This past week has been one of the hardest weeks of my life as I lost my job that I so dearly love. I have cried many tears, experienced so much pain and felt every emotion. I lost my job due to some unforeseen circumstances and this has come as a shock to me. Now, I have to grieve the loss of the best job I have ever had and try and find another one. Through all of this pain though, I have found Jesus to be so real and near me. I have seen His hand upon me: comforting, guiding and healing me. I have been amazed by the support from friends and family during this time; they have helped hold me together when all that is in me feels like falling apart.
The most encouraging part of this whole experience is that I have not been tempted to give into my temptation. Stress and anger are two big triggers for me and when I feel these, I look to porn to make it all go away. Throughout this week though, I have not even been interested in going that route. I have finally realized that it will really not make anything better, in fact, it will just make things worse as it will add regret and frustration. I know that this strength I am feeling only comes from God living and breathing inside of me. It has taken me a couple years to finally realize this strength and truly rely on it when I need it the most.
My nephew came and visited me at my job this week and as he was waking up from his nap, he reached his hands out for me to hold him. As I held him, he rested his head on my shoulder and patted my back. This was such a great picture for me as to what God wants me to do. Just rest in His arms and let Him take care of everything else.
I have clung to many verses this week but the ones that I have practically memorized are found in 1 Peter.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. “ I Peter 1:3-10
Our faith is so important and invaluable. We have many things to look forward to and everything on this earth is temporary. My faith has grown leaps and bounds this week, it is far from being perfect or where I want to be but I can say that I truly know that God loves and cares for me as that has been shown to me over and over again.
A friend shared this quote with me this week, “The only way to know a winner is how they act when they appear to be losing.” I have clung to this and it has given me strength to fight hard for myself and what God has for me. I truly believe that God has something much bigger and better in store for my life and I need to trust that.
May this be an encouragement to you that the strength you have craved during your addiction journey will come and perhaps when you least expect it. God knows your heart more than you do and knows what you can and cannot handle. May you rest in the fact that a living God who knows more about you than yourself and dearly loves you.