Most of y’all know that I pen devotionals as well. Just yesterday, I was talking about how it seems like so many of us would rather “trim the trees” of our issues instead of “get to the root” of our problems. And then we sit and wonder why they don’t go away.
As it relates to sexuality, I happened upon two quotes that seemed to help to drive this point home: “Sensuality often makes love grow too quickly, so that the root remains weak and easy to pull out.” (Friedrich Nietzsche) And, “Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we understand sex.” (Havelock Ellis) Can we really challenge that? Especially that last one. Cause really: who reading this got here from a lack of sex?!?
That said, I was also sharing that being that we are made in the image of our Creator (Genesis 1:26-28), being that sex was a gift given by God in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 2:24-25) and being that we have the ability to create more people made in the image (and likeness) of Elohim by having sex, *of course the Liar (John 8:44) hates it*. Therefore, it amazes me how more and more people, even those who claim to be believers, seem to be developing a cryptic disdain for sex; at least when it comes to putting it in its proper place (which would be it’s purpose-Hebrews 13:4) and context (marriage). There are so many ways to be a victim of sexual abuse. Ignorance would be one of them (Hosea 4:6).
So, as I came upon some news stories this past week, as horrific as some of them were (yeah, that Oakland, California school thing about the second graders having oral sex with a teacher present was a beast…literally!), there was one that *appears* to be milder but still caused me to pause and ponder (Proverbs 4:26). It was about how “sexting leads to sexing” (as Gawker.com puts it). I mean…uh…*yeah*. How long are you gonna talk about sex (OR LOOK AT SEX) and not do it? Either with someone or with yourself?
This is the part that got to me (a bit), though: “Nearly 40 percent of women say that social-networking media, such as text-messaging and Facebook, are causing them to jump into the sack faster with partners than they would have in the past, according to a poll by Men’s Fitness and Shape magazines.” (You can check out the write-up here)
OK, now let me set this up a bit. In college (James 5:16), I was like the post (wo)man when it came to sex. *I* was *delivering it* come rain, sleet or snow. And to this day, I still can’t believe that. In the Garden of Eden, the Woman was *brought* or *presented* (Genesis 2:22) to Adam and here I was, as a surrogate grandmother used to say, “giving away my million dollars for a Happy Meal” and DRIVING (or when I was living on campus WALKING) IT THERE. One time, I even picked up a guy by a dumpster to drive him to my house some 20 miles away (with *my* car and *my* gas) because he was too ashamed to be seen with me. Um, another thing that the Word says that sex is supposed to do? Make us feel naked and NOT ashamed. *sigh*
So since the Internet became all the rage during my college years and being that there was no mass social media tactics used at the time (back then it was just a booty call. I mean…well…*it was*), perhaps that’s why I don’t get it. Why a woman would settle for less. Why, as I recall the character “Monica” in “Love & Basketball” asking her crush/love interest Quincy, “Why would she send her [um, stuff-LOL] through the mail?” There was no Facebook back then, either. Some chick told Quincy that she promised she would “leave him satisfied” in one of those “Do you like me? Check the box” kind-of-notes.
And being that I am a (and I can’t believe I’m saying this) different generation gal now, I guess my question to all of the social media gurus (cause I’m not on FB anymore and can’t remember the last time I got on Twitter), being that sex is meant to *connect* you with another person, and preferably, SCRIPTURALLY, *your spouse*, doesn’t sex via the Internet create an ultimate disconnect? I mean, “I don’t want to talk to you but let’s have sex?” How is that much different from the folks that engage with the sex robots? I mean, really? Cause they get them to meet their needs and disgard them, right?
Aren’t humans better than that?
Then, when I read the rest of the Gawker piece, I thought, “OK, this IS sad when the world is asking *the exact same thing*.”: “Between sexting and Facebook sexting and IM sexting and video sexting, we will soon be able to eliminate ‘dating’ altogether and simply hop from impersonal sexual encounter to impersonal sexual encounter, with no pretense or wasted verbiage whatsoever.”
Impersonal sex. How far we have gotten from the original ideal. How I so love that in the old school (King James Version) Old Testament references of a couple having yahasey min (Hebrew for “sexual relations”), it says that they KNEW one another. How much do you get to KNOW someone by reading their status, writing on their wall or sending a 140-character message? And even if you could find out some *very basic details*, is that even nearly enough to find them worthy of giving one of your best gifts: YOURSELF?
Last week, I also read a study featured on LiveScience which stated the following:
“The study quizzed 434 married and unmarried couples ages 18-25 about their relationships. Almost half of the couples, regardless of their marital status, disagreed as to whether or not they were seeing each other exclusively, even though they said they had discussed it. Married couples were no more likely than others to have an explicit monogamy agreement in place, and couples with children were even less likely to have an exclusivity agreement.”
The cynic in me couldn’t help but ask, “I wonder if it’s because they are texting about it.” At the risk of sounding like my mother, “Don’t people date anymore?” Shoot, at the risk of sounding like my grandmother, “Don’t people COURT anymore?” And if not, *why not?*
Anyway, I just think it’s sad (very) that we have been so busy chasing an orgasm that we are losing sight of what one of my favorite authors, Tim Alan Gardner (“Sacred Sex“) says is to be the main focal point of sex: ONENESS.
Of the mind. The body. And the spirit.
A total connection.
Not a sexual disconnect.
Which, if you ask me, should be seen as a spiritual oxymoron and not any person’s actual reality.