, it was not good…not because I didn’t somewhat enjoy it, but as you well know, sex is a full body experience. Your heart, mind and soul really needs to be into it to make it the way it’s supposed to be. If your heart is convicted that it’s wrong, your heart isn’t into it. Therefore, your mind wants to go along but doesn’t completely go along, so it’s there, but it’s going through the motions, not giving it 100%. Your flesh is always willing, but it’s not driven, so it’s half-stepping at best. From what my friends have told me, even if you’re a player, you’re still totally wrapped up ‘in the moment’ until the moment is over. None of that was happening for me…or her, really. Don’t do it…not only is it not following God’s best for you, it’s also a waste of time.”
What I *really liked* about it is that even though I know that he knows that the Bible says that sex outside of marriage is wrong (I Corinthians 6, I Corinthians 7:2, I Thessalonians 4:3, Hebrews 13:4), not one Scripture or church reference was given. He spoke solely from the experience itself. How sex outside of a marital covenant made him feel.
And as you can see, for the most part…it wasn’t good. His heart, mind and soul were not fully into it.
And so that got me to thinking. What if there were no Scriptures on lust? What if pastors didn’t preach on sexual immorality? What if sites like these didn’t exist? Would you still find porn to be wrong for your life or is it that you feel that way simply because people have told you to? ‘Cause here’s the thing. There are *plenty* of non-believers (some that I know personally) that find porn to be just as disgusting, just as degrading, just as selfish and self-loathing as many Christians do and it’s not because they believe in God. The truth is, they actually don’t (or at least don’t incorporate his standards into their daily way of life). They don’t like how porn treats women. They don’t like how porn *infects* their relationships. The list goes on and on. And in knowing this, personally, I think if we explored how people felt *outside of religion*, we may actually be able to make more headway into healing people of porn and sexual addiction. Yes, the Word says not to lust (which is basically the greatest “argument” for why porn is not biblically condoned), but what do *you* say? How does it make *you* feel? How does it affect *your* life outside of the guilt you may feel because of the Church’s stance on it? If the Lord was mute on the topic:
“Why do YOU believe that porn is wrong?”