an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the
earth…a right time to make love and another to abstain, a right
time to embrace and another to part.”—Ecclesiastes 3:1&5-6

“If you don’t know the PURPOSE of a thing,
don’t use it.”—Shellie R. Warren

Aight. This
one is gonna be a quickie-but-a-goodie.

Earlier today, I was
chillin’ at one of my favorite spots and I had a co-incidental—two
incidents actually working together…catch that—meeting with an
old friend. As we were updating one another on our lives, he asked me
if my status was the same. He was referring to my sexual status; not
preference, but lifestyle.

I told him “yes.”

not doing anything?” he inquired with a semi-shocked look on his


“Wow. I mean, I guess…if that’s
working for you. I don’t see how you do it…or why even.”

the inflection in his voice, that was clear but when you come
to really understand who and whose you are, convincing others of that
resolve seems less and less necessary. Later on in the conversation,
he reached over to touch my arm to emphasize a point.

This is
where it gets good.

“Oh, my bad,” he said
semi-sarcastically. “I don’t want to turn you on or anything.”

Was he making fun of me? Yeah…kinda.

“It’s cool.
You won’t get me excited.”

He paused. “Oh?”

me for what? There’s no purpose in getting turned on by you…I’m

He paused…longer this time. I knew it got his mind
to churning. “Hmph. I guess you’re right…”


Let me tell you something, ladies. When you get to a
place where you really see you for you; that you really are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and that sex really is created for married people (Hebrews 13:4) and to have it outside
of covenant really is as “illegal” as driving without a
license or shoot, let’s go for a “big crime” like holding up a
Krystal’s (I don’t know, that was the first thing that came to mind),
then you really will begin to notice a shift in your human
trinity. You will start to not only reverence, but understand the
point and power of purpose…of all things.

Don’t get a sistah
wrong. I am a living and breathing person with hormones just like the
wifeys have and so I don’t foresee becoming an enemy of sex any time
soon (thank the Lord), but what I am saying is that when my friend
said what he did and I responded in the way that even I didn’t see
coming, I really thought about it. He’s an attractive brother and
actually, many moons ago, I even had a crush on him. But if he ain’t
my husband (and trust me, he ain’t), then why have sex with
him? And if I’m not gonna have sex with him, why even get into a head
space of being aroused by him?

Really, what would be the
point? What would be the purpose?

It took me a long
hot-and-bothered minute, but I finally get it. My body is the temple
of the Holy Spirit (I Corinthians 6:19) and until God joins me with
my mate (Matthew 19:9) and grants him access into this beautiful and
holy place (I Corinthians 7:4), my purpose is not to let some strange
piglet paw all over me like a dog in heat (Matthew 7:6), but to love
God and my future husband enough to wait; to serve them both by

Yep. That’s it. I don’t have anything else to tell
ya…at least for now. It’s just that since I know more people are
doing it than not (“it” includes sexual additives like oral sex,
fondling and yes, masturbation), I just wanted to encourage you to
rethink not so much what you may be doing (or considering),
but why you are doing it.

When it comes to sex, God’s
point and purpose was that two people in covenant would become one
with one another, be naked and not ashamed (Genesis 2:24-25)…and in
time, if it’s God’s will, reproduce (Genesis 1:28).

whatever you’re doing ain’t because of that then you’re not using sex
for the purpose that it was made.

And so again,
really…what’s the point?

Really? Really.

R. Warren/2009