So Fellas,

I really do appreciate the fact that you *make the time* to read over this way. That being the case, I figured I would pose another question to you, although ladies, feel free to chime in (and I’m pretty sure that some of you will!).

Last week, I went to see a movie and there was a line in it that I always had my suspicions about; now, I’m seeking to have it confirmed. One of the male characters in the movie was, let’s just say, *highly promiscuous*, and in response to it, another male character (not a woman, *a man*) said, “You hate women. Why else would you screw so many of them?”

It took me back to a conversation that I had with a male friend of mine awhile back about his, um, series of indiscretions and how seemingly irritated he was…even though, again seemingly, he could get his hands, literally, on any woman that he wanted.

Me: “Maybe you’re bored.”

Him: “I’ve been bored since I started.”

I’ve been bored since I started. I promise you one day I’m gonna start my own line of greeting cards cause if that ain’t a “break up hit”, I don’t know what is!

And as I’m penning this, I’m thinking back to the “calibur” (…processing) of guys that I would choose to have “hate on me”. There was one, in particular, that I reference in my book, “Inside of Me” whose appetite was insatiable but like in the crazed lunatic junkie kind-of-way. He just never seemed to get enough…of all of us (cause I later found out that he used to rotate pictures of “us” based on whoever was coming to his place and would “borrow” money from most of us as well, as he rotated dates….oh, and abortions). He ended up being the guy who date raped me one night yet, every time I think back on even that experience, a lot of what he was saying to me then (bossy, foul, degrading, unsettling) wasn’t much different than how he talked to me before. That night, for whatever the reason, I just knew that I deserved better…and he wouldn’t take “no” for an answer.

I think about a man’s role in a woman’s life. First, with her father and then with her husband (Genesis 2:24-25). He’s to provide for her and protect her. With him, she should feel special, sacred and safe. I remember years ago, reading a book from a Christian perspective on healing from abortions. One of the things that the author spoke of was how much internalized anger seems to come from the entire experience, whether the parties involved realize it (or admit it) or not. The doctor is mad at you for having him/her perform the procedure. The woman is mad at the doctor for doing it and the guy is mad at the woman for making the ultimate decision…even if that’s what he claimed to have wanted (and I actually know *plenty of guys* who regret that choice after the fact).

Being that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23) and sex, outside of covenant, according to the Bible, is indeed a sin (I Corinthians 6:18)…being that the Hebrew word for “helpmeet” is “Ezer Kenegdo” which loosely translates into meaning “lifesaver”. Oh, and being that the Message Version of I Corinthians 6:16 tells us that “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact”, I can’t help but wonder, guys, when you partake in sexual sin (fornication, adultery, porn, strip clubs, prostitution, etc.), *what do you really think about us?*

I mean, I’ve said on this site (and several others) many times before that because we as women are created to help, if we’re not helping you to heaven, then basically, I believe that, one way or another, we’re helping you to hell (Tryon Edwards once said that “Hell is truth seen too late.” John 8:32 says “The truth shall set you free.”). I wonder if deep down you all sense that, too. That even in the peaks of sexual pleasure when it comes to your bodies if, because we are all made up of both flesh and spirit (Galatians 5:16-17), somewhere in the back of your mind, you’re thinking, “This chick ain’t about anything. She doesn’t really care about me or herself. How could I ever really trust her?” Or if it’s someone you’re paying for sexual arousal (and even if it’s free Internet porn clips, trust me, one way or another, you’re paying), “The minute it’s all over, I know she’s going to be disgusting to me.”

Personally, I know now that I’ve gotten some real space from my own sexual indiscretions, that after really forgiving myself (Romans 8:1), I had to get to a place where the men who really should’ve “loved me enough” to reject me, I forgave. Cause real talk? If you’re created to provide for me and protect me, shouldn’t that start off with my spiritual self-worth? Wouldn’t that mean that you would *cover* me because it’s only with my husband that I should be “naked and not ashamed”? I mean, even “secular guys” often tell me that when “it’s” all said and done, they want a “good girl”. I used to think that was so selfish and hypocritical yet maybe what they’re saying that at the end of the day is that they want a girl that they can trust. You can’t trust anyone who is trying to get you to do something that isn’t good for you.

*said the crackhead to the dealer as he/she makes the purchase, anyway*

So, I’m just wondering. When you’re screwing with us (literally and metaphorically), do you ever consciously think that you’re screwing us, AND YOU, over? If so, why? If not…why not?

Like the dude said in the film, is there some quiet resentment going on?

Hmph. More and more I’m starting to wonder if a lot of single guys fear commitment, not because of the covenant but because every time they sleep with someone who doesn’t belong to them (I Corinthians 7:4), they stop seeing us as *favor* (Proverbs 18:22) and more like a curse. That we’re not “hooking them up” so much as *screwing them over*.

Just sayin’…